Search Results

Embarking on the journey of self-discovery and healing through counseling is a courageous step. However, finding the right counselor can be pivotal to the success of this journey. Prior to the boom of the internet finding someone is pretty easy. You talked to your general physician or pastor and they recommend someone to you. Typically a generalist that would help you for a couple of weeks and that was that. No real value but you came out of the experience a little more insightful. Fast forward to present day and if you just search the word therapy or counseling near me and you're bombarded with a million different directories, therapist, AI therapy and centers. Again I repeat it's overwhelemening. Some people find the process so overwhelming they just give up. They recognize that counseling would be beneficial for this part of their journey but finding a therapist feels impossible. Knowing that feeling of impossibility let's see if we can break down some of the major parts of finding a therapist. Here are some practical steps and considerations to help you navigate the process of finding a counselor who aligns with your needs and fosters a supportive therapeutic relationship. Define Your Goals and Needs: Before beginning your search, take some time to reflect on your goals for counseling and the specific issues or concerns you want to address. I also like to call this define your "WHY". This clarity will guide your search and help you find a counselor with expertise in the areas most important to you. Research Counseling Approaches: Familiarize yourself with different counseling approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, or person-centered therapy. Understanding these approaches can help you identify the style that resonates with you and aligns with your preferences. Ask for Recommendations: Seek recommendations from friends, family, or colleagues who have had positive experiences with counseling. Personal recommendations can provide valuable insights into a counselor's effectiveness and approach. Check Professional Credentials: Verify the professional credentials of potential counselors. Licensed and certified counselors adhere to ethical standards and have completed the necessary education and training. Check their licensure and certifications to ensure they meet industry standards. Consider Specializations: Some counselors specialize in specific areas such as anxiety, depression, trauma, Neurodiversity or relationship issues. If you have specific concerns, look for counselors with expertise in those areas to ensure they have the knowledge and skills to address your needs. This is vital!!!!!! Do your research and make sure the counselor has the specialization that fits you. Explore Online Directories: Utilize online directories that list qualified counselors in your area. Websites like Psychology Today or your state's counseling association directories can be valuable resources for finding counselors and learning about their backgrounds and specialties. There are even specialized directories that help you narrow down even further a qualified counselor for your journey. Read Reviews and Testimonials: Look for reviews or testimonials from previous clients. While individual experiences vary, reading about others' experiences can provide insights into a counselor's approach and effectiveness. This can be tricky however so navigate carefully. Connect with Potential Counselors: Reach out to potential counselors to schedule initial consultations or phone calls. Use this opportunity to ask questions about their approach, experience, and how they typically work with clients. This interaction can give you a sense of their personality and whether you feel comfortable working with them. Trust Your Instincts: Pay attention to your instincts and how you feel during the initial interactions. Trust is essential in the counseling relationship, so if you don't feel a connection or comfort level, it's okay to continue your search. Consider Logistics: Practical considerations, such as the counselor's location, availability, and fees, are also important. Ensure that the logistics align with your schedule and budget to make the counseling process sustainable. Finding the right counselor is a personal and empowering process. By taking the time to define your goals, explore options, and connect with potential counselors, you set the foundation for a therapeutic relationship that supports your unique journey toward healing and growth. Remember that finding the right counselor is a dynamic process, and it's okay to take the time needed to make an informed decision that aligns with your needs and values. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. As an ADHD, Twice-Exceptional, Highly Sensitive Person, she understands the struggles that come with being Neurodiverse. She wants to help you, your child or relationship experience the gifts that come with being Neurodiverse, reduce the intensity you have been living with, and help you navigate through life with more confidence, awareness, emotional strength and perspective.

It's a conversation you never thought would be part of your story. It's a regular start or finish to your day when your spouse says they need to talk to you. Or perhaps you guys are in the midst of yet another nasty fight. It's at that moment your spouse announces they want a divorce. You can't believe your ears. Did your heart and head just hear that correctly? Is this for real. Does your spouse really want a divorce? I've seen people in your shoes and I've been in your shoes. Your spouse announces they want a divorce and mistakes are made as it relates to bringing people into your story. Some common mistakes to avoid are: One mistake is to not tell anyone, often out of shame or to avoid recognizing the threat as real. The result is isolation and stewing in one’s juices. A second mistake is to tell the world. You’ve seen it: everyone at work, church, and Facebook gets told. The spouse is furious for being made to be the bad guy for a marriage crisis. And people start taking sides. Not only that but the lines start getting blurred with regards to people that care and are just curious and want to be in your business because it's the latest gossip. Not everyone has earned the right to your story and honestly not everyone can handle it. A third mistake is talking to a few wrong people. Top on the list is your children—young or out of the house. So, what do we need to do in times of marriage crisis? How do we navigate the unknown when swallowed by emotions and need the support of others to get through this very difficult season? First, you need to let some dust settle before bringing anyone in and churning them up. Make sure your emotions have stabilized first, or else you will be inviting them to take care of you, and maybe side with you. Wait a bit to see if your spouse wavers on the divorce idea. And don’t talk to your spouse’s relatives and friends—that will feel like back stabbing. So who should you talk to? Ideally just one or a couple of very trusted friends or family members. Here are some criteria to use in choosing confidants. Someone who will listen and empathize but not take your side against your spouse. Someone who will be reluctant to give advice and prefers to help you sort out your own options. Someone who will not tell you to just accept the divorce as inevitable. Someone who shows compassion for your spouse and not just you. Someone who is positive about marriage (avoid marriage skeptics) and is able to hold hope for your marriage. Opening up is good. We were created for connection and you shouldn't want to or expect to go through this marriage crisis alone. I know for me I had two women of faith, my parents and a couple that helped me navigate the most difficult of times during that season. They would feed me both spiritually and physically, tend to my children, encourage and support me. They allowed me to completely fall apart and helped me put the pieces together. They held me accountable and required healthy from me. I can say confidently if I didn't have them in my life the situation, experiences and emotions would have been crippling and negatively affected everything and my two boys. You need to have confidants that are there to support you but you need to choose your confidants wisely. Tell them what you need—caring, support, constructive challenge, and a friend for you and your marriage. And if there's kids involved someone to both support you and assist you with the kids. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She specializes in all things relationship. Relationship with self, others and children.

