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We all know that it is polite to say “thank you” and show appreciation to others. But, did you know that the daily practice of gratitude can actually help you to be happier? This might seem silly at first to focus on gratitude. You may even feel like you got this thankful thing down. But do you? Research has shown many positive outcomes to increasing your gratitude in big and little things along your journey. So much of the time we focus on the negative things in our lives. We feel like a victim even if the bad only took up a small portion of the day. For example, you ripped your shirt on the way to work, which made you late, and then your boss had to give you the “talk”. All before 10 a.m. What about the rest of the day? You still have a job, the sun was shining, you are healthy…there is always something to be thankful for. You just have to identify it. When we focus on being grateful, our brains shift from the negative to the positive. It forces us to change gears in our thinking, making us feel better overall. A gratitude journal can be a helpful resource in this process. What is a gratitude journal? Every day you can write down 3 things, that you are grateful for. It can be the smallest victory or the biggest challenge you have overcome. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. Studies show that a gratitude journal helps to build positive thinking skills and increase happiness overall. Just remember it's a process that builds over time. How does a gratitude journal work? Find a notebook that is just for your gratitude journal. Then pick a daily time and place to record your thoughts. Think simple or deep, the choice is yours. Even if it feels silly at first, give it a try! Science agrees. Gratitude can make a real difference in our lives. Here are just SOME of the benefits you can gain from the habit of gratitude. Better relationship skills: Saying “thank you,” or “I greatly appreciate it” to others not only makes the other person feel good, but it can also open the doors to forming new relationships. People who are appreciative and work to recognize the efforts of others come across as kind, respectful individuals. It is why after a job interview, it is recommended to send a thank you note. Less physical pain and discomfort: Making gratitude a habit can give you a greater appreciation for your health, your body, and your life as a whole. People who practice gratitude have fewer aches and pains and take better care of themselves. Greater feelings of happiness: Negative emotions like envy, frustration, and regret can be reduced the more we practice gratitude. More optimistic: People who can find the silver lining in the challenges they have faced are happier and experience less depressive symptoms. Allows for greater relaxation: If you feel good about who you are, and aren’t spending so much time thinking about the bad things in your life, you are going to feel better. Improved quality of sleep: Shifting the focus to the good in your life can help you to sleep better and have greater self-confidence. Reduces feelings of jealousy and envy towards others: Gratitude also increases empathy and reduces aggression. A University of Kentucky study showed that people who reported higher feelings of gratitude were less likely to retaliate against others, even in unfortunate circumstances, and were more likely to be sensitive to those around them. Better ability to bounce back for challenges: The powerful shift in the way you think about things when you change your mindset from that of a victim mentality to being grateful, a habit that fosters resilience. Studies have even shown it reduces symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and helps trauma victims to heal. The facts are there. Making gratitude part of your daily practice can help you to lead a happier life. Be patient with yourself however as the habit does create itself overnight. It takes time and practice to change your mindset. The more you practice the better you will be at noticing even more that you are grateful for. It is all about perspective. Let's Practice! Make a quick list of at least 3 things that you are thankful for today. How do you think being grateful more often can help improve your life? Let's Start! Find a notebook or journal to use Choose a time to write Choose a place to writ The therapists at Traveling Light Counseling specialize in helping clients achieve personal happiness. We welcome the chance to discuss an individualized plan to meet your needs. Contact us at 772.361.8448 to learn more.

Some fresh perspective and tools on a concept I speak about regularly within parent coaching sessions with regards to becoming an emotion coach to your child. Today let's take a minute or so to remind ourselves about the topic of Sitting on the Sidewalk and how to effectively implement this skill with your child. Sitting on the Sidewalk: is a parents task when they put their listening skills to work. Its metaphorically sitting and listening to their child's heart regarding anything and everything they are willing to share. The process: Your job as a parent is to be: natural patient encouraging listenting avoid telling your child what to feel or what they shouldn't feel encourage an honest exchange of thoughts and feelings while permitting your child to feel Your response as a parent is to: communicate empathy and understanding (which does not mean you agree it just means you understand) be compassionate be non-judgemental listen more than you talk ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share more (seek to understand) show acceptance of whatever feelings and thoughts they are having do not solve their problem or give advice communicate that you hear them KEY: hear what they are saying or try to put yourself in their shoes, acknowledging that you understand what they are saying These situations can present themselves at various times and at unexpected moments. There's the moment in which a child becomes extremely vulnerable out of nowhere. This action throws parents leaving them scrambling for what to say next and how to respond. Then there's the situations in which your child has placed themselves into a difficult situation or relationship due to their own decisions. Here they need you just the same to sit on the sidewalk and listen to them. When you enter a "sitting on the sidewalk" situation your only goal is to facilitate the free flow of information allowing yourself to dive into the inner working of your child's heart and mind. The younger you create this pattern of interaction the better, as it will enable you to lay a strong foundation of love, support, listening and trust as your child gets older. You will become the go to parent to talk to and unpack with. Lastly, if there is any problem solving to be had remember that you must empathize and understand before you can problem solve or give any advice. Theodore Roosevelt said it nicely when he said: "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care." There is a time and place for everything, everything has its own season. Which means there is a time to listen and a time to problem solve. You are free to ask your child at the end if you can offer some advice or if they would like to problem solve with you (if the situation in which they are sharing calls for it.) If not you can bring it up a couple of days later by stating "I was thinking about what we were talking about the other day and wanted to see how we can learn and grow from this situation." KEY TAKE AWAY: Parents must be available to listen! Working through your own emotions: As easy as this all sounds it has the potential to be difficult at certain times and with certain conversations. Why? Because our feelings as parents can get in the way. These conversations have all the potential to stir up our own emotions, shifting the focus of the conversation away from the child. As you listen you need to be self aware. Be mindful of your triggers, past emotional injuries or anything else that can make this a challenging parenting moment as oppose to an opportunity to connect. If you find yourself being triggered: Recognize that you are having your own emotional reaction to what is being said. Your reaction may or may not have anything to do with the child as past emotional injuries, memories or experiences may be surfacing. Manage your emotional responses. I like to tell parents to put it in a box to be opened up at a later more suitable time. If you find it difficult to do and need a break let you your child know this has nothing to do with them but that you'll need to put a temporary pause on the conversation for 20 minutes, catch your breathe and then start where you left off. Refocus on your child and be the best listener you can be. Click here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-stress-reducing-conversation/ and you'll find an explanation of a somewhat similar strategy known as the "Stress Reducing Conversation" in which you can implement within your adult relationships. Want to learn more on the topic? Check out topics such as holding space and how to be a good listener. Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping couples and parents level up and navigate their relationships with intentionality .

