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Tips, strategies & techniques for students learning from home (aka distance learners) Struggles of Distance Learning Strategies and Techniques for Successful Distance Learning Accommodations Parent Coaching Tips Work & teaching balance Struggles of Distance Learning The struggle is real for both parents and learners alike different struggles but still struggles, nonetheless. This new normal that was neither expected, planned for or invited is wiping some out as they navigate through the everyday stresses carrying both their emotions and that of their children. The daily goal has become "lets just get through the day". More of a victim mentality. Parents are questioning their sanity, their parenting skills and their abilities all surrounding this new way of being. It could be the transition that is difficult, the process itself or just people getting exasperated with all the changes and new and even different ways of doing things. Whatever the case the transition to learning from home can be tough as the entire family adjusts to going from a structured school environment to a home environment. Then if it weren’t difficult with all of that add onto that students that are 2e exceptional in that they have both giftedness and learning disabilities. The adjustment for both them and their family come with additional unanticipated challenges. But, what if this experience can be more than survival but a thriving experience. One in which skills are learned and bonds are strengthened. I both know personally and professionally that the struggle is draining and overwhelming but I also know that with a deliberate mindset it will enable you as the parent to think creatively and transition your home from chaos and frustration to that of peace and fun helping you’re at home learners adjust. Common Feelings/Struggles felt: Children: Stressed Exasperation Anxiety School refusal Procrastination Behavioral Issues Emotional Responses (tantrum’s, negativity, attitude, meltdowns) Defeated Hopeless/Helpless Parents: Stressed Yelling Swearing Irritable Reactive Defeated Helpless Greater sense of despair and hopelessness As you can see from the list above you are in a shared traumatic experience.In that you guys are feeling a lot of the same things.Learning from home or participating in distance learning will take intentionality to be successful. You will need to consider the following to achieve that success: Strategies and Techniques for Successful Distance Learning Structure create the best environment for their learning. Create a schedule which includes all the details from when school starts and ends. What we are doing when. When is lunch time. If a parent is working at home incorporate that into the schedule. Brainstorm 2 possible schedules, plan A & B on the off chance there is a technology problem and any other stressor that enters the day. Have kids participate in creating the schedule. Use visual cues such as electronic and non electronic organization systems (white board, list, online planner.) Have a snack bin on hand. Quick power filled snacks that can be just the boost needed. Blue glasses are a great addition to the all day in front of the screen learner enabling them to protect their eyes, improve sleep and reduce eye fatigue. Create incentive linking between the have to’s and the want to’s. Preparation is key as you go through your days as at level perhaps either different or new. Transition Time. Develop systems for switching between tasks. Breaks can take on different forms. Some examples include: brain breaks, snack breaks, stretching breaks, scree free time and screen fun time. Use timers to keep track of time and also place everyone into time. Accountability. Reach out and connect with a parent, teacher or grandparent who they can share successes with and helps them stay on track with their tasks. Manage flooding. Emotional Flooding: a state of being. It occurs when a person feels deeply threatened or feels like there is no escape. A feeling of overwhelm. Your heart rate increases to over 100 beats per minute. The result of emotional flooding is negative interactions. It effects your conversation, interaction, thinking, ability to access humor, ability to listen, process, effectively deal with the situation/scenario/problem or behavior(s). This all boils down to nothing productive occurring as one's ability to effectively and efficiently handle the conflict is derailed. Researcher Dr. Dan Siegel calls this expense "flipping your lid," as you lose access to all your creative abilities and executive functions which are located in your frontal cerebral cortex, the "lid" of your brain. You lose your sense of humor, perspective, wisdom, reasoning, emotional regulation, memory, problem-solving abilities, and find yourself walking in circles repeating yourself over and over again. Read more about emotional flooding. Why Do We Loose Control of Our Emotions (Kids Want to Know, 2017) Connection. Help them create creative ways to connect with others despite the challenges in learning from home in the midst of a pandemic. Plan for safe socializing with peers via online or in-person. Environment for success/Working Space: create the best environment for learning. Create an environment that helps to deal with distractions and improves focus. Personalize their space in order that it is comfortable and functional. If they are online make sure there is good lighting in the room or buy a light that will provide that. Create a space that is noise free or have them wear noise cancellation headphones. Perhaps even a white noise machine would work in order to create an environment for success. Self-Advocacy & know your rights: how to ask questions. Help you at home learner develop a plan on what to do when they don't understand what they are learning. Also, make sure that they are having one to one contact each week with their teacher. Children who self-advocate have a better understanding of both their rights and their responsibilities with regards learning. Guide them through self-advocacy so that they can feel more confident and learn to communicate their needs. Your child is going to need help creating their remote learning plan. Connect with the school and gather any information that you can regarding the process and expectations for distance learning. What is the process if your child has a hard time with a particular subject, what happens if my child has a hard time submitting their school work electronically and so forth. Self-Care. Healthy habits: healthy eating, sleeping, exercise, unstructured free time, reading, creative play and gratitude journal. No matter the age of the individual self-care is important as it’s the manner in which we fuel up in order to take on the demands of the day. Without proper self care we will inevitably burn out. Weekly family meeting. These meeting are to discuss what’s working, what isn’t working, what tweaks need to be made and so forth. It’s a safe space to share, learn and grow as a family unit. Be sure to include their ideas. Learn more about how to set up a successful family meeting. Define the weakest executive skills and put in place accommodations. Executive skills as defined by Peg Dawson, are “Executive skills refer to the cognitive processes required to plan and organize activities, including task initiation and follow through, working memory, sustained attention, performance monitoring, inhibition of impulses, and goal-directed persistence. Located primarily in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain just behind the forehead), these are skills that begin to develop in some form soon after birth, but neuroscientists are now realizing that it takes about 25 years for these skills to fully mature. And for kids with attention disorders, these skills tend to develop even more slowly.” Take a quiz to see what your child’s strength’s and weaknesses are at https://www.kandmcenter.com/executive-functioning-quiz. Teach or review learning habits. Parents are often surprised that their child has not been taught or does not know basic learning habits. Assess your child learning habits such as note taking, staying organized, managing expectations, and test taking skills. Encourage a growth mindset. Help your learners understand the importance of a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. Students with a fixed mindset may believe that their basic qualities such as intelligence and talents are fixed traits that cannot be changed. Where as a growth mindset means believing that intelligence can be developed or “grown” over time. It is the belief that you can achieve your goals through extra effort, persistence, grit, and learning from mistakes. It other words, you can get better over time when you really work at them. Here are two videos to help unpack the concept: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiiEeMN7vbQ. Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset (Sprouts, 2016) Accommodations All at distance learners are being thrusted into an environment that they never expected or prepared for. They are having to complete new skills never practiced or even taught for that matter. Below is a list on accommodations for different learners which are often have ADHD, Anxiety, sensory processing, and learning disabilities such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia. Typing programs or classes: these help them to get familiar with typing in order to submit work or participate in the online conversation. There are numerous programs out there that are no cost or a low monthly cost. Find what works best for your learner, time and budget. This would naturally have to be something that they do afterschool and on weekends so find a fun program that will keep them engaged while learning a new skill. Computer 101: do a tutorial class with them individually and independently of their class to teach them the in’s and outs of doing things online via zoom or goggle classroom. Walk them through it. Create a cheat sheet for common functions such as copy and paste. Help them navigate the internet and finding information for their projects. Show them how to attach documents and pictures. Parental Controls: Your creative learners are going on the internet way more than they have in the past and they have yet to develop the impulse control to stay off of and away from things that they should not be on when using the computer. Not to mention at school those computers are pretty much locked down from unnecessary internet searching and games a temptation they didn’t have to worry about within the structured school environment. Dictation. Your learner can be struggling with input of information or out of information. Help them find work around’s in order that they don’t fall behind within the zoom meeting. Fidget Bin. A bin of discrete items to fidget with Fidgeting is our body's way of releasing restless energy. So a fidget bin with fidget toys are self-regulation tools to help with focus, attention, calming, and active listening. There are many different types of fidget toys, ranging from squeezable stress balls to bendable sticks to malleable putty. Check out this box out on Amazon that has an assortment of fidget toys. Note-taking: As mentioned above the art of note-taking is a lost art that is rarely taught. Make sure that your child knows how to take effective notes and in addition supply them with the tools necessary to be effective note takers. Accommodations that change the way