The reveal that your spouse wants a divorce can come in different ways but no matter how it finds its way to you there are some key things to focus on when trying to say your marriage. I recognize it's easier said then done but there is truth to these 6 ways. In full transparency, I had the hardest time with the beginning of my marriage crisis. It's not that I intentionally wanted to freak out I just couldn't figure out how to get grounded in an experience that turned my life completely upside down. I felt like I was always treading water and at any moment I could loose strength and drown in a sea of emotions and thoughts. Grounding yourself is key and the benefits it will provide both you and your marriage is life changing. I've walked countless individuals through a divorce reveal and helped them walk through the discomfort of the now, the pain of the emotions and the uncertainty of the future. It's not easy, going through a marriage crisis but there are mistakes we can make that make things worse. You want to save your marriage. Got it. You'll never be able to do it from a state of panic and chaos. Slow down. Breath. Ground yourself. Connect with your people. Get the support your need and take it one day at a time. Some resources for your journey. The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis. Take Back Your Marriage, Second Edition: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart by William Doherty Remember there is no guarantee that fighting for your marriage will end the way you want. But, from personal experience it has offered me peace of mind that I did everything I could and I moved forward with no regrets. I also learned early on you can't divorce yourself and I needed to fix, work on and improve myself as I would be taking me into a new marriage. So, all of what I learned to save my marriage at the time assisted me in becoming a better version of myself then and into my new marriage. It wasn't for waste. It wasn't what I envisioned but it wasn't for waste and that has been both my experience and that of my clients. Lastly, want to learn more how I can come alongside you and your marriage during this time of crisis learn more about what Discernment Counseling can offer your marraige and understand your role as the leaning in partner. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She specializes in all things relationship. Relationship with self, others and children.

I have to say when I was first introduced to this concept I had no idea the full extent of what it was speaking to. I thought it's just someone having a momentary doubt about the marriage. It will pass. It will resolve itself and everything resets. However, the more I learn about marital doubt the more I come to understand the magnitude of how it shows up within a marriage and the damaging affects it has short and long term on the individual and the relationship if left unchecked. Let's unpack the concept together. As it relates to doubt people usually keep doubts about their marriage to themselves. Here we’re not talking about ordinary concerns about the relationship or even feeling in a stuck pattern—instead, we’re talking about worries about whether the marriage will survive. This is scary to think about. If you tell others, you might get unhelpful suggestions such as “just listen to your inner voice” or “make a pros and cons list”! So, the doubts stay underground, coming and going, sometimes for years. Here's what new research says: About 1 in 5 married people (22%) report having some doubt about whether their marriage will survive. To put it simply, you have lots of company if you have doubts about your marriage. But this is not a permanent 24/7 state of mind, as you have likely already experienced. Marital doubt can take a lot of pathways: sometimes it just lingers at the same level, but more often people describe it like a roller coaster. Sometimes you feel confident about the future of your marriage, and then something happens that puts you in a gloomy, doubt-returning place. You have a couple of good days and then the nightmare of your reality smacks you dead in the face. You talk your way back, reminding yourself that you love your spouse and that divorce would hurt a lot of people. But hours, days or weeks later, your doubts creep back. It’s anxiety-provoking and extremely unpleasant (to put it mildly). This limbo state of anxiety can seem to go on forever, draining your energy in the present and for the future. It’s important to appreciate that marital doubt is by its nature a private emotion. So, it can feel isolating and lonely. There is no big public sharing as there may be for career angst, or when a family member getting a scary medical diagnosis and you have a cadre of people to process your emotions. Then there's when you were falling in love and everybody knew. Fast forward and now maybe you have just one friend or a counselor you’ve opened up to. Certainly not your spouse! Your anxiety grows from hiding such a threatening emotion and from worrying about the risks of “outing” yourself. Many people in the marital-doubt camp are trying to figure out if their spouse is capable of changing. This is a big one and one in which has them at times stuck. This leads some doubters to unconsciously create “tests” for their spouse, to see if change is possible. (“If I don’t remind him of _______________, will he remember?”) When the spouse fails the test, the doubts are fueled. Because there is no sharing, a doubter’s spouse has no idea what’s going on. Even if they sense the other’s discontent, they aren’t likely to see any threat to the future of their marriage. They just see it has it being a passing situation, feeling or conflict. Every marriage has its ups and downs, they think, and they may also have gripes about the marriage (but not about whether divorce is in the future). So where do these doubters go on their journey? During this marital doubt phase, according to researcher Diane Vaughn, the doubter may ask about marriage counseling. This may be a great idea (and hey, I'm a huge fan of marriage counseling!) but rarely do they come clean, at home or in the therapy office, that they aren’t sure about the future of their marriage. It's literally never brought into the counseling room. Why? Marital doubters are scared and not ready for a crisis, so the work in the therapy room may stagnate. If you’re not sure your spouse can change, and if you believe that without the change you have no energy for the marriage, it’s no wonder the couples therapy falls flat, fast! The average number of couples therapy sessions divorced people report having? Just four sessions. To state the obvious here, that’s not enough time to dig into issues and start to work on them. For these couples, often the excuses are that life gets busy, someone gets sick, someone feels on the spot in counseling. Basically, there is no real momentum to keep plugging away, particularly for the clueless spouse who thinks things are basically okay. Sometimes the other spouse makes the argument that marriage counseling is unnecessary or that the time and money are not there for it. Especially if they are not seeing any warning signs about divorce! The doubter, perhaps also not sure about where marriage counseling will work, withdraws the request to start or stay with the counseling--and then keeps simmering. Whether or not there is any attempt at couples therapy, some doubting spouses go into individual therapy. Sometimes it is a great experience, especially if the therapist helps them see their own part of the marital problems and offers ideas for self- change. Other times individual therapy becomes a “bitch session” every week, with no real personal growth and a terribly one sided view of the other spouse. (Some therapists are not good at seeing the perspective of the spouse who is not their client.) But I think that the majority of doubters do wish for personal growth and don’t want to just attack their spouse. When marital doubts linger long enough, people start to rehearse in their minds what they would do after a divorce. They imagine being single again, and they think about how to