It's a senario that you never would have imagined yourself in. A chapter being written into your life without your knowledge, understanding, approval or warning. Someone you love or know has died by suicide. Your mind and heart are going a mile a minute as you try to ground yourself into this new reality. Your body is in shock, your mind in confusion, denial and wrestling with the Why?, and your emotions on a roller coaster. And as your mind races, attempts to process this new reality and questions flood your mind people more times than not begin to question what suicide is. A valid question and it helps to know something about the breadth and depth of suicide. Some facts about suicide: Suicide remains a tremendously stigmatized, under-reported, and poorly understood cause of death - yet these numbers make clear that it is a major public health problem in America (Jack Jordan & Bob Baugher). For more information about the epidemiology of suicide in the United States check out: www.afsp.org www.suicidology.org What Causes Suicide? In their book "After Suicide Loss: Coping with your grief;" By Jack Jordan, Ph.D. and Bob Baugher, Ph.D. they describe the cause for suicide as the "Perfect Storm". "A complex combination of biological, psychological, social, and situational factors that combine in just the wrong way to create the conditions that allow suicide to happen." They then continue to unpack suicide explaining some of the factors: Psychiatric Disorder: "There is abundant evidence that psychiatric disorders themselves are the result of a complex mixture of neurobiological (i.e., brain) dysregulation, psychological stress, and maladaptive coping efforts. One way to think of suicide is that it is the last stage of a psychiatric disorder for some (but not most people). Another way to say this is: people can literally die of depression or bipolar disorder in the same way they can die of heart disease or cancer." State of Mind: Research has demonstrated that a major component of suicidal thinking is a sense of hopelessness. The person may feel unloveable, feelings of rejection, helpless and a burden to others. There's also personality traits such as impulsivity or their reaction style that is typically depressive in nature, along with life getting really heavy all at once, creating a lethal mix of agitation, desperation, hopelessness, helplessness, and powerlessness. Stressors: Stressful events can increase the risk of suicide. Everything from a loss in relationship, death of a loved one, a role change, status change, becoming unemployed, divorce, financial difficulties, poor life choices, difficult marriage or work environment, bullying, recent loss, etc. Social Factors: The interactions or lack there of we have with people. Stigmatization, social isolation, physically, sexually or emotionally abused are just some of the social factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Situational Factors: Access to the weapon of choice, and/or exposure to the suicide of another person. Can Suicide Be Prevented? I'm sure you heard of all the slogans/dialogue out there regarding suicide prevention. But, the short and sweet of it is that, some but but not all people can be helped with their suicidal thoughts and that some, but no all people can be stopped from taking their life. It's the reality that not all depressions are crated equal. We need to make every effort to provide effective help to anyone who is suicidal. But society also needs to recognize that not every suicide can be prevented, in spite of our best efforts. -After Suicide Loss: Coping with your Grief The difficulty that comes with this perfect storm is that an element of it requires that the individual who is suicicial must communicate their distress and intentions in a way that is recognizable. The recognizable part in and of itself becomes difficult as suicidal individuals typically will communicate such distress without raising major red flags. Lastly, the suicidial person has to be able to have some part of them that has a desire to live. For most they become conflicted about dying and feel they have exhausted all resources and coping strategies on their end to solve their problems and resolve their distress. The fail to see the forest for the trees and instead make a permanent choice over a temporary situation. The question remains, the question that plagues a suicide survivor daily: Could the suicide of my loved one have been prevented? The unpacking of the perfect storm helps us to understand that some suicides can be prevented but it is rarely within the power of just one person to prevent a suicide. It takes collective efforts. It takes a village. It take the right things happening at the right time. Everything from mental health professionals and systems, family and friends, and the suicidal person themselves. For more information about suicide and about Psychiatric disorders: The National Insutitue of Mental Health - www.nimh.nih.gov The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - www.afsp.org The American Association of Suicidology - www.suicidology.org The American Psychiatric Association - www.psych.org The American Psychological Association - www.apa.org The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention - http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/ Organizations and Online Resources: All these groups have resources for survivors. Alliance of Hope - http://www.allianceofhope.org/alliance-of-hope-for-suic/welcome.html Parents of Suicide and Friends and Families of Suicide - http://www.pos-ffos.com/ Sibling Survivors.com- http://sibligsurvirors.com/sibling-grief/ Suicide: Finding Hope - http://www.suicidefindinghope.com/ Suicide Grief Support Forum - www.suicidegrief.com Podcasts: Life After Suicide with Dr. Jennifer Ashton Sources: Jordan, J. Ph.D. & Baugher, B. Ph.D. (2016). After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief (2nd ed.). Newcastle, Washington: Caring People Press Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping individuals be the best version they can be, even in the storms of life. September is NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION MONTH. Join the movement is sharing ways that our communities can #bethe1 to help someone in crisis. It's ok to ask for help call 1.800.273.8255( 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (crisis text line)

Some fresh perspective and tools on a concept I speak about regularly within individual, couples and parent coaching sessions. Today let's take a minute or so to remind ourselves about the topic of Flooding and how to take an effective break. Emotional Flooding: a state of being. It occurs when a person feels deeply threatened or feels like there is no escape. A feeling of overwhelm. Your heart rate increases to over 100 beats per minute. The result of emotional flooding is negative interactions. It effects your conversation, interaction, thinking, ability to access humor, ability to listen, process, effectively deal with the situation/scenario/problem or behavior(s). This all boils down to nothing productive occurring as one's ability to effectively and efficiently handle the conflict is derailed. Researcher Dr. Dan Siegel calls this expense "flipping your lid," as you lose access to all your creative abilities and executive functions which are located in your frontal cerebral cortex, the "lid" of your brain. You lose your sense of humor, perspective, wisdom, reasoning, emotional regulation, memory, problem-solving abilities, and find yourself walking in circles repeating yourself over and over again. Possible Signs of Emotional Flooding: Signs are unique to each individual, you really need to know yourself to narrow down your signs of emotional flooding face flushes back sweating skin starts to get goosbumbs loose your ability to reason crying brain fog pacing can't think can't communicate heart rate racing closed off to rational thinking and understanding loss of memory difficulty controlling emotions and words Shutting down, withdrawing various body cues Resolve: Take a Break You will be wasting your time if both or one of you is flooded and you continue engaging each other. It's okay to take a break and excuse yourself