information is presented. Amanda Morin at www.understood.com recommends the following: using audio recordings instead of reading text, format pages with fewer items per page or line, work with text in a larger print size, have a designated reader, or hear instructions spoken aloud, record a lesson instead of student taking notes, get class notes from teacher or another student, get written instructions, see an outline of a lesson, use visual presentations of verbal material such as word webs, minimize auditory and visual stimulation. Accommodations that change the way students complete assignments. Amanda Morin at www.understood.com recommends the following: give responses in a preferred form spoken or written, use a calculator or a table of math facts, use manipulatives to learn and practice math skills, and use graphic organizers and sentence starters to help structure and generate writing ideas. Accommodations that can help with scheduling, timing and organization. Amanda Morin at www.understood.com recommends the following: you sensory tools, like an exercise band that can be looped around the chairs legs, small group learning, take more time to complete a task or a test, have extra time to process spoken information and directions, take frequent breaks, take a test over several days or complete the section in a different order, use an alarm to help with time management, and mark text with a highlighter. The key to success in the above strategies and accommodations is practice, practice, and more practice. Role-playing the desired behavior is one of the most effective techniques that help a learner learn and acquire a new skill. Create scenarios that they can practice with you together. Parent Coaching Tips Lastly, I want to sit for a minute with all the parents. The brave ones wanting to provide the best learning experience for their at home learners but feelings a little out of their league. Need I remind you again that this is hard. I have been homeschooling myself for 11 years and my secret to success has been time, patience, mercy and grace. I choose to homeschool my boys and it still wiped me out in the beginning years. I had a support system in the form of a group that I met with weekly, I read blogs of other mom’s schooling at home, attended workshops and read books. All luxuries you don’t have, didn’t know existed or don’t have the time to look into. No worries as we sit together let me see if I can impart some wisdom that will enable you to travel lighter during this unexpected, unplanned for season of life. Parent tips: Separate what your experiencing from what your kids are experiencing. Talk with friends away from the kids. Try to build a support system to help you blow off steam, gain perspective and have some laughs. Name, acknowledge and empathize. Validate their experiences and your experiences. Name it to tame it. In that you need to name your feelings to tame them. Sit with your feelings and offload them. Journaling is an excellent tool for getting those feelings out in order that you can start taping into your creative side. Perhaps even finding a therapist that you can walk with during this heavy season. Identify what worked during the spring and summer and repeat. What success have you had that can be built on? Become a student: a little knowledge can go a long way. Get the information from the school and do some minor google research to find best practices and sanity savers. Homeschooling parents have been doing this for centuries and their collective wisdom may benefit you greatly during this season. Stay Calm: Flooding will have all the important parts of your brain falling asleep for this ever important task. Managing our flooding will be crucial. Process, analyze and plan: get organized with your day and the demands in which you must complete to be successful. You may during this season need to rethink and/or redo some of your systems. For example you may take up that meal planning you thought about 3 years ago. Systems like that help to organize the load and make space for the new normal. Get comfortable in the uncomfortable. Most of everything during this time is going to be uncharted territory. You will be required to stretch and work out of your comfort zone at times. You got this but you will need to practice good coping and positive self-talk. Celebrate your successes. No matter the size celebrate your wins for that moment or day. You are doing a lot even if it's that you didn't yell at your little one or teenager for an hour, celebrate that. Practice Gratitude. The act of gratitude is an essential brain function that benefits your mental health. It will keep you grounded and allow your mind to transition from seeing things as I have to, to I get to. Side tip it also helps ward off depression. Play. Have some fun both by yourself and with your family. Fun is more powerful than you realize and it allows your mind to destress. Create realistic expectations. Take into account your season of life and the limitations it presents. Practice Self-Care. Self-care is the gas to your car. If you don’t stop to fill up you will eventually run out of steam becoming more irritable and short with the one’s you love. Read more about how self-care isn't selfish. Resilience and flexibility. You need to allow for an adjustment period. This period is going to look different for each individual family and learner. Active listening & reflective listening. Create times to talk and share. Unpacking concerns. Kids often talk at night, in the car or on a walk. Use these times to invest and talk. Emotion detective: Listen to the emotion behind the behavior. Creating the habit of seeing emotions as indicators enables you to see your child’s emotion as an indicator perhaps to a bigger issue, stressor or sadness. Learn more about emotion coaching. Parent tools: Self-control (managing flooding), compassion, collaboration (family meetings), consistency, celebration. Use screen time to meet your own needs. This allows you to take a break. Get work done. Attend a meeting. Practice Self-compassion. A best friend shows compassion, understanding, empathy, and patience just to name a few. Be that best friend to yourself. Encourage yourself as you also have mercy and give grace to yourself within this new chapter of life. Stop Chasing Self-esteem & Just Be Self -Compassionate with Kristin Neff (Happy and Well, 2018) Work & Teaching Balance Reminder: You are in a impossible position. Covid parenting right now is different than homeschooling and working for various reasons. One big reason being that a homeschooling parent choose it and took into the account the demands of both hats and made the necessary adjustments. They also have support groups, homeschool mentors, and so forth to guide and support the journey. Covid parents were not afforded the same things. They were thrown in with little to no resources. Because of this there are higher level’s of burn out and despair. Tricks to help you move from survive to thrive: Set clear boundaries regarding when you working and unavailable and when you are available. Join others for support. Hire a teacher or tutor to support your child. National honor society, high school students looking for community service hours. College students may need a job. Extended family. Zoom supervision can be your friend during these times. Self-care: What helps you get grounded. What helps you feel good and quiet inside. Self-compassion. Doing the best with a difficult situation. Practice Mindfulness. If you mess up. Let’s be serious. When you mess up because it will happen. Take time to repair the relationship. A repair is any statement or action — verbal, physical, or otherwise — meant to diffuse negativity and create connectivity. We will mess up on this journey and being able to acknowledge where you messed up, take ownership/responsibility and repair is the recipe to bounce back from such mishaps. Schedule some child parent date times or days. Cuddle a connect. Play a board game. Go for a walk and my personal favorite have some beach time. You got this, refuse to give up. It may not be easy but it’s doable with some intentionality. You are in charge of your situation no matter how small. Believe in yourself and commit to action that will allow you to level up this distance learning experience. Yvette E. McDonald therapist, writer, professor, and homeschooling mother. Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey and you are ready to make some changes or perhaps level up some areas in your life, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

September 16th is National Stepfamily Day. Happy National Stepfamily Day! It's crazy before now I would have never thought that being part of a stepfamily would be such a juggling act let alone part of my story. But, here I sit realizing both professionally and personally the reality that Blended Family living is hard work and has lots of moving pieces that require intentionality. Just to give you some background Blended Families also known as Stepfamilies is a family type that consists of children living with a stepparent, stepsibling or half-sibling. The Pew Research Center gives us a generalized look at blended families in the U.S. today. One-in-six kids is living in a blended family Many but not all remarriages involve blended families According to the data from the National Center for Health Statistics, six-in-ten (63%) women in remarriages are in blended families and hard of these remarriages involve stepchildren who live with remarried couple. The number of kids living in blended families has been stable for nearly thirty years. Children of Hispanic, black, and white backgrounds are equally likely to live in this type of family. Children from Asian families 7% a smaller share living in blended families As you can see from the numbers Blended Families is a prevalent and ever-growing family type within our culture today. It's also a family type that comes with unique and complex needs. Check out the broadcast below in honor of National Stepfamily Day on them speaking to building love together in blended families. *Disclaimer it does filter through the lens of faith however please don't let that deter your from watching. I have a saying when assigning client homework "eat the fish, leave the bones". Which means not everything you read or listen to, will you agree with and that's okay. Go in with an open mind and pull out the wisdom that's there in order to receive and welcome something new regarding loving well within blended families. Hope you enjoyed that and was able to walk away with one take away that you can apply in your family today. The speakers in the broadcast have a book on the subject matter called "Building Love Together in Blended Families". I just started reading it myself and am already learning so much. I've always been a fan of the "Five Love Languages" so I can't wait to finish this book. Yvette E. McDonald therapist, writer, professor. Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey and you are ready to make some changes or perhaps level up some areas in your life, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