prepare for that possibility—just in case. This may mean starting a job, finding separate friends, or not making big commitments for the future, like upgrading the house. This creates more distance in the marriage, something they don’t want, but the doubter’s dilemma is that verbalizing doubts to the spouse can propel them into crisis mode. They don’t know how their spouse will respond—constructively, nastily, or with panic? Now you may have two people in doubt—and bringing their worst selves to the situation! But here’s the thing: the longer you prepare for the possibility of divorce without telling your spouse, the more blindsided they feel when you do tell them—and the more likely that your worst doubts are realized. You may be wondering, then, how does marital doubt end? In the three simplest “end game” scenarios of marital doubt, the following can happen: Doubt goes away, replaced by normal ups and downs of marriage but without the edge and anxiety about commitment and stability. You’re back in, with maybe just occasional flare ups of doubt. You may get there on your own, or with help. Doubt turns to crisis when it’s shared with the spouse prior to a decision to end the marriage. Sometimes the crisis leads to real change, with counseling help or on your own as a couple, and the doubt goes away. Other times it leads to divorce, but with enough time for the spouse to understand what’s going on and for both of you to try to save the marriage if possible. This shows the benefit of sharing doubts with the spouse before deciding to divorce—it gives them a chance to respond well and for reconciliation to occur—even though it’s scary because you don’t know how they will react. Doubt is not shared and turns into a sudden announcement of divorce--a kind of “Dear John” discussion: “I am leaving you. I have a lawyer and I suggest you get one.” This is, of course, the most heart wrenching for the other spouse and can lead to bitter divorces and troubled shared parenting later. However, it might be necessary if the other spouse is a threatening person who could do grave harm if told in advance. Marital doubt is way more common than most people realize. And there are ways to get past it and get clear about the future of your marriage. If you or someone you know is having marital doubts, there is hope for understanding what’s going on, gaining more clarity, and getting off of the roller coaster of emotions! Living with marital doubt does not have to be your normal. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She specializes in all things relationship. Relationship with self, others and children.

A couple of months ago in my research for helping those who struggle with Porn I came across this organization called Defend Young Minds. I wanted to take a minute and unpack what I found with this resource. So, lets start in the beginning. What is Defend Young Minds? On their website they report their vision to be: "We envision a world where caring adults empower young children with the information, skills and mindsets they need to defend themselves against pornography and reject all forms of sexual exploitation. In this way kids can grow up unburdened by addiction and objectification to enjoy healthy relationships and successful lives." And their mission to be: "We educate, encourage and equip parents, professionals and community leaders to defend young minds from the harms of pornography. We are devoted to developing excellent tools, including books, curriculum, articles, guides, courses and communities, to help raise empowered, resilient, screen-smart kids." Not a bad cause in a world that is engulfed with technology. Far too many times we at the practice run into kids that have got caught up or are caught up in the tentacles of pornography and both the parents and children/teens are at a loss. What's even crazier is when I try to educate parents on the topic early on and they still respond with, "Not my child" "That won't be something we have to worry about" "All they do is play on their devices they won't find that" But, what they are missing is that it does happen. We all need to be aware of the the power of the screen and as the website states "Defend Young Minds"! The Website: First Impressions The website is easy to navigate and understand. Immediately they offer you resources to come alongside your parenting journey and educate you on everything having to do with porn. They provide you with prevention information along with ways to help and heal. They work hard on surrounding you with all that you would need to protect your children from pornography. I also enjoy the wide array of information for the various age groups. They understand that this is not just a teenager problem but a kid problem. So many times when I do a deep dive into a individuals porn addiction history they share that their first exposure to porn was elementary age. The struggle is real for our children and technology makes it easily accessible to all ages. Email List: Great Resource I must have a million emails that flood my inbox daily but there's something about the simplicity and ease to read of their emails that keeps me coming back for more. In today's email it talked about burn out. Here's a sample so you can see the value. Hello Yvette, As we talk with parents from all over the world and from all walks of life, we hear a common theme: “Digital parenting is exhausting, and I’m feeling burned out.” And it’s no wonder! While technology has improved our lives in so many ways, it’s also added extra stress by piling on a host of extra responsibilities for parents who are already busy. Setting up, monitoring, and managing devices and screen time could be a part-time job in and of itself. Not to mention the host of extra topics that we need to discuss with our kids as a result. And for many, it feels like you’re figuring this out in isolation. Many of you have reported your kids saying, “I’m the only one in my class without a phone.” “All my friends are on Snapchat.” And while this is an exaggeration by some kids to bolster their case, for other kids this may be true. You may feel like you’re the only parent holding out. And even though it’s important to do what you think is best for your child regardless of what everyone else is doing, it helps to know this: You are not alone. There are millions of other parents across the world who see the harmful impacts of pornography, social media, and screens. As for the burn out–here are a few tips to help with that: Take care of yourself. When you’re feeling really burned out, make sure you’re taking time to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You’ll be able to better handle the challenges that come with parenting kids in this digital age if you’ve taken care of yourself. And I don’t mean trips without the kids or spa days. I’m talking about the basics–getting enough sleep, eating properly, and exercising. Talk to a spouse, partner or friend. Find someone who shares similar views on the topic with you–someone you can confide in and seek solutions with. Find a support group. (We’ve got one!) Whether in person or online, finding a group of parents who support one another through the difficulties of digital parenting can be an enormous help. We have a group like this on Facebook called Tackle the Tech Together. Please join us! Be patient with yourself. No one is getting this right 100% of the time. And the world we live in is completely different from the one we grew up in. A world where so many young people have phones and social media is a big social experiment. You’ll have to deal with the aftermath of that even if your own kids don’t have phones and social media. We are all doing the best we can to navigate this. You’re going to make mistakes. Give yourself a big helping of grace! Delay reacting. When something comes up that you need to address, take a minute before reacting. Or an hour. Or a day. Or more. While it’s good to address things as they come up, it will be much better to take some time, calm down, and think through what kind of conversation you want to have with your child before going into it. If your child is with you when