from the conversation. This is also a mutually agreeable break for the betterment of the relationship. Its recognizing that both the person and topic is important but that there's an inability to continue until emotional flooding has subsided. Continued engagement can result in a lack of grace, understanding, curiosity, kindness, respect, love, compassion, clarity, and processing. Remind yourself that if you continue to engage it will be a battle of nothingness. John Gottman says it best "The number one thing that couples argue about is nothing." Continuing will also put you at risk of harming the person and/or the relationship by saying something that's going to hurt them or the relationship. It truly is going into a danger zone in which the only thing you come out with on the other side is regret, hurt, trust issues, confusion, and pain. In essence making the problem bigger than it was ever meant to be and putting yourself at a higher risk for violence. Some may engage in situational domestic violence, emotional abuse or hitting a child. Tip: if your partner is clearly flooded DO NOT say "you need to calm down." Instead take a hit for the team and say "I'm flooded, I need to take a break let's meet back in 20 minutes." HOW TO TAKE AN EFFECTIVE BREAK: Create a safe word or a hand signal. Keep in mind the safe word isn't to be used when your uncomfortable (as conflict will and can bring some discomfort) in the conversation but when there is emotional flooding and you or the other person has flipped their lid the safe word needs to be used. Set an alarm. Emotional flooding takes no less than 20 minutes and no more than 24 hours. *If either of you are not ready after the 20 minutes then come together communicate where you are at and set a new time or sometimes depending on the time of day just go to bed. Separate. Go to separate places. Remember parents that your children need to calm down as well and should be encouraged and aided in creating their own calm down ritual. Do something self-soothing to bring your heart rate down and restore balance. The break cannot be a break that has you repeating thoughts or parts of the conversation. You truly need to disengage mentally and emotionally. Suggestions: cleaning a room, kitchen, yoga, read a book or magazine, take a shower, listen to soothing music, go for a walk, get some green time, breathe, practice relaxation breathing, coloring, scroll Pinterest, etc. The key is to turn your attention to something completely different in order to bring your heart rate down. Come back to the conversation/situation. Discuss, work through and resolve. Making sure to cover some main points such as expressing and understanding perspective, taking responsibility, game planning, and seeking to understand.*Tip: writing down what the other person is saying, become an investigator of the heart. Writing while listening actually turns off the defensive system of the brain. For parents you may need to do a technique known as co-regulation. This is where you borrow another person's cerebral cortex when you are getting flooded and need a break. You take a break and let another person (parent, grandparent, childcare provider, or friend) take over. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples, individuals, and parents helping with all things relational in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about helping people grow and becoming better versions of self. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and can use some help with flooding and or the damage it has created over time, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

I hear it more times then I can count "Couples therapy doesn't work." "Couples therapy hasn't worked for my friends." or "We can never heal the pain from the past." There's a hopelessness about these statements. But, at the root of it are they birthed from fear of the unknown, fear of the possibility, myths, reality of their friends experiences or that one is so entrenched in their maladaptive behaviors that they say couples therapy won't work because they don't want to give up their secret affair, their unrealistic views of what the future will look like or more importantly their inability to forgive themselves or the other person for their breach of trust? It's hard to narrow down one's motives nor am I attempting to. For all we know one may not want to entertain couples therapy for the mere stigma that surrounds it. However, I do want to bring light to some of the myths behind couples therapy in order that one can find some clarity and hope knowing that it works and is a game changer for relationships in a healthy way. Based on both clients accounts and some research, I found these to be the most widely held myths about couples therapy. Myth #1 If my partner and I see a couples therapist, it means divorce is inevitable. Reality: Absolutely not. It means that the two of you are ready and willing to work on improving your relationship. Or, perhaps just making sure that you are on the right path for a successful lasting relationship. You will likely understand yourselves and each other better. In addition, my clients have experienced a deeper friendship, greater self-awareness, romance, strengthened trust and commitment and a relationship that thrives not just survives the day to day grind . If you have harsh start-ups, the four horsemen, flooding, failed repair attempts, bad memories and didn't see a therapist, that in fact could lead to divorce. Myth #2: The Therapist will take sides. Reality: This is not true. A good couples therapist will remain neutral and help the two of you resolve your differences. There are times where their will be reality checks and a need to create realistic expectations. There will also be times where one partner may need a bit more focus within session than the other. However, at the end of each session, each of you should feel your point of view was heard and understood and that the work completed was for the improvement of the relationship. Myth #3: Couples therapy will lead to divorce. Reality: This is not true. Therapy in and of it self cannot lead to divorce. Successful therapy will have you seeing things you don't always want to see about yourself and your relationship with regards to unhealthy patterns, toxic conflict resolution, poor boundaries and unrealistic expectations. You will as a couple uncover past and present emotional injuries and breaches in trust with the opportunity to find healing and hope. It does require emotional stamina, a desire to learn and apply and a growth mindset. It requires commitment to the process and a willingness to be in the inner places that have one feeling vulnerable (reminder vulnerability is true strength). Myth #4: Couples therapy will only make things worst. Reality: False. Therapy in any form will have you going through the skeletons in your closet, dealing with some demons and surrendering to change and working through some things. But, that doesn't equate to making your life or marriage worst. Counseling works. There's a process involved in it but many have found counseling to be a benefit to their lives and highly recommend it (at least that's why my clients report). Myth #5: Our relationship is too far gone. Reality: It's not over till it's over. When everything points to divorce and the relationship seems beyond repair it doesn't mean its the end. Though your heart and mind may be feeling and thinking that. If you make the changes learned in therapy you can have a good outcome, the relationship can be different, love can return and you can connect in ways you haven't experienced in years. And for this reason I intentionally start couples therapy with "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", a psycho-educational piece which is a research-based tool for improving your relationship by building skills for strengthening your marriage. "Even a marriage that is about to hit bottom can be revived with the right intervention." John Gottman. For those having experienced a betrayal in the form of an affair, know that there is hope for your relationship as well. In these circumstances we will dive deep into a proven, research-based approach for treating couples impacted