5 ways to catch your breath and practice good self-care at the start of the Fall semester. Note to the reader: The following is a pep talk I sent my current college students and thought I'd share for anyone else that finds themselves in this season of this life. You got this!!!! The fall semester is underway, and I can hear the anxiety from a lot of you guys. This will continue to be an unusual year between COVID-19, hurricane season and online classes. However, I will do whatever it takes to keep the online format running smoothly and moving forward providing you with the best education and experience possible. Professionally this year has been different for me as well as both my practice, conferences, and teaching has moved to strictly online. Things that we depend on consistently has changed and continues to change without any notice. People everywhere are in a collective experience that has them overwhelmed and anxious. People are having a hard time finding their footing and establishing a new normal that includes a new routine in life, work, school, family life, and play. We are having to regroup and reorganize in ways that we have never had to before. It’s all uncharted territory and can be unnerving at best. With all this chaos that surrounds us the question I have for you is: “How are you catching your breath now a days? How are you setting yourself up for success this semester and for life in general?” You might be silently giggling with these questions or perhaps you haven’t slowed down enough to even ask yourself these questions. But, I’m serious despite all the chaos it’s absolutely crucial that you do not neglect your emotional and mental health. Below are some ways that you can catch your breath and practice good self-care. You know the things that fill you up. Remember Self-care can come in all shapes and sizes, but the big part is that you must recognize it’s extremely important to your mental well-being it’s what grounds you and you have to prioritize it. Self-care isn’t selfish! Unstructured time. Time that has no purpose. Another way of looking at it, is the white space in your schedule where you don’t have anything to worry about. You just do whatever you feel like doing. Opportunities for connection. Research continues to reveal that social connection increases happiness, affords you better health and a longer life. I recognize how difficult that is in the midst of a pandemic, but this is where creativity comes in with regard to finding ways to connect with people in a socially responsible and safe manner. Being kind to yourself. Think self-compassion. Dr. Kristin Neff explains it as “Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?” Be more flexible with yourself and work on changing expectations in order to thrive in this current situation rather than just survive. Allow yourself to grieve all the losses. There has been a lot of change and loss in this season of life and your system needs the chance for grief to run its course in order to reorganize. Take care of your own mental health. I recognize that there are numerous stigmas out there revolving around mental health. However, please don’t lose sight of the fact that mental health is integral to living a healthy, balanced life. Our mental health impacts our whole being. It affects how we feel, think, and behave. Which in turn has an impact on our decision-making process, coping and how we relate with others. The challenge is on. How are you going to move from fear and anxiety to clarity, intuition, faith and inspiration. What areas do you need to get perspective on at the start of the semester in order that you can be present and find beauty in the chaos allowing this time to redefine and refine you as opposed to wipe you out. The first step to starting school off on the right foot is being calm and grounded. My secret to success during this time is practicing the above mentioned ways of being and creating a routine. Let the adventure begin. I will serve you in any way that I can. I appreciate your ongoing efforts to provide positive feedback and work collaboratively in getting this course off to a good start. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey and you are ready to make some changes or perhaps level up some areas in your life, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

The rules are changing with Covid-19 that's for sure, as coming out of a 3-day virtual conference is something I never thought I would have been part of, not to mention I have another 2-day virtual conference next week. I've done my fair share of virtual trainings however a conference has a different feel to it. So, interestingly enough as I'm in the midst of wrapping up this 3-day conference and processing my lessons learned and wins my friend texts me this question "I have a virtual conference coming up as well. Any take aways and/or things you wish you'd have done/prepared for differently?" Little did she know I was already applying a lesson learned in that very moment as I sat in my physical office a move I made hours earlier out of a need to isolate and be present. I thought going into this conference I was fully prepared however the reality didn't quite match up with my expectations and I walked away with these key take aways that perhaps you can find helpful in your preparation for your upcoming virtual conference(s). Number #1 BLOCK OUT THE TIME ON YOUR CALENDAR. Think of the conference as one in which you would actually be attending physically. With a physical conference you would wipe your calendar free in order to attend. Correct? Well, you should protect your time the same way for the virtual conference. Schedule out the time and make sure you have no other commitments on those days, not even at night. Number #2 HAVE A PLAN FOR YOUR CAREGIVING RESPONSIBILITIES. Depending on the type of caregiver you are, that of an aging/ill parent, or parent/stepparent or even a pet parent.........make arrangements. I thought I'd be fine in the mix of all my caregiving responsibilities but that was one of my biggest lessons. Even the dogs were a distraction. Make arrangements for all your responsibilities! If you need to hire a sitter, do that. If you need to ask a friend or family member to help with your aging/ill parent then do that. Brain science tells us that we cannot multitask. Research shows that we don't do things simultaneously but instead we just switch our attention from task to task extremely quickly. Which in turn means we are not fully present for the conference we are virtually in attendance for. Number #3 PLAN AHEAD. Again I want to draw you back to the mindset that you are attending the conference in person meaning that though virtual pretend that you are in there in person. Process for yourself what would you do if you were physically traveling for this conference? I know for some that looks like meal prepping for the family, cleaning the house, or perhaps running errands. Get those things done in order that you can be fully present in the conference. Number #4 ISOLATE YOURSELF. Separate yourself from everyone. This one was hard for me as well. The first couple of days it was easy but then when the conference fell on a Saturday and everyone was home it changed everything. I thought I could just put on my noise cancelling head phones and do my thing. Major fail. I was easily distracted with the movement and sometimes noise of everyone and my focus was divided. I was hearing everything within the conference but I wasn't present which meant I wasn't really listening to the amazing content the presenters were sharing. Number #5 LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. A lot of this is handled when you separate yourself but don't forget the ultimate distraction of life. Our electronic devices! You must place your electronics on silent and again give the virtual conference the same respect you would if it were in person. Number #6 CHANGE YOUR MIDSET. I've addressed this throughout the other tips however I did't want you to miss this one. When I'm at a physical conference the mental load is different. I'm mentally freed up from outside distractions to take in all the information at the conference. It's easy right. But, a virtual conference is different. You're learning in the midst of your environment and if you don't intentionally do things different it will be a major fail. To the best of your ability think in person, in that at an in person conference you have all our your food prepared with regards to either having bought some things ahead of time or planned on eating out. Do the same thing at home. Plan your meals so that you can free yourself of that mental clutter that comes with breakfast, lunch and dinner choices. In addition don't plan any evening activities on those days. When out of town after a day's long conference the typical evening activities is getting a bite to eat locally or eating in the hotel and then just decompressing from a days worth of information. If you don't intentionally do this at home you will be setting yourself up to fail, as you did not set up time to unplug and reset in order to take in more information the next conference day. Number #7 SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCESS. Just because it's virtual doesn't mean you shouldn't have all the little things that help you successed during a long in person conference. I have a conference goody bag that I stock and always have by my side. My conference goodies include: pen and notepad, favorite tea's, charged I-Pad, healthy snacks (dark chocolate covered almonds), jacket and sticky notes. Figure out what you need to have by you to be the best student and make it happen. I've said it once and I'll say it again. It's time to adapt and overcome within the messy middle of life. The rules are changing and with intentionality and planning we can make the necessary changes and be successful at our virtual endeavors, allowing ourselves these opportunities of continued growth despite the changes and set backs we are enduring. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey and you are ready to make some changes or perhaps level up some areas in your life, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