you discover it, tell them you want to discuss it with them but that you’d like a little time to think about it first. Make time to UNPLUG. When we’re on screens a lot ourselves, it makes it harder to have the energy to deal with our own kids’ screen time. Find time to unplug–you’ll feel the difference! And consider having regular time set aside for your entire family to unplug. Please remember that we are here for you! You can reply to any of our emails or send us a message at hello@defendyoungminds.com when you have questions or just feel overwhelmed and need encouragement. Kindly, Kristen P.S. Sign up now for our upcoming FREE webinars in honor of Child Abuse Prevention Month. I’ll be talking with body safety expert Kimberly Perry about ways to empower kids to avoid online dangers. There are two dates to choose from. Register using the links below. PLUS live attendees will be entered into a giveaway! Can you see the simplicity in it. I love how they immediately relate with the exasperation of digitally parenting and then offer me some quick tips to implement immediately. Free Stuff: Grow & Learn As you navigate the website they offer both free and paid resources. Some of their most popular free resources include How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, 5 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Knew About Porn and Is My Child Ready for a Smartphone? I appreciate how they provide additional resources to truly come alongside parents and professionals in this digital age through pdf, books, guides and curriculum. Final Thoughts Digital parenting is a task that requires wisdom and intentionality. No longer as parents or professionals can we take the naive position on something that can so drastically change a child's life with consequences that have the potential to last a lifetime. Porn is no longer an adult thing. Children are being exposed to it at younger and younger ages and the struggle is real for children and teenagers and us as parents. I agree with Kristen's comment in her email that digital parenting is exhausting and we can not expect to have all the answers. We need resources like this to join our village of raising our kids in a world that seems to be making every turn more difficult and threatens the innocence of our youth. Head over to their website and be sure to check out this great resource. Want to learn more about Porn as an adult or alongside your teenager be sure to check out the Documentary: Brain, Heart World. Want to learn more about growing up in the digital age. Check out this award-winning film SCREENAGERS: GROWING UP IN THE DIGITAL AGE, that probes into the vulnerable corners of family life and depicts messy struggles over social media, video games and academics. This film offers solutions on how we can help our kids navigate the digital world. I watched it with my two teenage sons and we not only used it as an informational tool but also a conversation starter. I encourage you to do the same. Please leave a comment and share your experience of other great resources you have come across to assist you in this digital age. Looking to bring alongside a counselor onto your journey? We can help. Click here to get started today. Parent takeaway. Check out this Ted talk on why we need to talk to our kids about porn. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She has hand-picked each clinician based on their specialty. With a goal to build a team that is the top in our area.

Have you heard about The New Drug? What it is and how it affects our heart, mind and world? I first started this journey down the rabbit hole when unpacking the impact of porn use within a romantic relationship. I honestly didn't have the answer to how it either positively or negatively effected the relationship. While one partner swore it didn't have any impact, the other one with tear filled eyes and heart break shared how it made them feel and how they wanted it to stop. I wanted to learn more and also provide them with a greater understanding of porn and the role it plays in marriage, romantic relationships and within their own sexual identity and that's when I found the Documentary called Brain, Heart, World. I immediately sat my family down and we started watching the free documentary together. It was mind blowing to hear the facts presented within the first part of the 3 part documentary about porn's impacts on consumers, relationships and society. We were hooked! We wanted to learn more of how porn affects us and were shocked on how it impacts us, our relationships and society at such a deep level. With my thirst for new knowledge I continued unpacking this concept and came across the website Fight The New Drug. Fight the New Drug's mission is to: Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using only science, facts and personal accounts. A website with no hidden agenda (at least that I can see) just an organization trying to get research-based information out to individuals to learn, grow and make more informed choices on the use of porn. The Website: First Impressions The website is loaded with lots of information and free resources mainly through the form of articles and videos. It provides a tremendous amount of articles surrounding the topic of porn. They even go the distance to assist you in navigating the website with ease as they organize the information based on the individual, relationships and society. In addition to the articles they have videos covering a vast array of information including, links to the documentary and facts, overviews, real experiences, and so on. Just a wealth of information to support your journey of understanding and if you so decide to stop the use of pornography use for either yourself, your relationship or the social impact. Get involved: Change the Conversation In addition to providing a wealth of information in the form of articles, research and videos they also have ways that you can get involved both big and small. You can donate to the cause to help them continue to educate others and change the conversation about porn, purchase Fighter Gear and change the conversation wherever you go. You can book a presentation as a community event, host a screening, join the street team, follow on social media, and become a fighter. But if all of that seems a little overwhelming in the moment no worries start with baby steps of just changing the conversation about porn within your circles of influence. Learning On the Go: Podcast Want to learn more but life has you pulled in a million and one directions. No worries! The website provides a pod cast called Consider Before Consuming. Consider Before Consuming mission is to: Think about all of the things you consider every day to help keep yourself, your loved ones, and your community happy, healthy, and hopeful. Now consider this: There is an ever-growing body of research demonstrating significant negative impacts, for yourself and the ones you love, in the consumption of pornography. It can change the way you think, harm your ability to connect with other people, and can contribute to changing the world in negative ways. Join us every other week as we consider the harmful effects of pornography using science, facts, and personal accounts. But, we’re not just inviting you to consider the potential negative consequences of pornography but also the benefits to a life free of porn and its influence. Pretty good stuff I would say and you can stream from Apple podcasts and Spotify. Final Thoughts Porn affects more than we think and we give credit for. My research opened my eyes to the realities of porn and the effects it has on everything and I mean everything. Let's change the conversation surrounding porn. The struggle is real for both men and women alike. Knowledge is power. Lastly, a recent article title An Open Letter on Porn by The Gottman Institute highlights how pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony. It's a must read. Learn more Fight The New Drug. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She has hand-picked each clinician based on their specialty. With a goal to build a team that is the top in our area.