by infidelity. You will be empowered to not only rebuild your relationship but also create immunity from future betrayals using an Atone, Attune and Attach Model for treating affairs. Myth #6 Couples therapy takes forever and costs too much. Reality: Divorce is more expensive with more negative consequences then one can imagine. The fact of the matter is, therapist do work with clients financial situations to the best of their ability. In terms of it taking forever, there are a variety of ways a therapist can work with your particular situation and depending if your being proactive as opposed to needing intervention, your level of crisis and proactivity, couples therapy can take on different forms (time, duration, energy). It will however take some energy, time and resources to make your relationship stronger and happier. Keeping in mind... Anything worth having in life is worth working for. - Andrew Carnegie Myth #7 Couples therapy will be all about us digging up the past crap. Reality: Incorrect. It depends which couples therapist you go to. Some will have you sitting in the mess of the past and others will intentionally walk you through healing exercises in order to use the past as a cystalist for postive change. One of my favorite interventions is the "Aftermath of a Fight or an Regrettable Inident". Here we do a deep dive following 5 scripted steps which allow us to evaluate a situation designed specifically to increase understanding of each other. Myth #8 Change is impossible. Reality: Dr. Gottman says that couples do not need to overhaul their entire relationship or change their personalities. He speaks to small changes over time can make huge differences. Dr. Gottman uses the example of aiming a rocket toward the moon, being off a couple degrees can result in missing the moon by a wide margin. Just as a small correction in the path of the rocket can result in hitting the target, so small changes in the direction of the relationship can bring large rewards. "Don't miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult." ~unknown Why most marriage therapy fails The Gottman's have found in their years of research that most marriage therapy fails because of the goal of therapy. The advice that is given is that you must learn to communicate better and resolve conflict and all will be happy. The most commonly recommended method, "active listening". Active listening is an amazing skill don't get me wrong however it doesn't always work as a standalone strategy and is nearly impossible to do when feeling under attack and flooded. Unfortunately, the easy button of listening and conflict regulation alone isn't what makes couples therapy succeed. Couples counseling can be a rewarding experience. Depending on what state of your relationship you start counseling it can be a time of: Making sure your doing it right Healing and Hope Repair and rebuilding In all scenarios though it's a journey to a stronger relationship with a strong foundation in order that the relationship can go the distance and improve over time. It's time that we change our attitudes and approach about couples therapy and stop the stigma. It will take courage and vulnerability to open up, listen and forgive. It does take humility to consider another's perspective and learn new skills. It does take determination and perseverance to experience a loving realtionship. Lets choose today to break down the stigma of couples therapy and make it a little more accepted in our culture! Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples helping them create an intimate partnership for the journey of life in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about couples creating a strong friendship and foundation that can go the distance. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and couple life isn't quite what you expected it to be or you want to make sure you are doing it right, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

One question that can change the climate of your relationship for the better. Those that work with me know that I have dedicated both my personal and professional life to getting the most out of marriage, by learning to invest in a relationship in order to have a love that goes the distance and a marraige that lasts a lifetime. I enjoy most doing this transformative work with the Gottman Method. Along this journey I get excited when I come across super cool resources that are practical and easy to apply, yet have a rippling effect of positive change, that have couples in awe. One simple activity could be the key to experiencing the much needed progress and movement within their relationship in the areas of conflict and friendship, helping them create a meaningful strong relationship with a love that last a lifetime. One such resource that I came across recently is actually part of what’s called “The State of the Union” that the Gottman method speaks to completing on a weekly basis. Within this State of the Union one of the questions you ask your partner is what you could do to demonstrate love in the week to come. In reading this element it got me thinking, what if we were to isolate that question and make it a daily exercise. I started out with my clients, at the beginning of each session after they would state their appreciation’s for their partner I would have them answer that question. The question proved to be insightful for both the person asking and the person answering. It’s from their combined with a Kindness Challenge I did it a while back that got me to make it an assigned daily homework assignment. So are you ready to transform the climate of your relationship with the one question? Here’s the way it works: Everyday ask your partner the one question. The question is: "What can I do for you today to make you feel loved?" That’s it. Pretty simple right? Ummm.....yes and no. Some couples have come across some obstacles that I think would be wise to sit in for second before starting your very own adventure with the question. It doesn’t feel authentic/natural. It feels prescribed. First, I love when clients are honest about their objections or resistance to completing a task as it gives us a moment to process and gain insight. With this particular obstacle I’d like to challenge you to think of all the many things in our daily activities that don’t feel authentic/natural, that feels prescribed. Take for example when you’re learning how to rollerblade. This has been an endeavor in which I recently embarked upon and nothing about breaking feels authentic/natural. I have been watching videos, reading blogs, talking with more experienced skaters and watching people skate live. It’s all prescribed if we are honest about it and I’m okay with putting the energy into the prescription in order to learn how to rollerblade successfully and not fall on my face (like I did the other day…talk about embarrassing). With all that being said shouldn’t I put that same amount of energy into enhancing my relationship? It isn’t natural/authentic in the beginning but with time it will and can be. I don’t want to try something new. Lots of people have a resistance to trying something new. We are creatures of habit and we most definitely have our ways of doing things. Anything that comes in and shakes that way up has us responding with resistance. It takes courage to step out of one’s comfort zone and stretch oneself with something new. Why should I have to ask. Love is a dance. You’ve probably heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which amazingly organizes our love styles into 5 different languages, but what if we can make love even more doeable by taking out the guess work of loving well. The crazy thing is that it’s actually not hard to love one another, the complication comes in with consistency. This is another reason why I love the Gottman method, in that it speaks to a motto “Small things often” for better or worse. Small things often is part of the foundation of friendship and increases connection through what’s called turning toward each other. Not to mention that you are depositing into the emotional bank account of your partner. I don’t want to do one more thing. I’m always doing and giving. It’s their turn to start