No matter how we look at it, it's been a challenging year for all. I think we can all agree 2020 is hard. I saw a meme the other day from one of my favorite cartoonists The Awkward Yeti depicting the character throwing earth into a box and then locking the box up. Another one by the same artist depicts a couple of scenes with the character looking in disgust and 2020 with the last frame being him running from the year 2020 begging for 2021 to start. As funny as the two comic strips are there is truth behind them as the general consensus of this year is that of wanting to be done with 2020. Take heart because though a difficult year it doesn't have to pass us by or rob us from experiencing growth. We can choose to just survive this year or thrive, adapt and overcome. With that in mind I have several book recommendations for this season of adversity to read in order to level up and/or thrive. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff Best book to start off with as the importance of limiting self-criticism and offset its negative effects. This is not a self esteem book rather it's a book about self-compassion the art of being kind to yourself. Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown All of Brene's Brown books are great but this one as captivated me and was one of my first reads from the author. I love the call to courage and how she breaks down this idea of getting into the ring and being our most daring self. In addition her truths about vulnerability and how it connects to living a brave life is eye opening and life changing. Many have walked away from this book feeling empowered and more courageous. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D. Must read for all my Highly Sensitive People (HSP). Dr. Aron a pioneer in the field breaks down the trait of HSP helping you to understand it as a superpower. With this new information you are able to filter your experiences from the past in addition to making the most of the future in order to thrive as a HSP in a non HSP world. Interested in seeing if your an HSP? Take the quiz. The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You and The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When The World Overwhelms Them by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D. Two books with a wealth of information regarding the art of parenting a Highly Sensitive Child. I typically work with both parents and children alike that have this trait and my parents have had the most success in our parent coaching sessions when they fully understand the trait and how it shows up in their daily life. Once acquiring the knowledge they are able to reset their expectations of parenting that empowers both the child and parent. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts , The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively and The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively by Gary Chapman My first experience with the 5 Love Languages was that of a parent child relationship. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why my mom would come to my house and clean all the time. I thought she was being passive aggressive and her cleaning was her way of telling me I wasn't doing a good job managing my household (which naturally I took offense to). Upon reading the The 5 Love Languages I learned and had a honest conversation with mom. It turns out her primary love language is acts of service. After the relational breakthrough I was sold on the idea and read the remaining books in order that I can relate it to my role as a parent. Interested in learning your Love Language, complete the quiz. Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D. This is a really fun book. Embarrassed to admit that it's taken my husband and I over a year to read. In our defense we had a lot going on in this last year but it's a book that you can pick up and put down easily not to mention reread it. It breaks down some important concepts in the beginning and then comes the dates. Each date introduces a topic and then gives you the tools to dive into a deep conversation with your partner in order to learn and grow relationally. Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts by Jennie Allen The battlefield is truly in the mind. Our thoughts are more powerful than we give it credit. This book walks you through the idea of controlling your thoughts through a faith filter. She will inspire and equip you to transform your emotions by taking control of your thoughts. Looking for a book that's not filtered through faith and okay with some swearing check out this book. How to Hug a Porcupine: Easy Ways to Love the Difficult People in Your Life (Little Book. Big Idea.) by June Eding, Debbie Joffe Ellis and People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys Mike Bechtle Raise your hand if you have difficult people in your life. I know for sure I have had, do currently and will continue to have difficult people in my life and I love how these books give perspective and insight into how to do life with such people. It's crazy how when we are so close to a person we can lose insight and get flooded with emotion making it difficult to have perspective and clarity. These books will help you with just that. Don't forget your pen and paper as they are thought provoking. The Power of Vulnerability Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage By: Brené Brown PhD Narrated by: Brené Brown This has been a repeat in my family as listening to it has brought perspective and knowledge on the concept of vulnerability and how it shows up in all aspects of our lives. Dr. Brene Brown teaches that "we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as fear, shame, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity and love." Accept the invitation if you dare to live a more vulnerable, courageous and whole-hearted life. No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life by Robert A. Glover The men I work with love this one and highly recommend it. The only thing they want me to pass along is that it's okay if all traits described in the book don't apply to you. Take the concepts and learn and grow. Interested in more check out his YouTube video on the concept. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children, Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Henry Cloud, John Townsend Do you know where you end and someone else begins in order to define ownership? These are the books to start with, in particular the first when title Boundaries. The authors take a biblical view of boundaries explaining what they are, what they protect, how they are developed, how they are injured, how to repair them, and how to use them. When I first started my journey of growth and healing following and unexpected divorce I came across Boundaries and I have to say it was a game changer in helping live a more healthy life moving forward. Once I read the first book I was sold on the concept and read the others to apply in all areas of my life. The author even has a podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-boundaries-me-podcast/id1488880049. Looking for a boundary book not filtered through faith check out this link. Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy This book was a cool find. I was listening to a her Ted Talk wanted to embody the concepts she spoke of regrind bring your bolest self to your biggest challenges. Though this has been a long read it has been an enjoyable read that I have taken my time to digest slowly and grow and learn with the concepts she presents. The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living (The Happiness Institute Series) by Meik Wiking Self explanatory book. Interested in happy living? This is the book! Pretty cool to hear simple and effective ways behind the science of happy living from the the happiest people in the world that live in the least happiest place. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth Get ready for a journey in the unpacking of a little word. In unpacking grit you will learn valuable insights that you'll be able to apply in every facet of your life. You'll also get to the root of what holds you back from success. Fix This Next: Make the Vital Change That Will Level Up Your Business by Mike Michalowicz This one I'm still reading but wanted to share despite not being done. This also is specific to my business owners out there that want to level up their finances within their business. HBR's 10 Must Reads on Mental Toughness (with bonus interview "Post-Traumatic Growth and Building Resilience" with Martin Seligman) (HBR's 10 Must Reads) by Harvard Business Review, Martin E.P. Seligman, Tony Schwartz, Warren G. Bennis, Robert J. Thomas This has been a great read thus far as I dive into this concept of mental toughness and mental toughness plays our in various individuals lives. This has been a different kind of read as it collection of articles that highlight how to build your emotional strength and resilience and achieve high performance. This is another great read for my business owners and top performers. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman PhD, Nan Silver You abouslutley can not go wrong with this read. This is for all my couples out there no matter what stage of the relationship you are at. I have assigned this to those just going into the dating scene, dating couples, newlyweds, and veteran couples. The book breaks down core principles for creating a relationship that goes the distance. The book also not only has valuable information but also has tools, questionnaires and exercises to learn and grown together in your relational skills. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman This book offers a deep dive into the concept of emotional connection. You'll get introduced to the concept of emotional bid which is fundamental in connection emotionally within relationships. This relationship book is packed with information, exercises and questionnaires in order to transform the way you do relationships in your life. Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships and Created for Connection: The "Hold Me Tight" Guide for Christian Couples by Kenneth Sanderfer, Dr. Sue Johnson EdD Some of spoke of this being an extension to Gottman's work with couples and allows one to dive in deeper to the connections in their relationships through the lens of attachment theory. Here you'll dive into close connection, deep trust, responding to needs and much more. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott A book frequently read by my engaged couples as they prepare for a lifelong love through in depth conversations. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel Dr. Daniel Siegel offers a wealth of information regarding child reading as he unpacks twelve key strategies that fosters healthy brain development. He'll also explain the concept of emotional flooding many of my clients have found to be a game changer with both their children and them personally. Reading Tip: Reading can be an enjoyable and transformative experience for some, as reading allows one to discover new ideas, concepts, insights, and ways of being. Challenge yourself today to make a habit out of reading no matter if it's eye reading or ear reading. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey and you are ready to make some changes or perhaps level up some areas in your life, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Descriptions, processes, benefits and fears about therapy. Counseling unpacked. Welcome to the world of therapy and I am honored that you are considering me to come alongside your journey of healing, growth, change and transformation. You should also be proud of yourself for putting in the intentionality into finding a counselor that will be the best fit. I hope that I can provide you with some peace of mind as you prepare for your first session with me or if it turns out that we are not a good fit then for your journey. How To Prepare For Your First Session Here are 5 things you'll need to know/do to be prepared: Complete all paperwork electronically 48 hours prior to your scheduled session. The earlier you complete the intake the more time it affords me to read over and prepare for our first session. In the process of preparing for your first session please also feel free to write down any questions you may have in order that we can process it during our time together. Arrive just a couple of minutes early enough to get yourself a nice beverage and sit for a minute. This will help you take in the scenery and prepare yourself. The office is set up a little more like a living room (with couches and comfortable chairs) than a typical workplace environment or doctor’s office. You may be a little nervous or excited, and if you don’t give yourself a chance to catch your breath you may find that your first session is half way over before you feel present enough to process everything. What if I need to cancel my counseling session? To accommodate as many clients as possible during the limited time available during a given week, it is necessary to have a cancellation policy that is fair and reasonable