People seek counseling for many different reasons. Counseling may include individual, group, and/or family sessions. Counseling, however is very much a process! ​ Counseling (or therapy, psychotherapy) is the process of meeting with a therapist (or counselor) in order to reduce internal suffering which occurs in the form of problematic behaviors, beliefs, feelings and somatic responses (sensations in the body). In addition, ongoing psychotherapy is a useful means of self-growth and self-discovery. It is meant to help you build coping skills to be able to handle negative experiences and emotions. Together with a counselor, you will learn, grow, explore, unpack and understand yourself, your world your suffering and your experiences with new perspective, insight and clarity. Therapy can also help people to resolve barriers which interfere with positive qualities such as joy, compassion, peace, self-esteem, spiritual connection and love. Many people enjoy therapy and relish the journey of becoming more conscious about themselves, their inner world and their relationships. Therapy can also be an effective tool in overcoming the effects of trauma and abuse. Therapy isn't a scary place for crazy people...... It's a safe space for people who want to be their very best self. ~unknown You and your therapist will meet together weekly for 45-minute sessions. Therapy is best done with at least an 8-week commitment. We find that clients who cannot commit to at least 8 weekly sessions and meet less than weekly tend to have more difficulty in establishing a relationship with their therapist and often spend their sessions recapping the previous weeks instead of focusing on forward movement (but there are exceptions). Despite the 8 week recommendation the process and therapy is a unique process and is discussed during the intake and assessment phase. After 8 weekly sessions, you and your therapist can discuss the movement toward your treatment goals and whether reducing sessions to biweekly or terminating therapy is the next step as this a process that is very personalized to everyones unique situation. Intake & Assessment 1-3 Sessions During this initial sessions, you will meet with your therapist to define the counseling relationship, discuss the details of informed consent and begin the rapport building process. Your therapist will gather information about you and your biological, psychological, and social history and how this is impacting your current situation. You will also discuss the goals of therapy going forward together. This will additionally be a time in which we discover your potential areas of strength and improvement. During this time we will also narrow down treatment goals, defining what our time together will be. We will help you to create a personalized person centered plan tailored to your specific needs and what you would like to change. This time is all about gaining clarity about the process you are about to embark on by defining your WHY and creating a plan to move toward your aspirations and desires. Learn more about this concepts of finding your Why at https://simonsinek.com/find-your-why/. Treatment Together, in each subsequent session, your counselor will give space for you to be able to talk and work through the sitaution, problem, truama, grief or stressor that brought you to counseling. The counselor will use various strategies depending on their training that may involve DBT techniques, CBT, art therapy, Gottman Therapy and homework that promotes healthy communication, emotional expression, improved problem solving skills and much more. Therapists at Traveling Light focus on providing a safe and comfortable place for you to process and discuss your heart and mind. During our work together, you will learn skills to help you navigate the twist, turns and pitfalls in your life. Phasing Out In your final sessions, you and the therapist will review the treatment goals to ensure you are satisfied with your counseling experience and that the work with your therapist has met your expectations and needs. We will discuss the progress toward your goals and decide if we need to change them, ad new ones, do away with some or terminate counseling. This is the time you will hear the questions "Why are you still in therapy?" and "Why are you coming weekly?". Sessions will be staggared as we prepare for termination. This is a time to make sure that you are ready to start the next chapter of life with more independence and can effectively utilize the skills and tools learned in sessions. Termination: Final Session In your final session, you and the therapist will review the treatment goals to ensure you are satisfied with your counseling experience and that the work with your therapist has met your expectations and needs. A relapse prevention plan will be discussed in addition to ways to effectively implement all you have learned outside of session. What's my role as a client? Your main responsibilities are to attend your scheduled individual and/or group sessions with a commitment to learning about yourself, how you relate to others, and how you can make changes in your life to reach your desired goals. Giving thought to what you would like to gain from counseling is important in setting those goals (an early step in the process). While your counselor may assist you in formulating your goals and developing a plan for meeting them, you will benefit most from entering counseling with a commitment to actively making positive changes in your life. You may find it helpful to note cirucmstatnces, relationships, or events in your life that are troubling or create problems for you. Your counselor may ask you to consider the process by which these situations negatively affect you and may encourage you to try a new startegy or to experiment with different approaches to help you achieve the positive change you are seeking. For counseling to be most effective it is important that you are willing to challenge and stretch yourself to follow through on implementing the strategies and skills you are learning. Open communication is important to forming an effective partnership with your counselor. Let him/her know when problems are improving as well as when you don't feel like you are making the progress you desire. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She has hand-picked each clinician based on their specialty. With a goal to build a team that is the top in our area.

