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How you parent with your ex can make a big difference in the life of your child in more ways than you can imagine? Is it easy? Not, all the time! Is it worth it? Yes, it is! Kids deserve to be brought up in a drama free life despite their parents choices to parent in one household or two. I’ve seen far too many kids sit in my office with a rollercoaster of emotions stemming for their parents inability to co-parent well. As adults we owe it our children to give them the most intentional upbringing we can in order that they can not just survive but thrieve through our adult choices. Philyaw and Thomas define 3 different types of co-parenting styles that can bring some clarity to your situation. As parents we have the power to create a positive climate for our child despite what the other parent chooses. Be intentional about your co-parenting, pick your battles and focus on raising a healthy, happy child that experiences love and safety. Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie, FL and easily assessable from both Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to helping parents successfully co-parent. Co-parenting can be both a rewarding and a positive experience. Having adequate support is crucial to having a successful co-parenting relationship as the transition into co-parenting can be difficult, draining, daunting and overwhelming. I offer co-parenting support, education and help to parents. Please do not hesitate to bring me onto your journey, I'd be honored.

I remember the first time my boys brought up their father‘s girlfriend, now wife, like it was yesterday. We were shopping at Publix when they saw a Florida Gators cup. A cup right. No big deal. But, that cup was the beginning of a new season/chapter in our life. A chapter that included another person. A person that was involved in my boys' life in big and little ways. This cup opened up the conversation regarding her, her love for the Florida Gators and her involvement in my boys' life. To be perfectly honest I didn’t know how to respond to them at that moment, I was defintly white roomed. I never imagined the boys having another mother figure in their life and I didn't know how to navigate this new chapter in our life. This senario isn’t far from the ones that come through my office on a regular basis. Moms trying to figure out their feelings surrounding the new wife or girlfriend. Their daughter calling someone else mom. Their daughter doing things with another women that mom wanted to do with them. They are figuring out how to do life with their kids and this new person. Sometimes no matter how many books one reads or friends they talk to, there's no preparing for such a moment. However, in my own situation I did quickly realize one thing. How I navigated through this new chapter of my life, both in my responses and interactions was going to have either a negative or positive effect on my boys. So, the five things I did and guide parents on in order to not get stuck in your feelings is: Listen to them. They just want to share. They are not asking for your opinion, thoughts, or feelings. They just want to share THEIR feelings, thoughts, experiences or ideas. A concept I call sitting on the sidewalk. Share in their life. Listen, invest and share in their experiences in the other household. Not from a place of judgement but from a place of investing in your child's life. By you inhibiting them about sharing what goes on in their life when with the other person you close off parts of their life to you, creating more distance and coldness then you can ever imagine. Recognize and accept their other family. Like it or not this person/people are part of their life and your child now has two families. Let go of the old and embrace the new, even though this new is unfamiliar and perhaps unwanted. Keep things comfortable. Mind your tone and body language, as you can make the situation quite intense and uncomfortable when the child is trying to share with you an experience or situation. Children can read you like a book. You may not use your words to express dissatisfaction but they can read it all over you with your body language. Separate your feelings about the other person and work them out in your alone time or with a therapist. Your kids don't have to be dragged into your adult feelings. Far to many times children of divorced parents speak about how their parents involve them in their adult situations, thoughts and/or feelings. Doing this will rob your child of their innocence and puts undue stress on them with long term negative effects. I recognize this is probably easier for me then most because I’m already conditioned to be a good listener and to listen without judgement because I’m a therapist.  But, I’m not a therapist to my kids and my life frazzles me just the same as yours. Hard is hard. And I got through it with intentionality and reminding myself it’s not about me and my feelings but about the boys.  