contributing. I can relate it’s hard to jump in with both feet when the other person is not fully committed or appears to be not fully committed to the realtionship. This will be an exercise in trust and trusting the process of changing the climate within your relationship. The crazy thing is that this question becomes a double benefit to both partners. Spolier alert! This becomes a trust building exercise that not only benefits the partner being loved on but the partner asking. One receives, while the other develops the habit of mind of thinking of their partner with regard to lifting and prioritizing the realtionship. This is a process of changing the tide of the relationship with integrating positivity in small yet big ways. There is also an influencing aspect to it as well, that of the partner at times starts to reciprocate the positivity being shown to them. Ready to experience what clients have reported as an overall climate change within their repationship? Your Turn: Ask your partner, "What is one thing I can do to show you love today?" It’s great if you do it in the morning, in order to have all day to complete it. Make sure you complete it. The next day ask again, and the next day. Ask for 30 days in order to make it a habit. Pay attention to the climate of your relationship. Pay attention to your patner's response. Don’t assume anything is going to happen. Just notice. It’s not a tally system. The point is to change the climate of your relationship. It’s about changing from a negative to a positive cycle within your relationship. Be consistent. Consistency of asking the question. The consistency of following through. Marriage is an adventure and sometimes the choices that we make can make that adventure an exciting one or one that drains the life out of us. Introducing fun and creative activities/exercises into the relationship not only enhances the climate of our relationship but it also strengthens and deepens the friendship. Have fun. Show yourself some mercy if you miss a day just get right back on it the next day. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples helping them create an intimate partnership for the journey of life in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about couples creating a strong friendship and foundation that can go the distance. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and couple life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Ever feel like your progress is moving at snail speed? Feel like you’re putting in all this time, energy, and effort and your progress just doesn’t seem to reflect it all? Welcome to the struggles within the messy middle of your journey. The part where progress is slow and challenges your desire to keep going. This part of the journey is all to familiar to me when I was attempting to get back to a healthy lifestyle. I knew that the process would be long and difficult. I knew that I didn’t get to where I was overnight and I wasn’t disillusioned to think that I would get where I wanted to get instantly. But, I never envisioned the amount of blood, sweat and tears that it would take on a daily basis to stick with and work toward my goal. Connecting the Dots When I started to process my journey I found there were a lot of similarities with regard to ones journey to getting emotionally healthy. With both it started with the realization that something needs to change and something has to give. I like to put it this way.....you come to the end of self. At the end of self one begins to recognize that life can't continue the way it's going. In simple terms the pain of staying the same starts to noticeably outweigh the pain of changing. Once in this head space one starts to both recognize and accept that it’s going to take some work to make the necessary changes for a better tomorrow. The issue is that once the work begins one never anticipates the element of the messy middle in which progress can be slow. Why does progress become slow (or seem slow)? For various reasons. Microwave mindset: Everything should be fast and easy, like cooking food in the microwave. Unrealistic expectations: All change should occur in 6 to 8 weeks. This is what society bombards us with no matter what the change is that we are attempting to tackle. We create these expectations that we should be in a different place at this point in our journey. Comparison game. Comparing our insides with other's outsides. We do this through social media, at the gym, work, church and the list goes on. We see others sprinting through change and reaping the benefits of that change.....or so we think. So, what helped me in the messy middle when the progress slowed down? A mindset shift. I had to switch my thinking from that of a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. A fixed mindset has you sitting in the beliefs, feelings and thinking that change is impossible. A growth mindset is the opposite in that change is possible with commitment and hard work. Why does mindset matter? Do you have hours for me to explain? Probably not, so for the meantime the short and sweet of it is that your mindset is the game changer to the process of change, as it plays one of the most critical roles in how you cope with life's challenges. So, after I had my pity party a.k.a pause moment, regarding this part of the messy middle and grieved what was and was not, labeled my feelings and unpacked and processed my unhealthy thoughts (which I highly recommend). I then adopted five mindsets to get through this part of the messy middle of my journey: Determine your Why! Writing out my hearts Why was and is imperative to the journey. Determining why I sought this change and what I'm hoping to achieve remains the focus that drives me when sitting in the messy middle of the change. Create a plan. Writing down what I’m working on and creating a plan in which I write out the little small steps I need to do everyday to reach that goals. Intentionality and systems go a long way. This can look different for everyone, but one of my favorite ways of doing this is through journaling. Having a journal in which I highlight what my goals are and the small steps I need to take within a 3 month period to accomplish those goals. The journaling also allows one to celebrate the small steps as you can visibly see your progress. Put your feelings in a box. Weird thing coming from a therapist, right? I mean aren't you suppose to explore and process feelings? Yes, your right but if time has taught me anything it’s that feelings have a tendency to get in the way. Acknowledged yes! Trusted no! What do I mean by trusted? Well if I trusted my feelings and acted on them, they would have me sitting on the couch in self-pity as my feelings would be whispering to me "it’s too hard", "your never going to see the change you want", "what are you doing this for anyways"? Focus on the process of change. Recognizing that it’s not the destination but the adventure along the way. Numerous people have spoken about how they were so hyper focused on the end result that they lost focus of the journey and the adventure that was intertwined in the journey. The end result ended up being disappointing. Ralph Waldo Emerson states "Life is a journey not a destination". I’ve seen more people experience joy as they lean into the process of change and focus less on the end result. Recognize everyone's journey is unique. Everyone has their own stories, uniqueness, make up, experiences, external and internal challenges, strengths and weaknesses. They may sprint through change in some areas of life and struggle through others. We are all uniquely different and different doesn't mean bad. This journey through the messy middle is that of a personal nature. What works for some will not work for others. My hope is that this gives you a push in the right direction in order to create your own personalized game plan for the messy middle's you encounter on your journey. Which one of the five mindsets can you try when progress is slow and you don’t feel like you have what it takes to keep on the good fight? Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals helping them discover the person they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area.