for all concerned. It is in the spirit of showing respect for each other that the following policy was created. To avoid being charged the full price of your scheduled session(s), cancellations must be made 24-hours in advance. By providing this notice you are also helping other clients have sufficient time to respond to new appointment opportunities ( I like to call it working together with your invisible family). There is no charge in the case of illness, injury, extreme weather, or family emergency. Who needs to come? It is important that everyone who will be involved in therapy be present at the first session to cover the basics. How long will therapy take? I usually tell my clients to think about coming to therapy once a week (therapy sessions typically run 45-50 minutes, for at least the first 2 weeks for the intake & assessment stage.) Following assessment we will go into the treatment part which typically is an 8-week process however for some the process may be shorter , but I feel this is a good estimate of the minimum length of treatment. Many clients stay in therapy longer than that, especially if they have deeper or longer standing issues, or if they simply want to keep improving and moving forward. Often, as a client makes progress in treatment, the visits will be less frequent, perhaps every other week or once a month which you'll hear me use the term phasing out. In addition to the 5 things listed above I wanted to take the time to go over some misperceptions about treatment by providing you with some education to help you feel more comfortable. What can I expect in the first few sessions & beyond? The process of therapy. The First Phase - Intake & Assessment: We will go over your paperwork, the process of therapy, policies and procedures, confidentiality and answer any counseling questions you may have. Plans for how often we should meet, who will be involved in treatment (for parenting or family issues), and what other possible support or services you may need will also be discussed. We will go over a brief history of the presenting issues and talk about what’s going on now. I will say something like, “Let’s begin with you telling me the story of what brings you here, what you’re hoping to accomplish in coming here, and what some of your nightmares may be in coming here— what you don’t want to see happen.” The next session, we will build rapport and come up with a treatment plan that will be the road map of your goals and how we plan to get there. I will ask many questions in an effort to get to know and understand you, your worldview, strengths, concerns, stresses, needs, family and relationship dynamics and assess the presenting issues. During rapport building and goal formulation it may feel like we are not making any progress however I ask that you trust the process as this lays the foundation for future success. The Second Phase - Intervention: is the the heavy lifting of the treatment and this is when the therapist and client collaborate to make positive changes in the client’s thinking, self-care, emotional regulation, communication, support network, etc. This phase requires effort both in and out of session, through the process of homework which encompasses the implementation of solutions and skills discussed during session. The Third Phase – Discharge/Termination: is termination and this occurs when the client is feeling much better and the client and therapist begin to process the end of treatment. The phasing out stage looks different for each person and is tailored for each individual. However, the end of therapy is a very important phase that will be processed to meet your individual needs. This is because the termination or endings of relationships are a critical part of wrapping up the work and getting closure. Very often, I have former clients return to therapy periodically for “mental-health check in's”, which is a normal, proactive and positive thing to do. Frequently thought over thoughts “I’m afraid my therapist will judge me or think I’m crazy.” Know that I am here to help you, not to judge you. I am a human being and am not perfect. I grow, learn, hurt, stumble, grieve and do life just like you. I understand that psychological, transitions and relationship issues are a normal part of the human condition and experience. More than likely, anything you share with me I have heard before, experienced it or heard something more extreme. I know that we all have issues and that your issues are what you wrestle with, but they don't define you. To drive this point home I even have a piece of art in the office that says "We're all cray, it's not a competition." Nobody is perfect and we all have our issues and our work to do. Try not to let the narrative you created in your head either through your own belief system or the experiences of others, create a reality that's to scary to walk through leaving you missing out on the best version of self and relationship available to you. “I am afraid of revisiting painful memories or thoughts or even disclosing embarrassing stuff.” You do not need to spill your guts your first session, nor is anyone expecting you or should you. Actually the first couple of times we meet your going to be all over the place and that is large in part your nerves working through and we'll work through that. The first phase of therapy is about building a trusting therapeutic rapport, alliance and relationship with me. It's also about me diving into your life for purposes of understanding into how you navigate through your world emotionally and mentally. You can share things at a rate that feels comfortable for you. You set the pace on the sharing and that's totally okay. Honestly, I don't want you sharing everything off the bat anyways without you having some healthy coping skills in place. When you say not now this is a healthy way of being open and honest with me, and also setting boundaries and pacing the therapy at a rate that feels comfortable for you. As you establish a stronger therapeutic rapport and when I know you are ready, we can collaboratively work together to do the emotional heavy lifting. On a side note, clients report feeling tremendous relief that sharing those experiences wasn’t as difficult or scary as they thought and they are able to process those feelings and thoughts with clarity, insight and perspective. Again, I am not here to judge or condemn you! However, in the same breath you can only experience growth, healing and reach your goals by getting emotionally naked with me and sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly (when you feel ready of course). Don't lose sight of the beauty of therapy. It is a confidential relationship, your own private verbal journal and you do not need to see your therapist outside of sessions. The therapy office can be your own safe place......it should be your own save space to share these experiences, your thoughts and feelings without judgement. Lastly, on the off chance the human side of me messes up and you ever feel like I have judged you, I welcome the feedback in order that we can course correct. “I worry that my therapist is going to expect me to make changes that I am not ready to make.” Many people fear that their therapist is going to expect them to immediately abstain from any self-sabotaging behaviors or coping mechanisms, leave a toxic relationship or fix everything about themselves. This will so not be the case! I'm going to meet you “where you are at,” meaning I respect where clients are at in the process of change. Furthermore, I know that people only change when they are ready and when they want to change. In other words, I can't make you change! But, we will do a lot of processing. We will process your yes's and no's of staying in that negative relationship, continuing with negative thinking and self-sabotaging behaviors and patterns, etc. But, at the end of the day you are the one that determines when and how the change takes place at a pace that you're comfortable with. Look change is hard and not always comfortable. If your resistant to the changes that's being brought to the surface with therapy we will process. “I don’t know if I will like or “click” with my therapist.” Understandable. But, what if I don't like you? I kid, I joke!!! Sometimes clients will meet with with 2-3 different therapists for an initial session till they find the right fit. This is a big reason why I offer a free 15-minute consultation in order to get a feel for who I am and if we would be a good fit together. I totally understand and expect that I am not everyone's "cup of tea" and that this “therapist shopping” is often a normal part of the process. It's important for me and you to be intentional about this process as this an investment of your time, energy and resources. You need and should feel comfortable, safe, understood and be with someone that is specialized in helping you with the transformation you are about to embark on. The therapeutic relationship is the foundation of treatment, something I am constantly reminding my college students when I have my professor hat on. Stretch yourself to ask me questions and/or voice any concerns that you have about your treatment and/or the process of therapy. Be sure to express any feelings of anxiety open and directly. I always encourage clients to be direct with me about any negative feelings that they are having about me, anything I have said, a session or the therapeutic process. Openly discussing these matters will allow you to do honest and effective work. Often, having a positive therapeutic relationship will help you have more positive relationships outside of the therapy room because you are learning how to communicate in a way that is open, honest and respectful of yourself and others. “I felt worse after my therapy session and am nervous about the next.” Understand that it is normal for things to get a little worse before they get better during the initial phase of therapy. In addition some sessions are a little heavier than others with regards to the topics, situations, people, feelings or thoughts we process aka unpack. Communication will be key! Therapy is a process of going through the luggage you have collected over the course of your life's journey. Some luggage you have crammed way to much stuff into, intentionally or unintentionally and with the start of therapy it will be everything of emptying out the suit case's and sorting through your baggage (hence the name Traveling Light Counseling.....unpacking yesterday's baggage for a lighter, brighter tomorrow). We will be learning, sorting, discarding and deciding what needs to stay, go and get rearranged. This can be an overwhelming, draining and a strenuous task that requires courage, patience and commitment, but you don't have to do it alone and that's the BIG thing. Before now you were doing some or all of the heavy lifting by yourself, moving forward that will not be the case. You got me! Learning, sorting, discarding and deciding what needs to stay, go, get rearranged and get burned is all part of the process. Clients report initially that they wish they would have just left things alone because ignorance was working for them. This is so normal and I encourage clients to understand this is an anticipated part of the process and to stick with it. In therapy, we are eventually able to let go of some things, and rework what is left so that traveling is lighter. It is also normal for these negative or worsening feelings to get triggered at various points in the