What ever my feelings are I need to separate them and deal with them in my alone time. Unchecked feelings can snowball and become toxic, having negative effects on your children and yourself. I see this over and over again in my practice as children report feelings of: Heart ache. That their parents are at odds. That they can't share what happens at Dad's/Mom's with the other parent. Stress. As they are dragged in the middle of numerous adult situations and feelings. Confusion. On why all their parents can't get along and talk things out like they are taught to do. Sadness. That their family is at odds with each other and they wish they could fix it in order that everyone would just like each other. Hope: surprsingly they still carry out hope for a better tomorrow. Hoping that their parents will figure it out one day and things will get easier. You can't change your circumstances, but you can change your thoughts about them which will positively effect your feelings. We all experience new seasons/chapters of life from time to time, some positive and some negative; some wanted and some unwanted; some exciting and some draining. I love what Tracie Miles said about letting go of the old and embracing the new, "But regardless of the new that lies before us, how we choose to look at and think about those seasons of newness will determine whether or not we walk through them with peace, hope and joy, or with heartache, anxiety and fear". As you enter this new and unfamiliar chapter/season of life. Your feelings toward the situation, step-parent, biological parent, circumstances and stresses are real and I'm not trying to dismiss or take them away. Please understand that the concern comes from how we handle these feelings. Getting stuck in them is a dangerous place to be for both yourself and your loved ones. It brings undue stress, pain, and chaos. It takes time, energy, effort and for me it also took lots of prayer. But, it's worth it. Recognizing and understanding the bigger things at play makes it all worth it. Our kids don't have to be a casualty of divorce. We can help them thrive rather then just survive. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for divorced and blended families in Port Saint Lucie and Martin County. I'm passionate about helping children through the twists and turns of their parents divorce, helping them find peace, clarity, perspective and hope. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and you or your child is struggling in the transition of divorce, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Got to love insurance right?! Insurance can be both a blessing and a curse. I remember in the past when insurance was simpler, cheaper and easier to navigate. Whenever I saw a doctor or did anything medically I just paid my $10 co-pay and that was it. It was amazing! Fast forward 12 years and insurance has transformed into a big ball of complexity. There are things like Deductibles, Coinsurance, In and Out of Network Providers and Tele-therapy. Sad thing is that these complexities tend to turn people away from getting the much need help they need within the Mental Health world. And, understandably so! But, it doesn't have to be. Here are 5 brief definitions to untangle the complexities of insurance in order to help you move forward with counseling (just remember every insurance is different so please verify with your particular plan.) Deductibles: A deductible is the amount you pay for mental health services before your health insurance begins to pay. How it works: If your plan’s deductible is $3,000, you’ll pay 100 percent of eligible health care expenses until the bills total $3,000. After that, you share the cost with your plan by paying coinsurance. Some health insurance plans provide some benefits before you meet the deductible but it all depends on the plan. Coinsurance: Coinsurance is your payment of a therapy session. It's usually figured as a percentage of the amount you are charged for services. You start paying coinsurance after you've paid your plan's deductible. How it works: You’ve paid $3,000 in health care expenses and met your deductible. When you see your therapist, instead of paying all costs, you and your plan share the cost. For example, your plan pays 70 percent. The 30 percent you pay is your coinsurance. In-Network: In-network counselors have contracted with your insurance company to accept certain negotiated (i.e., discounted) rates. You will typically pay less with an in-network provider. How it works: You see your in-network counselor with a total charge of $110. A discount of $75 is applied to that amount and then you'll pay the remainder $35. Out-of-Network: An out-of-network provider is what Traveling Light Counseling is considered, as we are not contracted with any insurance companies. Depending on your health plan it will determine what reimbursement if any you will receive from your insurance. Some health plans, do not reimburse at all. Other health plans offer coverage for out-of-network providers, and your responsibility varies. I have clients that have seen me and have only paid $31.00 per 50-minute session and the insurance takes care of the rest. Other clients have to meet their deductible prior to the insurance kicking in and paying the full amount or a large percentage. It really all depends on your insurance carrier and your plan. Reasons for choosing an out-of-network provider may be necessary, just make sense or even advisable depending on the situation. Some scenarios in which you may want to choose an out-of-network provider are for specialized care, proximity issues, availability of good care and someone that you have a therapeutic alliance with. Tele-therapy: Tele-therapy allows a counselor at Traveling Light Counseling to give online therapy to a client from the comfort of their home. It is the same standards of service you would receive from in person therapy but via a secure HIPPA compliant video system. How it works: Clients just click a link to start—no logins, no