During the months of November and December, most people have open enrollment for their medical benefits including HSAs (Health Savings Accounts) and FSAs (Flexible Spending Accounts) which bring some big changes come January. With those big changes however it also brings big questions as people try to navigate through the in’s and out’s of their new policy changes or new policy all together. With the dance of insurance being a tricky one for some, we do our best at Traveling Light to make the process as easy as possible. Below are some questions to ask your insurance company relating to navigating the nuances of your insurance if interested in using your out-of-network benefits for counseling services. Do you have out of network benefits. Depending on the insurance plan you choose you may not have out-of-network benefits. What is your out-of-network deductible? Knowing your deductible will allow you to know how much money you will have to pay out of pocket before you insurance begins to cover sessions fully or require you to pay a co-pay. Do they cover counseling services. There are times depending on the policy that your insurance will have a different system and/or deductible for Mental Health Out-Patient services. Ask if they cover code 90837 or 90834 (for individual counseling only). How do you submit for reimbursement? Some insurance companies allow the practice to submit the necessary paperwork which makes the process easier and we are glad to help with. However, there are a handful of insurance companies, such as Blue Cross Blue Shield, in which you will have to submit a Superbill for reimbursement. A Superbill is a document your therapist will provide via your online portal in which it includes all the necessary information required by the insurance company to process the claim. It’s really important to ask this when speaking with your insurance representative as each insurance company has different procedures when submitting a Superbill. For those having to submit Superbills to their insurance I am happy to recommend Better, a resource to help you with out-of-network insurance reimbursements. Better has an app that makes filing out -of-network claims quick and easy. How does it work? Signing up for a Better account only takes 1-2 minutes! Simply download the Better iPhone app or sign-up online, take a photo of your insurance card and Better handles the rest! www.getbetter.co/register Pricing For all claims that are filed towards your deductible to others ineligible for reimbursement, Better is free of charge. They charge a 10% service fee for the insurance reimbursement you receive. We look forward to continuing to work with you and your family! If we can be of further assistance please feel free to ask. Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping relationships be the best version they can be. Nothing excites me more that helping relationships level up and find fun and creative ways to connect, learn and grow. I offer relational support, education and help to individuals, couples, families and parents. Please do not hesitate to bring me onto your journey, I'd be honored. Please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Bronnie Ware a former nurse spent several years caring for the terminally ill, who were in the last few weeks of life. She recorded the regrets of people she spoke with as they were nearing their end and doing the all to common reflection on the life they lived. She eventually turned their discussions into an article and then a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Bronnie wrote this about people's most common regret of not letting themselves be happier, "This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end, that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again." In her book she outlines these top five regrets: Living a life with no regrets means you have to resolve to be happy. You have to unpack the science of happiness and take intentional and baby steps daily to cultivate it within your life. All too often we dance around this concept of happiness all the while dismissing that it's an inside job that will take effort on our part to both experience it and live it out. As you travel on your journey be: Intentional about your happiness Determine and prioritize what's important Choose to live in the front row of your life making memories that last a lifetime. Embrace a positive and grateful attitude, outlook and stance on life. You do deserve to be happy! Everyone does. But it's unfortunately not going to just fall into your lap. You are in control of your happiness and how you choose to view yourself and your life. We only get one life to live. Isn't it time to start living it to the fullest? Tracie Miles says it best in her book "Love Life Again", as she concludes her book she challenges you to recognize your days are numbered and to start living live to the fullest by: Embracing contentment. Recognize where discontentment resides in your heart and tackle it so it doesn't lay claim to your happiness another day. Recognizing your value. Believe without a shadow of a doubt that you are a priceless treasure in God's eyes. Loving yourself. Love yourself the way God loves you, and commit to trying to see yourself through His eyes instead of focusing only on what you see in the mirror or in the rearview mirror of your past. Accepting forgiveness. Accept that God has forgiven you and remembers your sin no more. Believe you are clean and as white as snow from His point of view. Fully embrace His gift of unconditional forgiveness. Forgiving and forgetting. Set yourself free from the prison of bitterness, hurt, and anger by letting go of the past and forgiving those who have hurt you. Remember the prisoner you are setting free is you. Conquering loneliness. Don't let loneliness steal your joy, because you always have a Friend by your side. Being a friend. Pray for friends and expectantly and excitedly wait to see how God will fill your life with people. Always try to be the kind of friend you want to have. Laughing more. Laugh a lot, smile frequently, and let joy permeate you from head to toe. Be the reason someone else smiles today. Turning complaining into praising. Stop whining and complaining and start a habit of praising instead. Make every effort to look for reasons to praise God, especially when a wave of complaints begins to roll off your tongue. Stressing over the future no longer. Don't worry about tomorrow or a hundred tomorrows down the road, because God already has things all planned out. Trust He has control of your future and it is a good, good plan because He is a good, good Father. Developing a thankful heart. Fill your heart with so much thankfulness that ungratefulness has no room to grow. Being the answer to someone's prayer. Be the hands and feet of Jesus. Try to do something nice for someone else every day. Being kind to others not only makes us feel good but also shifts our focus from problems to people. Reigniting your faith. Ask God to ignite a flame in your heart, and spend time every day getting to know His story [and that of His son's] through Scripture. She finishes off the book with these encouraging words definitely worth repeating,"Be more determined than ever to truly live the life you were meant to live, because this is the only chance you have to live it. Give it your all. Make the most of every day. Seize today! Let it be the first day of the rest of your very own joy-filled, dearly loved, amazing life." Sources: Bronnie Ware, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," Huffington Post, January 21, 2012, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/bronnie-ware/top-5-regrets-of-the-dyin_b_1220965.html Tracie Miles, "Love Life Again, (Colorado Springs: David Cook, 2018) Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping relationships be the best version they can be. Nothing excites me more that helping relationships level up and find fun and creative ways to connect, learn and grow. Please do not hesitate to bring me onto your journey, I'd be honored. Please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

