Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW-QS
Why Freaking Out Doesn't Help
The reveal that your spouse wants a divorce can come in different ways but no matter how it finds its way to you there are some key things to focus on when trying to say your marriage.
I recognize it's easier said then done but there is truth to these 6 ways. In full transparency, I had the hardest time with the beginning of my marriage crisis. It's not that I intentionally wanted to freak out I just couldn't figure out how to get grounded in an experience that turned my life completely upside down. I felt like I was always treading water and at any moment I could loose strength and drown in a sea of emotions and thoughts.
Grounding yourself is key and the benefits it will provide both you and your marriage is life changing. I've walked countless individuals through a divorce reveal and helped them walk through the discomfort of the now, the pain of the emotions and the uncertainty of the future. It's not easy, going through a marriage crisis but there are mistakes we can make that make things worse.
You want to save your marriage. Got it. You'll never be able to do it from a state of panic and chaos. Slow down. Breath. Ground yourself. Connect with your people. Get the support your need and take it one day at a time.
Some resources for your journey.
The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis.
Take Back Your Marriage, Second Edition: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart by William Doherty
Remember there is no guarantee that fighting for your marriage will end the way you want. But, from personal experience it has offered me peace of mind that I did everything I could and I moved forward with no regrets. I also learned early on you can't divorce yourself and I needed to fix, work on and improve myself as I would be taking me into a new marriage. So, all of what I learned to save my marriage at the time assisted me in becoming a better version of myself then and into my new marriage. It wasn't for waste. It wasn't what I envisioned but it wasn't for waste and that has been both my experience and that of my clients.
Lastly, want to learn more how I can come alongside you and your marriage during this time of crisis learn more about what Discernment Counseling can offer your marraige and understand your role as the leaning in partner.
Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. She specializes in all things relationship. Relationship with self, others and children.