passwords, no hassle. Have a session from anywhere, on any device. Co-Pay: A copay is a fixed amount you pay for a health care service, usually when you receive the service. The amount can vary by the type of service and the type of insurance plan you choose. How it works: Your plan determines what your copay is and if you have one for counseling services. You may have a copay before you’ve finished paying toward your deductible. You may also have a copay after you pay your deductible, and when you owe coinsurance. Don't let the complexities of insurance hold you back from getting the mental health treatment you, your family or your marriage needs. Your worth the extra steps needed to get services in place. Some of the benefits of Counseling include: Resolve trauma Lessen anxiety Gain greater self-confidence Impove your relationships Regain emotional balance Increase assertiveness Relieve stress Set healthy boundaries Get perspective and clarity The insurance world is everchanging.  If you do not want to use your health insurance and are limited in what you can afford, there are options that I would love to discuss with you either during our 15-minute phone consultation or in our initial session.  There are a variety of ways to think about the purpose and process of therapy as it is a unique journey for each individual/family. Please consider all the pros and cons as it pertains to you, your family and the current season of life that you’re in.  Only you can make the decision. Traveling Light Counseling is in the heart of Port Saint Lucie and easily assessable from Vero Beach and Martin County due to our close proximity to US1 and the Turnpike. I am committed to the process of helping you find hope and healing and I look forward to getting started with you at your first appointment. Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns you may have. We very much welcome and appreciate new clients into our practice, so we can help them achieve the goals that matter to them most.

It’s okay, to not always be okay! Coming to the end of self and/or your circumstances can be life changing and seen as a positive thing if you lean into it correctly.  You are probably thinking you have to be kidding me. There’s no way! I'm numb. Lost. I don’t even know what I should be feeling, though I know I should be feeling something.  Perhaps you can relate with this song by NF: And I’d say that’s okay, as It’s okay to not always be okay. Perhaps you have kept your feelings or thoughts hidden out of fear, shame, uncertainty, or a desire to try to keep it all together and power through it.  Perhaps you sit in the confusion of why am I feeling this way as I’ve never struggled with life like this before. I love how author Nicki Koziarz put it in her book Why Her?, “When life mistreats me and I’m not okay, I need to be more accepting rather than rejecting of these raw places.  Because when I try to move on too quickly, the breakdown almost always comes.” How true this statement is, if we really get honest with ourselves.  Life gets hard. It throws us curve balls and has us willingly or unwillingly waving the white flag.  The good thing is we need to remember it’s okay to not always feel okay. With life’s unpredictability we can find ourselves lost, confused, anxious, numb and even depressed.  These are the times we need to take an honest look at ourselves and seek help. You might be thinking, “No it’s okay.” "I’m good." "I’ll be able to get through this by myself." “I don’t need therapy?”  Just give me some ideas to work on my own. Okay you may be right and here's some things to try. Lean into it and find the lessons that life is presenting you in order to learn, grow and conquer. Relax and Catch your breath. Life can get hard so never forget to just breath and relax. Mindfulness is an excellent habit to cultivate. Do one positive thing for yourself daily. This can be anything. Drinking your favorite tea, going for a walk. The point isn't how big it's that you do something. Practice good self-care. Self care involves everything from morning meditation, prayer, healthy eating habits, a good nights rest and daily exercise. Begin a gratitude journal. There's nothing more powerful than cultivailting the daily habit of writing down 3 positive things. Recording what your grateful for boosts levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy. Find balance. Slow down and pace yourself. Determine your priorities and create a healthy balance in your life. But....what if applying the above mentioned isn't enough? How do you know when you’ve come to the end of yourself and need the professional help of a counselor that can help you through the difficult season you are currently in? Counseling has many benefits that can help you through the rough seasons and is a great way to strengthen your journey to a brighter and lighter tomorrow.  Sounds cliche, I know but there is truth in it. If we shift our perspective and see counseling as a positive experience like that of going to the gym to get stronger just on an emotional level we can take full advantage of the many benefits of counseling. Counseling can help you….. Get perspective & clarity.  There’s nothing better than someone helping you see things from a different angle or getting reassurance that your feelings are normal for the given situation. Get professional insight to help you move through the difficult seasons of life. Having a professional help you sort out what’s going on and give you their insight helps with gaining a greater understanding of the situation, your feelings or your thoughts. Unload/Off load.  