therapeutic process, especially if you and I are hitting on some core issues. Some resistance and defensiveness on your part is normal, those feelings are there to protect you. However, you can work through them by expressing them to me and continuing in treatment knowing that relief and growth are right around the corner. Clients report, "in the beginning it was hard Mrs. Yvette, there were sometimes I just didn't want to come back and bring up a topic but I'm glad I did. I'm glad I just ripped off the band-aid cause I'm in a better place emotionally because of it." Potential Benefits of therapy Counseling is both a process and an experience. You are not only going to learn more about yourself but also how you interact with the world around you. Counseling takes on different forms in that you could be learning about a particular condition, transitioning through something, learning a behavioral skill, healing and so forth. Below are some examples of what clients have experienced during our work together: Improved relational interactions Healing & reorganization from affairs (relationship betrays) improved communication and interpersonal skills greater self-acceptance and self-esteem ability to change self-defeating behaviors/habits or thinking better understanding, expression and management of emotions, including anger & anxiety relief from depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions increased confidence and decision-making skills ability to manage stress effectively improved problem-solving and conflict resolution abilities greater understanding of parenting and their children Healing and renewed spirit following a divorce better listener Above all, congratulate yourself on beginning therapy and doing your emotional, relational, behavioral, or even spiritual heavy lifting. You are working on healing and evolving, which will deeply and profoundly improve your life and positively influence those around you. My clients have reported "The change was hard in the beginning, I didn't always want to do it but now I find myself advocating for therapy in big ways. I want everyone to experience the change. I want everyone to learn more about themselves and how they do life finding healthier ways. I'm defiantly a healthier verision of self. I'm not perfect and still have a lot to learn but I have also grown so much." Reframe your nervousness and resistance the best you can, because you are taking forward steps on the path to healing, wellness and achieving your healthiest self personally, relationally and professionally. Hi, I'm the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for those seeking a healthier relationship with themselves, their children, their family, and/or their partner. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Life is hectic right now with constant and numerous changes, as we begin this process of adjusting to a new way of being as we transition from a life of quarantine. We are in the midst of sorting out what we are comfortable with, what choices we should make regarding going back to work outside the home, what to do with the children, how to navigate through our regular demands of everyday life in the midst of adding all the COVID-19 rules, regulations and ways of being. We've always been a culture in which we pride ourselves on multitasking and being busy, but all this new has the potential, if it hasn't already to completely wipe us out. We have lost track of the present moment. We are missing out on our lives. We are buried in our lives, choices and feelings, just trying to get everything done. When is the last time you really stopped and looked around? When is the last time you took in the scenery? When was the last time you accepted your feelings, your current reality? That is the practice of mindfulness and its benefits can be so powerful, they can actually change your brain. So what is mindfulness? Kristen Neff, PhD and Christopher Germer, PhD in their workbook "The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook" define it as "awareness of present-moment experience with acceptance." They continue to explain that "mindfulness gives us mental space, and with mental space comes the freedom to choose how we might like to respond to a situation." What are the benefits of mindfulness? Well-Being: Mindfulness makes it easier to absorb life’s moments as they occur. When you are mindful you are fully absorbed in activities, fully present in the moment. It is easier to deal with unpleasant events because rather than having the day’s events compound one another, you deal with one, you accept it, and you move on. You aren’t caught up in worrying about the future or the past. You are soaking up the present. Physical Health: Going hand-in-hand with well-being, mindfulness is great for your body. It reduces stress, leading to lower blood pressure, improved sleep, and the ability to alleviate chronic pain and gastrointestinal difficulties. If you are happier, you will have greater self-respect and feel better. Mental Health: Mindfulness and meditation have been used frequently in the treatment of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and conflicts with others, among other things. If you are in the moment you aren’t worrying about what happened earlier or what is happening later. You aren’t dwelling on the what-ifs and the unknowns. You are being brought down-to-earth, out of your brain and into the physical place you stand. Acceptance of What Is: Being mindful forces you to accept your present moment, instead of avoiding it. Some experts suggest the reason mindfulness works so well is it forces you to work through a conflict when it happens. It reduces avoidance and aversions by forcing you to accept and be part of life as it is happening. There are several ways to begin your practice of mindfulness and to ultimately “train” your brain to be more present each and every day. There are an array of resources online, applications for your phone or tablet, books, retreats, etc. A licensed mental health professional can also help. Getting started might seem difficult because, after all, we are all very busy, but it will get easier as you go. Ways to practice Mindfulness today Schedule a time to be alone, undisturbed. You might choose the early morning or late evening where you can separate yourself and practice the stillness of the moment. Some complete this through just laying/sitting still, others journal. Pick an ordinary activity. You might choose to lose yourself in your morning or evening habits such as brushing your teeth, showering, making coffee/tea or getting ready for the day. Choose a sensory experience. You may choose to go for a walk, sit out in nature (front porch/back yard), take a leisure swim, jump on the trampoline, etc. KEY: Become aware and be kind to yourself with a relaxed, focused mind! Think focused relaxation. "Meditation offers your mind the opportunity, the potential to step back, and to get a different perspective, to see that things aren't always as they appear. We can't change every little thing that happens to us in life, but we can change the way that we experience it. That's the potential of mediation, of mindfulness." ~ Andy Puddicombre The therapists at Traveling Light Counseling specialize in helping clients achieve personal happiness. We welcome the chance to discuss an individualized plan to meet your needs be it that of cultivating the habit of mindfulness in your everyday life or becoming a healthier, stronger version of self. Contact us at 772-361-8448 to learn more.

The quest for happiness seems to be never-ending. We are always telling ourselves “if x happens then I will be happy,” “if y could just occur everything would be great,” etc. We are always placing our happiness in the hands of circumstances or other people. Especially in our current pandemic some hold onto "when life gets back to normal I'll be happy". But the truth is, real long-lasting, true happiness is something you can create. Yes, meeting a goal or getting the job might make us happy for a little while but that kind of happiness fades with time. Real happiness is about perspective, lifestyle, a way of thinking, and you, my friend, hold the power. Now that I have your attention, the question becomes how? How do you create your own happiness? Slow down. We are always running from one thing to another. We are missing all the beauty in the little things. Happy people slow down to appreciate moments in life. They take a few breaths and soak up the way their child laughs or talks, the smile on a significant other's face, the laughter of a friend, the beauty of a clean home, a full fridge, or a beautiful sunrise. Happy people feel good about themselves. They have self-respect and treat their bodies and minds well. They are active. They move. It can be easy to get stuck sitting all day and forget how good it feels to get your heart rate up. Exercise leads to the release of the neurotransmitter GABA which helps to soothe the brain. It also leads to the release of feel-good hormones. It is a natural mood booster. Happy people also recognize the importance of sleep. Sleep is so important for your mood. If you feel rundown and exhausted everything is harder, it all takes more effort and you just don’t feel well. Get sleep and you will feel better and be healthier. Happy people are selective. They recognize that there are toxic people in the world and they choose to separate themselves from those negative forces. They surround themselves in good company. Surrounding yourself with positive people can cause your mood and worldview to follow. Happy people are givers. While we all enjoy a splurge now and then on ourselves, happy people feel good helping (and spending money) on others. Whether it be through purchasing clothes or food for a family in need or surprising a loved one with something they have longed for, spending money on others makes us feel good. Happy people recognize that life shouldn’t be stagnant. You can always change and grow as a person. Even if you sometimes feel stuck, you don’t have to stay there. If you have the mindset that you are a fluid human being, you can grow and change with time, then you believe change is possible. It is a much more positive outlook. Happy people put in the effort. They work towards being happy. Happiness is not something that just falls into your lap. You have to wake up and want it. A supremely happy person is checking in with themselves often. They make decisions based on their happiness levels. For example, they are exhausted from working hard at the office so they decide to take the night off and go to bed early. Or, they need a mood boost so they decide to hit the home gym, or stop and watch the sunset. Happiness is possible for everyone, no matter their life circumstances. It just takes some healthy habits and a healthy mindset. A licensed counselor can help you get there if you need some assistance. If you find yourself needing help managing your happiness during these uncertain and fragile times, Traveling Light Counseling is here to help. Even if you’re not a regular client/patient of ours or you simply like to have an appointment just to check up on your mental health during COVID-19, we’re here to help. Just reach out and set up an appointment. You are not alone! The therapists at Traveling Light Counseling specialize in helping clients achieve personal happiness. We welcome the chance to discuss an individualized plan to meet your needs. Contact us at 772-361-8448 to learn more.