6 Questions to inquire of a potential counselor. What should I look for in a counselor? “FIT” is one of the biggest factors in whether counseling will be effective. Finding a great counselor can often be a monumental task and for good reason, as you are taking brave steps forward in your life to improve yourself, family or kids and inviting a perfect stranger to do that with. You should always talk with the counselor before you decide on who you, your family or your child/teen will work with. That is why I offer complimentary phone consultations. During that time, I will help you clarify your goals for yourself, family or kids and assess if you will be a good fit for my expertise. ​ The most important thing is that you are Comfortable with your counselor. ​ Here are a handful of questions that every counselor or therapist should be able to answer. I want you to feel comfortable, ask me as many questions as you would like: What type of license do you have? Not every counselor is trained the same and it's important to clarify in the beginning what you are looking for. Are you looking for talk therapy, testing or medication? Here are some common definitions that you will hear. Licensed Psychologist (PhD, PsyD) has training in psychology. They often provide testing. Psychiatrists are trained in the medical, psychological, and social components of mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders and utilize a broad range of treatment modalities, including diagnostic tests, prescribing medications, psychotherapy, and helping patients and their families cope with stress and crises. They often provide medication. Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) A psychotherapist (therapist, for short) is a person who has been professionally trained to help people deal with stress or other problems through the means of talk therapy, psychotherapy. Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, and school psychologists are the titles of some of the licensed professionals who work as therapists. What type of training and expertise do you have? Depending on the counselor their focus in therapy can be very different. You want to make sure that they have experience and at times especially with couples have specialized training working with your presenting concerns. What can I expect with coming to see you? This will give you an idea of what to expect. Some counselors have a clear plan, some make treatment plans to help measure goals, while others don’t. Their approach should be similar to what you are looking for and what works best for your growth goals and style of growth. What theoretical approach do you take? When you ask this question part of it is the actual theoretical approach. But the biggest part is can they brake down to you what they do in every day language. Let's say they say they do cognitive-behavioral therapy, that probably doesn’t mean much to you, so hopefully a counselor will explain that in everyday language and how it would play out in your particular situation. How many sessions do most clients attend? Counselors usually have an idea of how long clients attend therapy with them. Depending on what you are looking for, this can be an important question to ask and give you details on the personalization of the treatment process. But be prepared this is a hard question because time is directly connected to what your goals and desires of therapy are. It also depends the state in which you are entering therapy be it that of proactive or crisis. How is scheduling done and what are the hours? Therapist use different means of scheduling and you want to make sure you find one that's going to work with your lifestyle. Ease of online or paper and pencil? Hours are also very important as it will effect your your day to day activities, so you will need to find one that fits your schedule as therapy shouldn't bring more stress to your life's schedule. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She has hand-picked each clinician based on their specialty. With a goal to build a team that is the top in our area.

Welcome! To our series of blog posts in which I, Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW-QS have the pleasure of interviewing one of our therapist here at Traveling Light Counseling. In our series of couch interviews the therapist will be offering us a glimpse into their speciality by answering questions about topics relevant to their field and imparting a few tips, ideas, and suggestions on ways to travel lighter. As a disclaimer these interviews are by no means a substitution for therapy and if in need of more specialized, personalized and/or intense help please find a therapist that would best fit your situation. Here with me today is Jaimie Conway, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who works with children of all ages, that present or struggle with ASD, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and other mental and behavioral issues such as ADHD, ODD, depression and anxiety. Her style involves teaching you how to look at a situation or behavior and apply a variety of different skills to decrease sadness or nervousness and handle things/situations/people with confidence. She provides her services through various channels including individual and group counseling. She utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy as well as client centered to allow more than “a quick fix” but a long lasting change that allows clients to accomplish their goals on their own time. ​ So, today's interview revolves around how Jaimie shows up with children, teens and parents: Question: What is something that makes you a good children's counselor? Answer: My passion to help them feel heard, understood and letting them know they are not alone. I have found that there are a lot of children that feel like their parents don’t take them seriously or listen to them in a positive way. So, I love being that person that children, teens and college students can turn to in order to talk things through, gain perspective and find someone to confide in. I find children/teens and college students can absorb a lot of positive skills during these key development times, that they can apply into their adulthood to make the transition times less troublesome. Question: What play therapy techniques do you use, as I've been to a counselor that just plays games with my child and I'm not interested in that. Answer: I utilize play therapy as a way to allow children to open up more and engage in their feeling and emotions. I use “emotion UNO or bingo” to allow children to have a fun way to describe their emotions. I use the “emotion highway” as a way for children to explain what they are feeling at a specific time and how to respond during those times where they are feeling sad, mad, upset, or angry. I utilize games to take the pressure off of children because client centered and “talk therapy” is not always “fun” for a child. Question: How involved will parents be in their child's treatment and how will you keep them up-to-date on progress? Answer: I like to let my parents know what basic interventions were used after each session. Depending on the day, I will give them homework and let the parents know how to apply them at home and record their progress in between sessions. Question: What if my child is reluctant to start therapy how would you bond with my child? Answer: I take the time to build rapport and meet children where their comfort level is. I get to know the child regarding what they like and what they do not like and use the things that they do like to make therapy more fun and productive. What a great interview with Jaimie. I appreciate her taking the time and both explaining her style and passion in addition to answering my question's today, in order that parents can get a small sample of who she is and how she shows up with children/teens and young adults. Helping children find and use their voice is an element of what she does with children and an important one at that. Children are experiencing more difficulty with navigating the twists and turns of life and putting words to their world and emotions. They in turn act out in ways that confuse and frustrate parents. Helping children/teens make sense of their world and the emotions they are experiencing along with expressing themselves in healthy ways is one of the things that drives Jaimie in her work with children, teens and college students. If you feel like Jaimie will be a good travel companion for your child's journey. She offers a low cost 30-minute consultation.  During this time she will talk with you about your current stressors, you will get any important questions answered, get a better idea of who she is and how she can help your child, teen or college student. So, what are you waiting for? Schedule a time to speak to her at 772-361-8448 or simply book your consultation online now. Thanks Jaimie! Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area.