Sometimes just being able to unload/offload everything that’s going on in your head and life is extremely therapeutic.  Clients frequently report back to me saying the very act of just getting it out and having a listening hear was beyond helpful. Create a stronger and better version of self.  Sitting with a counselor helps you to see yourself from a different viewpoint.  It allows you to see your weakness and strengths as they are and has you tap into your internal strength and resourcefulness that has been hidden for far to long. Bounce your ideas and thoughts off of a non-judgemental, knowledgeable, relatable professional. Identify blind spots.  Like a driving a car there are areas in our life one cannot see.  Having a professional point out and help you identify those spots are extremely beneficial to the process of change. Lots of people come to me not out of weakness but out of a place of great strength as they come to the end of self and/or their circumstances in search of a better and lighter tomorrow, a new way of doing things, a renewed headspace and a stronger tomorrow.  They often say they wish they would have came earlier in their journey instead of pushing it off or giving into the stigma of therapy. “Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”― Benjamin Franklin I'm passionate about helping people become "unstuck" in their unhelpful and/or unhealthy patterns of behavior. If you're in the Saint Lucie County Area and feeling "stuck" with feeling overwhelmed and/or any other debilitating symptoms of anxiety, please give me a call at 772-361-84408 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Ever find yourself sitting in a sea of questions and thoughts trying to figure out what counselor to pick and if you should pick a Christian counselor or not? The process of picking a counselor can already be overwhelming, not to mention adding the additional component of finding a Christian Counselor. You find yourself asking: What is Christian Counseling?  How will the therapist use it in therapy/counseling? Is he/she going to beat me over the head with the Bible? These and many more questions are brought to me when individuals, couples, parents or families are seeking “Christian Counseling”.  The expectations and understanding of the process begins to run wild within their thoughts and unrealistic expectations are created.  So what is Christian counseling and what should you expect in our time together? Theary Tribe describe it this way: “Christian counseling is a therapy focus area centering on intertwining the disciplines of faith and psychology to provide an approach to mental and emotional health that pulls from biblical teachings. Practitioners of this style of counseling incorporate religious scripture and teachings to guide you through challenging life issues. When facing turbulent life events, integrating and strengthening your faith may be the missing piece in finding proper treatment. A Christian counselor can help you to navigate life’s challenges in ways that respect your faith.” Who would benefit from Christian Counseling? When your life has gotten bigger that you can handle, cope with, or problem solve on your own When you have come to the end of self When you want to incorporate your faith into your healing work, problems, situations and journey. When your feeling disconnected from your faith because of your stressors & struggles What Christian Counseling with me IS NOT: Hitting you over the head with the Bible. A turn and burn style Judgement & condemnation Taking the role of pastor, elder, spiritual mentor or bible teacher What Christian Counseling with me IS: An approach to psychology through the lens of the Bible Prioritize the faith as an important part of the healing process “Soul Care” - Focusing on the care of the whole person: body, soul and spirit Maintain the values taught in the Bible Achieve a better understanding of self and grow into a deeper relationship with Yahweh Focused care toward your spiritual health with goals surrounding the ability to love and be loved, forgivness, community service, personal fulfillment, compassion, caring for others, experiening and spreading joy, self-care, reflection and servitude. Spiritual guidance The use of a broad range of materials and resources, including prayer, scripture, affirmation, and Bible teachings. Bring the Word into sessions and into our journey helping you find clarity and hope through Him.  There’s nothing like having a verse in passage come alongside your journey to give you hope, guidance and direction into your present circumstances.  That's one of my favorite ways of utilizing scripture. Christian resources.  The resources I provide/assign come through the channels of either articles, books, pobcasts and/or an online resource called RightNow Media. What is Rightnow Media? Rightnow Media is an online streaming video subscription service I give you instant access to as part of our time together in which you will find hundreds of video Bible and topical studies from the world’s best and brightest authors, pastors, and Bible study teachers.  Think of it like a Netflix or Hulu for Christians! Once you begin your work with me, I’ll send you an invitation to access the studies on any of your devices including, iPhone/iPad/iPod, Android, phones and tablets, Mac and Windows PCs and Apple TV.  