Tips to help you survive virtual school at home. Today is the first day of virtual school for many students and caregivers and for some this concept is mind blowing.  Doing school in the midst of a pandemic seems doable and impossible all in the same breath. And for front line workers figuring out how to navigate the in’s and out’s regarding virtual school in addition to navigating the tremendous amount of stress, anxiety and overwhelm that comes with the duties of their job can be the recipe for a melt down. The clients I have a privilege of working with that are front line workers ask, “How am I supposed to figure out how to virtually do this teaching thing when my emotions feel in such disarray?  All I feel is numb in the moment and I’m struggling to catch my own breath.” They report continuously getting emails and calls regarding starting school and then stress about how to have the child/children share a computer and get on the screen when they’re supposed to at their designated time while the other kids are doing school and again I’m doing this in the midst of my own mental health crisis. I hear you and I can see you. For someone that’s been doing homeschooling for the past 11 years I have experience when it comes to teaching kids at home and that in and of itself is a difficult process, add onto that the chaos of what’s happening in our world today which has turned everything upside down.  Catch your breath let’s do a virtual school pep talk. Tips to help survive virtual school at home: Tip 1: Recognize, accept and work through the fact that this is new and with new stuff it can bring about feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and frustration.  All totally normal reactions! Tip 2: Create a new normal. Family Meeting: Let’s first start with a family meeting discussing the reality of the situation, expectations, limitations.  This time will also serve for you guys to discuss any concerns, fears or frustrations in order to problem solve them effectively prior to starting this new normal. Create a routine: Within this new normal we’re gonna need to create a new routine.  With families sharing computers, we need to discuss the layout regarding who needs to be on the computer based on the demands of each child's assignments in order to orchestrate to the best of our ability how the computer and morning meetings and virtual appointments with teachers are going to be navigated. Daily meditation/prayer & journaling: Next you’re going to need a daily pep talk for yourself as the caregiver, where you acknowledge the newness and changes of everything and show yourself some self-love.  Every morning you’re gonna have to wake up and love on yourself, telling yourself that we’re gonna get through this and giving yourself a dose of compassion and understanding.  Your brain and heart have to understand that this is new and this change is gift wrapped in chaos, so you have to give yourself mercy and grace as you navigate this new normal. Keep in mind that it takes 30 days to build a habit. Daily Gratitude Exercises: Develop the habit of gratitude exercises.  My boys and I complete this task daily even before the crisis, in order to take advantage of all the emotional and mental benefits that come from practicing the habit of journaling in a gratitude journal.   Gratitude exercises really help transition the mind and take it out of a state of negativity. It's actually like a chemical reaction of sorts that happens in the chemistry of our brain. It helps you to get grounded in the moment as opposed to swallowed up in it all. Practice Self-Care: This is where you need to create not only an individual self care routine but one for your children and family.  It’s a time where you can reset and recharge. Self-care techniques can include: going for walk, green time, taking a long warm bath, talking with your counselor, unplugging from electronics, stretching/yoga, trying something new, practicing mediation, dancing, writing in your journal, being still, unstructured time, trying a new recipe, eating healthy, and getting rest.  There are various ways that you could love on yourself during this time and it’s not being selfish! You cannot pour from an empty cup! Feeling like you breathing a little easier with these tips?  That’s my desire! You got this! You’ll make it through. It’s not gonna be perfect and that’s totally okay. That's actually one of the bigger elements that you have to walk through. You are a front line person there is a lot going on and this whole schooling at home isn’t just a quick one, two, three I got this. Being a homeschooling mom myself it has taken me years, and I don’t say that word years lightly, to get to the systems that we have in place, the rhythm and flow and the ease of it.  But again this is something that has taken me years and for a good portion of the beginning part of it, it was my only job so there was a lot of time, energy, research, trial and error that went into getting where we are toay. You’re not going to achieve any level of that within this crisis nor are you expected to, it really is just doing the best you can within the circumstances. We are not aiming for perfection. Realistic expectations need to be created in order to survive this. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Clients often tell me how they don’t have time for self-care, especially during these times when the whole nation is experiencing a pandemic that is threatening their sense of self, comfort and routine leaving them with a feeling that they have lost their footing. They report how they feel that taking time for self-care is selfish. They feel like they need to be spending that time on doing things for their children, their career, or their spouse. But, the truth is—self-love and selfish are two very different things. In fact, self-love is essential. It is crucial to you being the best version of you. If you are always feeling run-down and exhausted from taking care of others, you aren’t going to be the best caregiver, employee, spouse, parent or human. Self-love is necessary for your happiness, your ability to thrive, and your confidence. It is taking the time to fit in: unstructured time, self compassion exercises taking care of your own mental health exercise, eating healthy meals, an hour away from your kids to take a walk, time to read a book or listen to a podcast get some sleep, limit mindless scrolling online breathing work prayer/mediation trying a new receipe starting a fun project journaling your feelings It is what is needed to maintain you. What happens if you never do an oil change on your car? Or ignore that leaky faucet in your bathroom? Ultimate failure is what happens. Busted engines and broken pipes. The same is true for you. Instead of thinking of YOU-time as selfish, think of it as a personal tune-up. Being selfish is operating with a complete lack of consideration for others. It is ignoring how your actions impact those around you. It is acting with complete disregard for the health, safety, and happiness of others. It is so very different from self-care. Practicing self-care can, in fact, be looked at as quite the opposite of selfish. Since you can’t fully take care of others until you properly care for yourself, self-care is being considerate to the others in your life. It's extremely important! It is not selfish to have your spouse take the kids outside to play so you can squeeze in a run. It is not selfish to have frozen pizza because you are too exhausted to cook. It is not selfish to miss skip out on a virtual hangout so you can go to bed early. Whatever it is that makes you feel whole again, don’t feel guilty. Find the time to take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of you. Someone once told me, “An empty tank will take you nowhere. Take the time to refuel.” Today, and every day, I encourage you to take that time. The things that ground me personally is a daily mediation in which I pray, sing, journal, process my thoughts and feelings, complete structured activities and sometimes just sit in silence. There are times most recently due to the current events that I use this time to do a daily pep talk to refocus myself, center my thoughts and feelings, ground myself, catch my breath, remind myself of the important things and get perspective. Without this morning ritual I wouldn't be able to be an effective wife, mom, clinician, professor or practice owner. What can you start doing tomorrow to ground yourself in order to more intentionally ride out the waves of our current crisis and the anxiety and overwhelm that threatens to rob you of everyday peace. If you are struggling with self-care, consider seeking the help of a licensed mental health professional. They can help with healthy coping mechanisms and strategies that suit your life. The therapists at Traveling Light Counseling specialize in helping clients achieve personal happiness. We welcome the chance to discuss an individualized plan to meet your needs. Contact us at 772-361-8448 to learn more.  ​