Welcome! To our series of blog post in which I, Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW-QS have the pleasure of interviewing one of our therapist here at Traveling Light Counseling. In our series of couch interviews the therapist will be offering us a glimpse into their speciality by answering questions about topics relevant to their field and imparting a few tips, ideas, and suggestions on ways to travel lighter. As a disclaimer these interviews are by no means a substitution for therapy and if in need of more specialized, personalized and/or intense help please find a therapist that would best fit your situation. Here with me today is Jaimie Conway, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who works with children of all ages, that present or struggle with ASD, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and other mental and behavioral issues such as ADHD, ODD, depression and anxiety. Her style involves teaching you how to look at a situation or behavior and apply a variety of different skills to decrease sadness or nervousness and handle things/situations/people with confidence. She provides her services through various channels including individual and group counseling. She utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy as well as client centered to allow more than “a quick fix” but a long lasting change that allows clients to accomplish their goals on their own time. ​ So, today's interview revolves around how Jaimie shows up with children, teens and college students: Question: What drew you to work with children, teens and young adults out of all populations? Answer: I love working with children because of my passion to help them feel heard, understood and letting them know they are not alone. I have found that there are a lot of children that feel like their parents don’t take them seriously or listen to them in a positive way. So, I love being that person that children, teens and college students can turn to in order to talk things through, gain perspective and find someone to confide in. I find children/teens and college students can absorb a lot of positive skills during these key development times, that they can apply into their adulthood to make the transition times less troublesome. Question: What is your role with college students? Answer: I assist college students in developing life and coping skills that they may not have learned growing up. I use life's experiences such as difficulty with academics and transitioning as opportunities to develop coping skills and other important skills that will propel them in life. Life skills are a huge part of growing up and “leaving the nest” and sometimes that can be scary. This is where I come in, with helping them navigate the most comfortable path. Question: How long do children/teens stay in therapy with you. Answer: There's no real easy answer with this as each child I see is a unique person with unique needs which makes it difficult to put a time frame to the process. Not to mention the child's presenting concern and several other factors effect time. However, children usually stay in therapy with me long term. I do not rush children out of therapy. I make sure they are ready and have developed the appropriate tools to apply to situations when I cannot be there. Once children are able to do that, I do a “transition” for them and lessen therapy to make sure they can navigate and respond to situations appropriately. Question: Do you offer Telehealth for children? Answer: I do offer Telehealth for children. My style involves creative interventions such as online games or papers that I am able to email to parents so we are able to do the activities together. I think that having an interactive session via Telehealth is important to keep the child engaged. Question: What if Telehealth isn't the right fit for my child? Answer: No worries. That happens from time to time for various reasons. If Telehealth isn’t the right fit for your child/teen, I am able to do in person visits at the office to allow for a better connection between client and counselor. What a great interview with Jaimie. I appreciate her taking the time and both explaining her process and answering my question's today, in order that parents can get a small sample of who she is and how she shows up with children/teens and young adults. She definitely has a passion for working with children and you can hear that as she speaks about her experiences of coming alongside children in the challenging journey of growing up in today's culture. Children growing up in today's culture is like none other. Being a kid has surely changed in the past 20 years as technology infiltrates our culture on a daily basis effecting their communication, interactions and mental health. Children's personal responsibilities have changed as well making it more difficult for them to transition into adulthood. In addition, the family dynamics has shifted resulting in less rituals of connection and more conflict and disconnection. Children today are hurting and are in need of a safe place and person to unpack the heaviness of the everyday and learn, practice and implement skills to propel them into a future in which they can be their best selves in their relationships, work environment, family life and the various roles they will take on as they journey through life. If you feel like Jaimie will be a good travel companion for your child's journey. She offers a low cost 30-minute consultation.  During this time she will talk with you about your current stressors, you will get any important questions answered, get a better idea of who she is and how she can help your child, teen or college student. So, what are you waiting for? Schedule a time to speak to her at 772-361-8448 or simply book your consultation online now. Thanks Jaimie! Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area.