With Rightnow Media, I use it as an online resource for personal growth in all areas of your life and as a means to create your own personal marriage retreats, enabling you to keep the expenses down and make it flexible around your schedule and budget while growing in your personal faith journey. Christian counseling is a therapeutic approach that can address many issues that may arise in your life, and in working with a faith-based therapist like me, you can heal while also turning towards your faith in a time of need. With the additional focus on your spiritual health and your personal relationship with God, those who practice Christian counseling believe that with therapy, your personal problems, mental concerns, and emotional instability can be replaced with increased self-worth and a sense of spiritual fulfillment. As Christians sometimes we expect life to be perfect and for everything to go smoothly for us. However, as part of a person’s spiritual journey,  you will inevitably experience challenges and hardships along the way. This is a universal experience; no one is immune to our genetic make-up, life’s difficult times, stresses or setbacks. When a person is in sync with their spiritual health, they are open to receiving guidance from their faith that allows them to handle the curve balls of life through the filter of their faith. As this verse states "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5,6 WEB). Come join me in incorporating God's love, grace, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, wisdom, guidance and mercy into the process of change. #christiancounseling #travelinglightcounseling Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for those wanting to incorporate their faith into their personal issues and experiences in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about helping you make choices and changes in your life that feel aligned with God's Word in order to begin and maintain deeper and more authentic relationships and life.  If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

You're not positive when it happened but all of a sudden you don’t recognize the person sleeping next to you or perhaps you don’t remember the last time your spouse even slept next to you.  It’s frustrating and heartbreaking to think that this is what your marriage has become. You ask yourself is this what it’s supposed to be now, living in a loveless marriage? What happened to the fun, the happiness we experienced in the beginning of our marriage or for that matter when we were dating?  This can’t be my marriage. This must be a bad dream that I’m going to wake up from at any moment. All of these situations are difficult to sit in.  Marriage when first envisioned was to be that of a unbreakable partnership and a lifelong love in which you grow old together and make memories that last a lifetime.  A relationship free of lies and secrets, and a friendship like none other.  However, the vision and reality don't always match up for all. Everyone wants the dreamy marriage but all to often couples don’t know how to create, maintain and grow their marriage.  I both understand and can relate with these visions of marriage, as they were all the visions I had for my first marriage and when that all came to an end I was left in disbelief, bewilderment and surrounded by the broken pieces of my heart. However, I found the lessons out of the sitation, feelings, pain and difficulties which birthed a passion in me to work with and help couples through the hopelessness, pits and valley’s of their marriage in order to have a different ending then mine. So what will our time look like together?  Most recently I completed the Gottman Level 1 Training an emotion-focused, and highly effective couples approach based on Dr. John Gottman’s 40 years of compelling research.  With the expectation to: Give couples a report with personalized results of their relationship Help couples learn to manage conflict, Deepen friendship and intimacy, Share their life purpose and dreams. Gain new insights into their relationship Practical interventions In addition we will: Explore and clarify roles Create rituals of connection on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis Explore, create and establish health marital boundaries and guardrails Discover each other’s love and apology language Create realistic expectations surrounding routines, roles, parenting and marriage Explore, learn and practice healthy communication Identify and breakfree of unhealthy relationship patterns Discover and implement the healthy dance of submission Build on relationship strengths and improve areas of weakness Enhance your love maps Nature your fondness and admiration See your partner as a friend, not an enemy Enhance Trust Deeper understanding of self and spouse Learn how to communicate needs openly and clearly Process and work through unresolved issues For those desiring Christian Counseling we will do everything above but intertwine the disciplines of faith that pulls from biblical teaching.  Including elements such as: Prayer Use of scripture be it either read or referenced Assigned Bible Studies, reading and retreats (I offer Right Now Media an Online Bible Study resource) Explanation on how to integrate Christian truths and values into the marital relationship For those that are in a Blended Marriage/Remarriage everything will be filtered through the complexities and uniquenesses that come from that situation covering topics such as: Creating a remarriage that will last Exploring the key qualities of happy remarriages Exploring issues of communication, sexuality, and spiritually (if your coming for Christian Counseling) as it pertains to a remarriage Children and parenting: Step Children, The ‘Us’ child Successfully navigating thru the co-parenting relationship Remarriage finances: Yours, Mine, Ours Still uncertain if marriage counseling is right for you?  