From the minute we are born we are programmed with traditional ways of doing things especially, with the way we learn.  Throughout my academic journey as a child I found myself constantly not living up to both my parents and teachers expectations.  School meeting after school meeting it was always she’s not applying herself, she’s not working to her full potential, she can be doing more if she would just stop (fill in the blank) and the list goes on.  The funny thing is that I tested gifted and even went to a school for the gifted but remained a mystery to my parents, administration, therapist and teachers for the duration of my school years. I never failed out of my courses and as my dad liked to say I did enough just to avoid the really big consequences at home (hello to my oppositional side) but I never really applied myself till 11th and 12th grade. Fast forward to college years.  I was now more in control of my academics when I started to realize the traditional way of learning that was imparted to me throughout my grade school years was ineffective and unproductive.  I didn’t apply myself all these years and work to my full potential not out of a lack of desire but that of knowledge. I didn’t have the knowledge about how I learned, retained and acquired information and for that matter no one working with me knew either.  Granted I wasn’t an easy child and that definitely made the process more fun for everyone involved (hashtag sarcasm) but at the end of the day the educators and I lacked the skills of understanding. Understanding how it is that I learned and the best way to have me tap into all my skills and use them to the fullest of my potential. Based on my journey and countless others I’ve walked alongside, I want to help you get more clarity and understanding of the way you learn in order to be the best version of self and explore and learn beyond your wildest expectations.  Let the journey to understanding the way you learn begin with these three steps. Step 1: Observe and take notes You are the expert of yourself.  You know yourself best. You interact with yourself more than anyone else.  In addition to seeing yourself in many different settings, where you experience many different demands.  Your behavior is not random and your actions do not come out of nowhere. We need to identify patterns to help explain what’s going on and in identifying patterns we will be able to discover the source of certain limitations and start applying effective strategies to help.  Observe yourself and take notes on what you see as your input will make a significant difference when it comes to helping you understand and improve on your areas of weakness. When you intentionally observe yourself and take notes: You gain insight into when and how to intervene, what needs to be done differently in your routine, ways of doing things and lifestyle choices. You get a fuller understanding of your learning and attention issues. You will gather information about what is happening before, during and after a task.  When gathering this information take notes on when you are having the problems, and the day and time.  Your eating and sleeping habits. Any emotional, mental or relational stress you are experiencing. Any sensory elements with regards to setting, sound, comfort of surroundings.  The task you’re accomplishing breaking down what the demands are. Who else is around. What is your opinion on why you are having a difficult time in the moment with the task. Make a list what is your brain good at and what is it not. Step 2: Understand and discover The tests asssigned during our time together will allow you to discover: what your learning style is and what study habits you can improve.  Your strengths and weaknesses pertaining to your multiple intelligence. Understanding your sensory processing and executive functioning. Lastly, we’ll explore the most common learning disabilities. Step 3: Process and Plan As you travel through this journey, you and I will be processing all of your observations, understandings, thoughts and feelings.  This process will help us (and by us I mean you and I) to better understand what you have been experiencing, brainstorm techniques, apply techniques, keeping the ones that work and doing away with the rest.  It’s going to be a process, but always remember you are worth it and you owe it to yourself to have a better understanding of your strengths and weakness in order to uniquely meet the demands of your environment, school and work.  You got this. We got this. Take a deep breath. We will figure this out together! I'm passionate about helping people become "unstuck" in their unhelpful and/or unhealthy patterns of behavior. If you're in the Saint Lucie County Area and feeling "stuck" with feeling overwhelmed and/or any other debilitating symptoms of anxiety, please give me a call at 772-361-84408 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

2 ways to work on your relationship throughout the year without leaving the comfort of your home. How many times do you see marriage retreats pop up in your area and you are unable to attend for one reason or another. Be it scheduling conflicts, lack of financial resources, unwillingness to be in a large group, inability/unwillingness to secure a babysitter and the list goes on. Life can be complicated and busy however I attempt creatively to take the complicated out of growth. So, what in the world is a DIY relationship workshop you may be thinking. My thought process behind the concept was birthed a while back when first hearing a Psychologist speak about how he intentionally works on his marriage on a yearly basis. He explained that yearly he and his wife evaluate the state of their marriage with regards to weaknesses and strengths and come up with a game plan over the course of the upcoming year to strategically and intentionally work on their marriage, through what's known as bibliotherapy (the use of books as therapy). So, one year they wanted to grow in intimacy (which is way more then just sex) so they choose their books and set out for a year long journey of understanding, practicing and growing in the area of intimacy. It was pretty cool hearing him speak of his intentionality with their marriage and it spoke to me in the sense of how I can both bring that to my relationships (at the time I was a single mom) and to the couples I work with. Interested in bringing this creativity into your relationship? Here are 2 ways to uncomplicate growth. Books. Assessing your weakness and strengths as a couple and choosing 4 books to read together over the course of the year in your areas of weakness. An example of that would be your desire to improve communication with each other. You would choose which books will help grow your communication as a couple and then create the time and space to commit to the task of reading weekly. As a couple you can be creative with this process and play into each other's strengths, as there are relationships where the wife loves to read and the husband prefers to listen to her read. No matter the venue you choose to digest the information, the important part is that you are doing it together and processing the material in order to build a strong version of relationship. Online video streaming.For those clients that personally work with me I offer access to a video streaming program through Right Now Media. Rightnow media is an online streaming video subscription service where I give you instant access to hundreds of video Bible and topical studies from the world’s best and brightest authors, pastors, and Bible study teachers.  Think of it like a Netflix or Hulu for studies/workshops! Once you begin your work with me, I’ll send you an invitation to access the studies on any of your devices including, iPhone/iPad/iPod, Android, phones and tablets, Mac and Windows PCs and Apple TV.  In the beginning I will assign which videos to watch based on where you are at in your relationship and then through time you will transition to picking your own material. Some videos speak to a workbook or book and getting them is all up to you and how deep you want to go with a particular subject matter. You can choose just to listen and watch, watch and complete the workbook or watch, complete the workbook and read the book.  For the best absorption my recommendation is to complete the workbook in order to truly process all that is being watched, your thoughts and feelings regarding both the content and your relationship and aid in the process of application. Another cool feature is to pause and discuss as you see fit, in order to discuss, process and unpack relevant relational dynamics in the moment. Be creative! You can even schedule a gateway for the weekend with the sole purpose of watching and processing the information in the videos or books you choose. You'll grow, spend some quality time with each other and be encouraged to make your marriage even better than ever. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Can't set aside an overnight trip. No worries. You can plan a few dinner dates or maybe even mornings together over a week or two. Customize your workshop in whatever way is best for the two of you! We have to remember to continue to nuture and care for our relationship in order to benefit from the growth it has all the potential to achieve. We recognize in our work environment the need for continuing education hours but somewhere lose sight of the need to do that in our most valuable realtionships. Never stop growing as a couple. You owe it to yourselves to care, grow and tend to your highest priority. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples helping them create an intimate partnership for the journey of life in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about couples creating a strong friendship and foundation that can go the distance. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and couple life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