Suicide is a Leading Cause of Death in the United States According to the National Institute of Mental Health According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports, in 2018: Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 48,000 people. Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54. There were more than two and a half times as many suicides (48,344) in the United States as there were homicides (18,830). Surviving suicide as a child. It happened, you're sitting in the funeral service and the speaker comments on the fact of how the person passed. Not a problem typically unless you're a suicide survivor and more importantly if your child is with you and no one has explained or discussed with them this concept of suicide let alone that someone they loved or knew has passed in that fashion. The questions will immediately flood their system as they begin to wrap the mind around what is suicide. The crazy thing is that death in and of itself is a hard concept to discuss and explain to a child then add the complexity of suicide and it's a recipe for awkward, complex, and uncomfortable conversations. Because of this lots of parents or loved ones will avoid the topic and conversation all together with their children thinking they are protecting and caring for them. But, in reality it does more harm than good as children will then create their own reality of the situation no matter how distorted it may be. What you can do: First, you must identify your own feelings with regards to everything, as naturally and understandably you will be concerned about how the recent suicide of a loved one will effect your children. You will question whether you should tell your children the truth about the death. And then once you make the decision to discuss it with them you wrestle with the words to put together in order to explain it all to them, especially when you yourself are trying to wrap your mind and heart around the death. Secondly, you must know that the developmental process (i.e. young children under age 6 have a difficult time understanding what death means) will effect your child's comprehension of death and dying and that children can only grieve at their own level of maturity. And like yourself each child is going to walk through the dance of grieving differently. Typical questions children have: What is suicide? Did I do something to make this happen? Is this my fault? Will I die by suicide too? Are you going to die too? Will I be left alone? If I die by suicide too, will I see the loved one again? What do I tell the kids at school? Will they think bad things about my family? Why am I so sad? Will I be this sad forever? When will I stop hurting? What can I do to start feeling better? How can I remember the loved one better? How can I make sure I never forget? Thirdly, create realistic expectations of yourself and your child. This season will require patience as your child will have a lot of questions. Keep your responses simple and honest. Guide the conversation based off their responses. Expect repetiotn as children may ask the same question over and over as they try to make sense of everything. Jack Jordan states it this way, "Children do mourn, but they will typically show their grief differently than adults." Fourthly, understanding suicide. Jordan wraps up the discussion of Epidemiology up nicely when he states "If these facts and figures are staggering to you and they should be you are not alone in your surprise. Suicide remains a tremendously stigmatized, under-reported, and poorly understood cause of death - yet these numbers make clear that it is a major public health problem in America. For more information about the epidemiology of suicide in the United States: www.afsp.org www.suicidology.org How to have the actual conversation with your child: Try to use the simplest language that you can, while also stating the truth. If you are religious, you can also offer an explanation that is compatible with your beliefs. Once explained, silently listen to their questions. Practice active listening, summarize and reflect back what you are hearing both words and feelings. Observe changes in your child's behavior. A word about guilt and magical thinking. Guilt is a tangled emotion that can keep us from healing, growing, having clarity and gaining perspective. When your child is plagued by the guilt monster help them by explaining to them the concept of magical thinking. Magical thinking is a term we counselors use that refer to the belief that, somehow, "magically" our thoughts or feelings can cause things to happen. Children experience this both with death and divorce as they pull an isolated event from their memory and then contribute that to what has happened or is happening. It also presents with the "if only" thoughts. Magical thinking can be a slippery slope and it's something that both children and adults do alike. So, what can you do? Talk with them. Get some clarity with regards to if they are feeling guilty about the death. Reassure them that it's not their fault no matter what and that everyone makes their own choices and are responsible for their own choices. While feeling guilty and wanting to make sense of what happened is normal your actions did not cause the suicide. Feel free to share your journey with guilt and how you are coping at this time as well. Lastly, continue to "check-in" with your child regularly to see how they are processing their guilt and any other feelings they may be struggling with in order to help them process and reorganize. The emergence of the "Why?" Question: The "Why?" question has to be one of the more difficult questions that people grapple with and have the potential of having one stuck in the cycle of grief. These questions may include: Why did this happen? Who is at fault? Why would someone do this? Could I have caused it or prevented it? Why did I respond the way that I did? Helping your child walk through the why questions will not only help with the present situation but also through other tough times in their lives. Ways to help them through this is by: remaining natural, patient, encourage an honest exchange of thoughts and feelings while permitting your child to feel the pain of the grief, listen, and avoid telling them what to feel or what they shouldn't feel. It's a concept of holding space a term I like to call sitting on the sidewalk. "The good news, the researchers say, is that though children in this group are at increased risk, most do not die by suicide, and non-genetic risk factors can be modified. And there may be a critical window for intervention in the aftermath of a parent’s suicide during which pediatricians could carefully monitor and refer children for psychiatric evaluation and, if needed, care. “Children are surprisingly resilient,” Wilcox says. “A loving, supporting environment and careful attention to any emerging psychiatric symptoms can offset even such major stressor as a parent’s suicide.” For more information about suicide and about Psychiatric disorders: The National Insutitue of Mental Health - www.nimh.nih.gov The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - www.afsp.org The American Association of Suicidology - www.suicidology.org The American Psychiatric Association - www.psych.org The American Psychological Association - www.apa.org The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention - http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/ Sources: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/children_who_lose_a_parent_to_suicide_more_likely_to_die_the_same_way https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/guides-and-publications/when-a-parent-dies-by-suicide Yvette E. McDonald therapist, writer, professor, and homeschooling mother. Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them achieve a new normal within all the chaos that threatens their sanity. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey and you are ready to make some changes or perhaps level up some areas in your life, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 to schedule an appointment.

Steps and resources to help you navigate the aspects of suicide. Additional online resources: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/promote-national-suicide-prevention-month/ https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org https://www.bethe1to.com/?_ga=2.220039449.1442344164.1568830017-659675992.1568830017 Resources for Parents: Recently, I came across several resources for parents who have or are struggling with a teenager who self harms or has spoken about dying by suicide and I wanted to pass it along. Finding yourself as a parent in any one of these situations can be frightening and confusing. Securing your child's safety is always the first course of action, quickly followed by finding a therapist for your child. Once those two things are completed the next course of action is education and understanding all their is to know in order to help your child/teen through this difficult season. Free trainings, book and additional resources: Alive to Thrive, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/alive-to-thrive/ Why Alive to Thrive? Adults who interact with children and teens are in a unique position to help prevent and respond effectively to youth suicide. Alive to Thrive’s preventive free training teaches these influential adults to proactively address issues that can lead to teen suicide. Additionally, the training discusses the spiritual aspects of suicide and offers Christian adults information that is clinically sound and grounded in the Bible. Article: Truth From the Bible for Cutters: When Feelings for Self-Harm are Strong Books: Inside a Cutter's Mind, by Jerusha Clark Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills for Helping You Manage Mood Swings, Control Angry Outbursts, and ... with Others (Instant Help Book for Teens) by Sheri Van Dijk MSW Stopping the Pain: A Workbook for Teens Who Cut and Self Injure, by Lawrence E. Shapiro PhD Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping individuals be the best version they can be, even in the storms of life. September is NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION MONTH. Join the movement is sharing ways that our communities can #bethe1 to help someone in crisis. It's ok to ask for help call 1.800.273.8255( 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (crisis text line)