What’s still holding you back?  Pride? Shame? Finances? Time? Faith in the process? No worries it took me a hot second to start marriage counseling.  But, if I could do it all over again I wouldn’t have waited till the end of the marraige to seek help, because honestly it was more like divorce counseling than marriage counseling. Despite my experience marriage counseling is an amazing resource and I’m not just saying that because I’m a marraige counselor.  Marriage counseling can help you create a strong foundation that can go the distance. I love working with couples in all different stages of marraige but I’m extremely passionate in working with clients before the going gets horrible.  Every couple struggles and seeking counseling sooner than later is the best gift and investment you can give your marriage. Learning early on how to handle the bumps and turns that come with marriage in healthy ways avoids the distance and coldness that create a roomate climate. So, if any of these early warning signs apply to your situation. Let's schedule an appointment right away. Inability to resolve conflict in a healthy way. Depression. Lack of communication. Lack of sex drive. The needs of the other not being met (sex, communication, connection). Inability to compromise. Breakdown in communication. Confusion about the roles of each spouse in the marriage. Pornography. Deceit. Disagreement about parenting styles. Addictions. Dramatic change in interactional patterns. Your marriage doesn’t have to end. There is hope! You might be thinking well yours ended. Yes, you're right as many of my couples have asked me that and I explain in session it takes two to work on a relationship. So in our time together we will unpack, explore and create an intimate partnership for the journey of life that is more than just great sex, but makes you feel known, connecting to your own heart and that of your spouses. #marriagecounseling #travelinglightcounseling Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples helping them create an intimate partnership for the journey of life in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about couples create a strong friendship. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and married life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

It wasn’t until I was coming off of a handful of busy weeks that I realized I had no structure for my Sundays.  What’s the big deal you ask? "It always seems impossible until it's done." ~ Unknown Well, I dismissed it at first as well thinking why even think about this. But, then I sat in it longer thinking we have a set regiment for everything else in life why not create a sacred space in time where we intentionally catch our breath and center ourselves?  I know some do this on a daily basis and that’s definitely a great habit to do however even with the daily habit of it, I feel the soul cries for a different reflection and centering on Sundays. So does that look like you ask? CREATE THE SCENE.  Find a place where your mind and body can relax.  Your front porch. Your favorite place in the house (though outdoors would be best and favored over any indoor locations).  The beach-everyone knows that’s my favorite spot. A park….perhaps a nature preserve. HAVE A PLAN.  I know the whole idea is to relax, catch your breath and center yourself, but there needs to be some template to go off of.  Deciding somewhat of a structure of what the day will hold and how it will play out will enable you to incorporate all the necessary pieces your heart so desires. JOURNAL.  Journaling is one of my favorite activities.  The insight, perspective and clarity journaling provides I have found to be unmatched.  It’s the one place where you can be yourself with no judgement letting everything out to be your truest self.  Some things to journal on during your Sunday routine can include: What is the happiest event that happened this week? How have you loved well this week? How were you present this week? What were you 3 wins for the week? What was the biggest lesson you learned this week? What are 5 things you are grateful for? What makes you amazing this week? UNPLUG.  No Electronics on Sunday. No Facebook on Sundays.  No work or business related tasks on Sundays. Your brain works overtime all through the week and it needs to power down and reset.  On the ‘Becoming Minimalist’ blog author Joshua Becker talks about ‘7 Important Reasons to Unplug and Find Space’ reported: Powering-down helps remove unhealthy feelings of jealousy, envy, and loneliness. Powering-down combats the fear of missing out. Solitude is harder to find in an always-connected world. Life, at its best, is happening right in front of you. Powering-down promotes creation over consumption. Addiction can only be understood when the object is taken away. Life is still about flesh, blood, and eye contact. CREATE TIME TO CONNECT.  Connecting with the ones you love is invaluable.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow so making the time count today, minute by minute is vital.   