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I have mixed feelings about this divorce. 

My first advice is to slow down.  Don't be rushed.  This is too important ​to move faster than you are comfortable.

You are a perfect candidate for Discernment Counseling.


If you are not ready yet, maybe you feel you want to sort through thoughts and feelings before sharing with your spouse. I can be a gentle yet challenging guide to help you see things more clearly.

Our belief is there is always more that we are doing individually to impact our spouse than we realize. Discernment Counseling is designed to offer clarity and confidence around your role in what got you to this point in your marriage and a direction you’d like to take it.


There are three paths as the outcome of this 1-5 session work.


Path 1: do not pursue divorce nor couples therapy.

Path 2: pursue separation or divorce.

Path 3: full out, six-month effort at couples therapy with divorce off the table.

Reflection points: 

Ask yourself for the reasons for getting a divorce.  


Hard reasons for divorce: Abuse, Alcoholism, Untreated Mental Illness, Ongoing Infidelity.  Requires someone to take responsibility for changing their negative behavior.  Of course, no-one is responsible for somebody else's negative behavior.  You don't make your partner have an affair or drink too much.

If you do not feel safe emotionally or physically trying to reconcile would not be right for you at this time.  

Soft reasons for divorce: communications problems, lack of intimacy, different needs, growing apart.  Both partners are usually responsible for creating these problems.

There are resources for returning life to a lifeless but not destructive marriage.  



Whatever the reason for divorce it's important to ask yourself if you have come to terms with your own contributions for the breakdown of your marriage?  Research shows that people who leave their marriage without working on themselves often just repeat the same problems in their next one.  You can't divorce yourself.  You take yourself with you into a new marriage. 

No-one can tell you if this is a right choice for you. If you are on the fence on whether divorce is the right option, I encourage you to get help to see if there is a chance for your marriage to be restored to health.  There are resources for you. 

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