There's something about expectations that can turn the most promising situation, experience or relationship into a wasteland. When couples first come to see me they eagerly anticipate what is to come. They both recognize and acknowedge that thier relationship has gotten to a place of crisis and want so badly to come out of that state and restore both the friendship and love. They eagerly start the assessment in the beginning, help create goals and lean into learning the interventions. We get a couple of sessions under our belt and then...... And then there comes a time, for some, where they start to lose hope. Why? Well, they start to lose hope for 2 reasons. One reason is that their partner stops putting in 100% effort. The other reason is because change is slow. Both reasons can be maddening and having the sanest person question their relationships future. Feelings of hopelessness, confusion, frustration, pain and sadness in addition to thoughts of "will we be able to go the distance?" begin to consume one's thinking. Can I tell you a secret? These are all normal thoughts and feelings and in order to survive the lows of a relationship one should process these 8 tips: Catch your breath. Unfortunately we can't control our partner (as much as we would like to). Deciphering and then focusing on what you can control and releasing what you can't does wonders for your mental health and self growth. Take time to journal and do contemplative reflection. There's power in the process of being able to mentally and emotionally vomit one's thoughts and feelings onto paper. Sometimes just getting it all out provides one with a level of clarity and understanding either of oneself, your partner or the relationship dynamics. You can also ask your spouse to reflect on their own contributions to the relationship and what changes they can make. Encouraging self-awareness can lead to personal growth and positive changes. Good self care. The relationship suffers when we do not individually practice good self care. You must remember that you can not give from an empty cup and work on ways to fill your cup daily, weekly and annually. Cultivate a positive mindset in the midst of the negativity. Hard things build character. Irregardless of what your partner does or does not do, this process has all the potential in the world to develop you into a finer, stronger and wiser individual. Have a support system. Surround yourself with a good support system, someone you can lean on in the stressful times, that will allow you to vent and release some pinned up tension. Have patience. Change is a process and changes in a relationship take time. Your relationship didn't get where it is overnight and it will take time to get to a healthy place. There is you change, them change and together change that has to take place. Tools have to be taught, learned and practiced. Emotional baggage has to be unpacked and processed. Healthy relational patterns need to be formulated and the heart has to heal. Be patient with each other as you both work towards a healthier and more fulfilling connection. Celebrate small victories and progress along the way. Appreciate the journey. Perhaps change isn't going the way you desired, however sometimes we have to appreciate the journey and accept that this is a marathon not a sprint. Gratitude and appreciation for the little steps everyone is taking goes a long way. Lean into your faith. For those that filter life through faith taking the perspective of Gary Thomas may be of great assistance as he challenges our paradigm of marriage in his book "Sacred Marriage" that marriage can help us to deepen our relationship with God. From the practice of forgiveness, to the ecstasy of lovemaking, to the history you and your spouse create together, everything about your marriage is filled with the potential for discovering and revealing God's character. He challenges you to rethink marriage not as a tool to making you happy but instead as a means for you to be more holy. A call to holiness more than happiness. Using the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to God and to grow in Christian character. Communicate openly & listen actively: Share your feelings and concerns with your spouse. Approach the conversation calmly and avoid blaming language. Use "I" statements to express your emotions rather than making accusatory "you" statements. Encourage your spouse to share their perspective on the relationship. Understanding their feelings and concerns is crucial for finding common ground and working together to improve the relationship. Identify specific concerns: Pinpoint the areas where you feel your spouse is not giving their full effort. Be specific about behaviors or actions that have been causing tension or dissatisfaction. This will help both of you focus on concrete areas for improvement. Set realistic expectations: Make sure both of you have a clear understanding of each other's expectations within the relationship. Discuss your needs, priorities, and goals to ensure you are on the same page. Reevaluate the relationship: If, despite your efforts, your spouse continues to show disinterest or unwillingness to improve the relationship, you may need to reassess whether the relationship is meeting both of your needs. Sometimes, seeking professional guidance or considering a trial separation might be necessary. Seek professional help: Consider couples counseling or therapy to facilitate open communication and gain insights from a neutral third party. I can help you both explore underlying issues and provide guidance on how to address them constructively. Relationship takes time, energy and work and unfortunately there is no easy button or magic wand to fix the parts we struggle with and challenge and stretch the fibers of our relationship. It is a process that has to go through a series of ups and downs, growing pains and refinement. But, the process has many benefits. Relationships are rewarding. Those that trust the process and persevere experience a richer life and relationship in addition to a stronger character. Their perspective changes regarding the things in life and they begin to sing a different tune. They get clarity on life and relationship and change the filter in which they process everything they experience, think and feel. Their relationships get richer and stronger over time and they create a partnership that goes the distance. Have faith in the process and that it doesn’t always rain. A happy ending is just around the corner. I like how Brannon Belis in Live, Learn, Grow he speaks to hope and faith when he says “Faith is the strength to hold on when all we want to do is give up. Faith challenges us to give when we feel we have so little. Faith is love beyond fear. Faith is that precious child like moment when we honestly believe that peace is that path we deserve to walk. So, don’t give up five minutes before the miracle. If we are determined and stay the course we can do most anything." Remember, every relationship is unique, and these suggestions are general guidelines. It's important to tailor your approach based on the specific dynamics of your relationship and the personalities involved. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples helping them create an intimate partnership for the journey of life in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about couples create a strong friendship. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and your relationship isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.