Be creative! As a family: Have family members be assigned to picking an activity. Explore a new place together. Go on an outdoor adventure. Have a family game night & dinner with grandparents. Go for a bike ride. Have a picnic. Cuddle time reading a book together. As a couple: Create rituals of connection. I love the Gottman Institute's recommendation https://www.gottman.com/blog/state-of-the-union-meeting-will-strengthen-your-relationship-heres-how-to-start-yours/ of: The Weekly one hour “State of the Union” conversation. The structure of this meeting is: (1) Begin by talking about what has gone right this week in the relationship, (2) Give one another 5 appreciations each that you haven’t uttered yet this week (see the Expressing Appreciations Card Deck, or app), (3) If a problem exists use the Gottman-Rapoport Intervention to discuss the problem, or if a regrettable incident occurred, use the Aftermath of a Fight to process it, and, (4) End the meeting by asking one another the question, “What can I do next week to make you feel loved?” As a single person: Visit with loved ones. Explore with your four legged companion. Visit new places. Spend time with nieces, nephews or cousins. I know before I had kids I poured into my cousins and spent time with them, took them on adventures and taught them new skills...I think I taught all my little cousins to swim. READ.  Books are knowledge at your fingertips.  Using Sunday to either catch up on reading, takes notes of what you’ve read during the week, reflect on what you’ve read or just have a Sunday read is beneficial.  There’s nothing like a good cup of tea/coffee and a book on a Sunday afternoon. Today’s day in age requires us to set up boundaries around everything in order that we don’t lose ourselves or lose site of the many blessings that surround us.  How are you going to create your Sunday routine in order to center yourself and create a brighter tomorrow? For me how I walk through my Sunday sets the tone for the rest of the week. #intentionalityrules #catchyourbreath #sacredtime References: Becker, J. 7 Important Reasons to Unplug and Find Space [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.becomingminimalist.com/unplug-please/ Hi, I'm Yvette E. McDonald the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for couples, individuals and parents helping them discover the person they were always meant to be as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about helping people write a new chapter in their journey of life. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Maybe you haven’t taken much time in life to think about who you are. Or perhaps you have come to the end of self or the end of a situation and life has forced you to ask these questions: Who am I and what do I want the rest of my life to be and look like? As you look at the choices you’ve made you wrestle with your thoughts and feelings, questioning who you are or how can you do life differently. Perhaps you find yourself: Not being the spouse or parent you want to be In a marriage or relationship that feels dead or impossible Still single In and out of relationships and can't figure how to settle down Stuck in a pattern of destruction Seeing the world in black and white Lost and hopeless Exasperated Overwhelmed At the end of self At the end of circumstances At the end of relationship Feeling less than Wanting to do life differently See yourself differently Conquer challenges more effectively Not live life in fast forward missing the important things in life When I sat in my sea of questions over ten years ago, I was in the hardest part of my marriage and life for that matter. I didn't realize how long I had been living in my tiles, that I didn’t know how to move forward or who I was. I didn’t know how to create the life that I wanted but I knew I didn’t want the life that I had. I began to question everything around me, my relationships and I also questioned my knowledge of relationships.   I questioned my purpose. I questioned what happiness and love was and if I would ever experience either of them. Crazy thing is that coming to the end of myself and to the end of my circumstances was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. It forged the person I am today.  It allowed me an opportunity to create new exciting chapters in my book of life. It had me look at life differently. Experience life differently. It put this lens of intentionality on my vision and changed the way I processed life.  These are the things I help people work through and towards during our time together. The process is shorter/longer for some than others, as the journey to self is unique for everybody but it’s a journey full of: Adventure. New beginnings. Surprises. Challenges. Growth both wanted and unwanted. In addition I specialize in helping individuals: Manage and overcome Anxiety Manage and overcome Depression Work through Feelings of Overwhelm and/or Panic Learn, grow and manage Intense Emotions Increase Self confidence and Self-esteem Increase Self-awareness and Self-Love Adjust and change your Perspective Change and Manage your Thoughts Make Intentional Choices Improve Relationship Patterns Transformation of your Mindset Create Healthy Lifestyle Choices So at the end of it all I help you be the best version of self and see yourself through a different set of lenses. I love this poem that clearly states it. A sign handcrafted by House of Belonging reads: You be you. Darling, That one thing that you have but nobody else has is you. Your voice. Your story. Your vision. Your heart. Your soul. So laugh and sing. Dance and play. Write and draw. Create and build. Love and shine. Stay true to yourself. Embrace your inner beauty and remember to live life AS ONLY YOU CAN. All this working together is wrapped up in a down to earth, quirky counselor that's passionate about helping you unpack the past and present in order to live a life as only you can, in the best version of self.  Because you are the only you there is and that’s a beautiful fact! Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals helping them discover the person they were always meant to be as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about helping individuals write a new chapter in their journey of life. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