Some fresh perspective and tools on a concept I speak about regularly within parent coaching sessions with regards to becoming an emotion coach to your child. Today let's take a minute or so to remind ourselves about the topic of Weekly Family Meetings and how to effectively implement this concept/skill with your family. Weekly Family Meeting's: Dr. John Gottman states that the "weekly meeting can be a good way for the entire family to solve problems and stay connected." PURPOSE: create connection and conversation. The details: 15-30 minutes with young kids; 6 years old and younger 30-60 minutes with older kids How to start: Starts with appreciations and talking about whats going right. Each family member's takes a turn speaking about what they appreciated this week and what has gone well. Everyone shares an appreciation of someone else in the family that hasn't been already expressed. Each person gets to present an issue and talk about what they feel and what they wish/need. The presenter (known as the speaker) of the problem has to be polite and pleasant. No sarcasm, low-blows, put-downs, insults or criticism. The best way to keep it clean is to use the format "I feel __________, about _________________(state the problem), I need _________________. Family members are not to say something negative about another person. No blaming. Once they are finished talking somebody else in the family has to summarize and validate what that person said. This will ensure that the speaker feels understood and heard. If responsibility is appropriate the responsible party is to take responsibility for their part in the problem. Move to problem solving. Problem solving will involve various components such as compromising. The key is identifying solutions, evaluating options and come up with a solution that will work best. It's okay if it's back to the drawing board next week, sometimes the first solution may not work. Additional options: Family meetings can also cover specific topics such as: "What is bravery?" or "What is courage?" or "What does it mean to be a good friend?" or "How to make a friend?" or "The difference between tattling and reporting?" or "How to THINK before you speak." or "How to handle peer pressure?" or "How to resist the pressures of porn." and so on. Family members jobs: listenting avoid telling your child what to feel or what they shouldn't feel encourage an honest exchange of thoughts and feelings while permitting your child to feel communicate empathy and understanding (which does not mean you agree it just means you understand) be compassionate be non-judgemental listen more than you talk ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share more (seek to understand) show acceptance of whatever feelings and thoughts they are having communicate that you hear them KEY: hear what they are saying or try to put yourself in their shoes, acknowledging that you understand what they are saying One of the biggest skills you will be developing at this time is the art of listening. The Gottman's have created simple yet powerful steps for being a good listener breaking down the task into four steps. Step 1: Prepare yourself. Make sure you are not brining in any baggage from the week or day that will alter your ability to be present in the conversation. This is a time where you are putting yourself to the side in order to truly hold space for the speaker(s). If needed take some time for yourself during the day practice good self care techniques allowing yourself to recharge and decompress enabling you to come to the meeting the best version of self. Step 2: Attune. Your job is to understand. Go into an investigated heart mode in order to understand the most you can regarding the speakers thoughts and feelings surrounding what they are speaking about. Ask open-ended questions. Suspend judgement, sarcasm, or any other negative actions that would make the environment unsafe and shut down the flow of communication and sharing. Step 3: Summarize and reflect back what you hear. This part is huge because in order for the speaker to know you heard them then need to hear it from you in a way that conveys "I hear you and see your pain". This feeling is best felt with a summary of what the person is saying. But, don't fret if you get is wrong as the listener you can just ask for clarification in order to make sure you fully understand. Step 4: Validate, communicate understanding and empathy. Big take away with this step is that validation does NOT equal you agreeing with what is said. Validation just means that you understand, even it's just a small portion. You can say "I can see how that upset you the other day. Sounds like you were both hurt and annoyed with the actions I took." Family meetings can be a great opportunity for you guys to share, connect and enhance each other's maps (aka knowledge of each other, think goggle maps). Remember that in the beginning you have to have mercy and patience as this is a new habit and skill you guys are learning and developing as a family. It won't be perfect right out the gate. It may take time for everyone to feel safe and trust both the people and the process. Stick with it and work your way into it. Perhaps at first discussing the process in which you guys are going to embark on together as a family will help. This way you guys can unpack the feelings, thoughts, ground rules and purpose around having a regularly scheduled weekly family meeting. KEY TAKE AWAY: Trust the process and manage your flooding! A note on my experience with the family meeting has been quite the adventure. It was birthed out of a unexpected divorce when the boys were little and overflowing with emotions and thoughts about what was going on to both their family and heart. We used the time to discuss any questions they had, their thoughts and feelings regarding the whole situation. The loved the time and couldn't wait to have the next family meeting. They even tried to invite other people into the process. Over time though it turned into a ritual that I never planned it to be. We started to use the time to discuss any weaknesses we were experiencing as a family, big life changes, scheduling changes and so on. For example we went through a season where they didn't know how to express remorse so we used our family meeting to unpack the concept of remorse. We would even role play the concept and then talk about our feelings and thoughts about expressing remorse. There were times we even played games, did art activities or watched movies relating to the topic. It was and continues to be a family bonding moment in which we share, learn and grow together. I started the ritual by accident but it's cool to hear more that 10 years since beginning it that it's a habit worth investing in. Working through your own emotions Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping couples and parents level up and navigate their relationships with intentionality .

It might seem like a silly concept—slowing down to do more. But there is a lot of truth to it. We are all SO BUSY! We are constantly preoccupied with what’s coming next, planning for the next event, the next big life goal, always rushing to the next thing. We are moving so fast that we are exhausting ourselves, feeling overwhelmed with all we have to get done, facing the dreaded burnout. For some of us we are addicted to being busy or wear busyness as a badge of honor. "I'm busy therefore I'm important and valuable, therefore I'm worthy." We are so busy worrying about what we should be doing, that we are missing the moments we are part of currently. Slowing down can be challenging but with a little practice, we can shift our focus and enjoy more of all the wonderful things we already have. You might be asking, how am I supposed to slow down? Start by asking yourself the question — does it really matter? So what if you miss a phone call, are late to answering an email, or forget to move the laundry the night before? Is it really that horrible? How bad would it be if you had to put it off until tomorrow? In most cases, the answer would be: not too bad at all. So, instead of rushing to get dishes done and laundry started after dinner, stop and play a game with your children. That is the stuff that is really important. Try being more mindful—the practice of turning off our brains so we can be present. The more present we are, the more of those special moments we can soak up. Mindfulness helps us to be more grateful for what we have because we are taking the moment to truly appreciate things as they happen. You don’t have to over-commit yourself. You don’t have to be in a constant state of living up to who you think you should be. Decide what is really important and focus on that, let the rest go. It is hard but over time you will find that you are more productive if you spend less time trying to multitask and more time on what matters most to you. Take a moment to disconnect throughout the day. Put your phone in a drawer for an hour a day. Make a rule to have no phones at the dinner table or no technology from the hours of 7 pm to 9pm every day. Whatever works for you and your family. Every once in a while, stop what you are doing and look around. Use your senses. Take in what is around you—the smell, the colors, the sound. Make eye contact with people, have conversations. Turn the TV off and engage your family, talk to your spouse, cook a meal with no distractions. Eat slow. Enjoy the taste, the smell, be thankful you have this delicious food to eat when others do not. Remind yourself to breathe and breathe deeply. Breathing can do wonders at bringing yourself back to earth. If you find yourself getting distracted, leave the room, go to the bathroom, focus on your breathing. It’s simple — count 1,2,3 breathe in and 1,2,3 breathe out. Take a look in the mirror - be honest with yourself, what might you be hiding behind your "busyness"? Examine your relationship with busyness. Unpack if you are part of the culture in which you use one of the most universal numbing strategy of being crazy-busy in order to avoid the stillness that has you reflecting upon your life. Brene Brown invites you to ask the following questions: Are my choices comforting and nourishing my spirit, or are they temporary reprieves from vulnerability and difficult emotions ultimately diminishing my spirit? Are my choices leading my Wholeheartedness or do they leave me feeling empty and searching? Slowing down and taking a different pace in your day to day may be more doable then you think. It's definitely a habit that has to be cultivated and prioritized over time. In that it's not an overnight process. It will take you trusting in the process that slowing down is in fact good for you for numerous reasons. It makes you more likable. It helps you focus on what really matters. You can connect with the present moment and enjoy the blessings that surround you. Less stress. Better judgement. Enjoy life. Breaking the habit of busyness can be difficult. Our mind may go a thousand different directions fearing that something bad will happen if things don't get done. Step back. Take an honest assessment. Let go. Choose intentionally. Embrace slowing down. If you find that you are constantly struggling with mindfulness and could use some help in directing your thoughts, contact a licensed mental health professional. The therapists at Traveling Light Counseling specialize in helping clients achieve personal happiness. We welcome the chance to discuss an individualized plan to meet your needs. Contact us at 772-834-8596 to learn more.