When you feel like giving up and don’t think there’s hope for a better and brighter tomorrow. I frequently get asked “How did you pick up the pieces of your life when it all fell apart?"  In addition to “How did you start over?” In order to answer that question let me take you back 10 years and give you some background when everything was falling apart or at least that’s how I was experiencing it when my marriage abruptly ended and life as I knew it and planned it to be was no more.  In the midst of all the confusion, pain and just a mix of emotions and thoughts, a wise woman told me I needed to make a choice and she laid out 2 options for me. Option 1: I can choose to put my head in the sand and pretend like everything was just all a bad dream and it wasn’t happening, but at some point I’d have to face the music and take a breath and at that point life may be more complex and bigger than I’d ever imagined. Option 2: Or I could take the road less traveled the road marked with difficulty and hardwork. I chose the latter of the two and from there started my journey of growth, healing, and a new beginning. And life has never been the same.  When I look in the mirror now the reflection is different, but I love that! As I’ve come to fall in love with myself and the life I live. Life is exactly how it is supposed to be and turning out the way it should: Crazy-Beautiful. Adventurous. Perfectly Imperfect.  Challenging. Changing. And these are some of the steps I took as I began to write my new chapter in life. Journaling.  Oh, did I journal.  Journaling was my safe place to let it all hang out.  I didn’t have to sensor, explain, or excuse any of my thoughts and feelings.  I could just let it all hang out in order to purge myself of all the toxicity and pain.  I liken it to throwing up but in an emotional sense. Everyday I threw up my thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes I processed what I was feeling and thinking and other times it was therapeutic in and of itself to just get it out. Reading. I fell in love with books and reading.  Books allowed me to find understanding, courage, strength, support and comfort in my situation as I read of others that went through difficult things and overcame victoriously. Books reassured me I was not alone and that I can get through this.  Some of the books that started the journey were A Jewel In His Crown by Priscilla Shirer and Stronger by Jim Daly. Memory Maker. I created new traditions with a passion to create lasting memories with the ones I love. Determining to not live a life with regret and missed opportunities.  And, oh the memories we created. We began a chapter in our life filled with adventure (both scary and fun) and discovery, I'll have to tell you about our 24 mile, 3-day primitive canoeing/camping trip with a 6 and 5 year old and little 14 pound dog.  We also ventured into mountain bike trail riding, exploring Florida springs and canoeing. It has never been a dull moment since having started this chapter, with new memories being created each year. Mindset shift.  With everything that happened and that was happening I processed life changed.  I started to both see and experience life as a gift that one that had me and still has me saying "I don't have to, I get to". This perspective changed everything and changed me down to my very core as it had me experience my boys, my life, my family and my clients in a transformative way that had me counting blessings in the smallest of things.  I also started to see life as a treausre hunt. A treasure hunt of lessons and that behind each trail or difficulty was a lesson I was to grow and learn from (my clients laugh with me about this now, as I help them unpack situations the same way. They will often start explaining a senario with, "I know there's a lesson to learn Mrs. Yvette"). Music. Oh, how I loved and continue to love music! I'm definitly an emotional listener as I find music that speaks to my emotion in the moment. I also listen and create playlist that speaks to my soul in the form of worship music. I created the most amazing playlists as I was always keeping my ears open to new songs that put an unexplainable balm on my pain.  We (my boys and I) would blast the music and just lose ourselves to it. Dancing. Singing. And just finding peace, refuge, escape in and from the storm. Wall of Encouragement.  I wish I would have taken a picture of my bathroom wall then.  It’s one of those 'If I knew now moments'. But, what I did was created a mural of uplifting and inspirational quotes and verses that spoke to me, lifted me up, gave me breathe and strengthened me to fight another day at the same time calming me.  It was both amazing and life giving surrounding myself in love and encouragement every time I went to the bathroom. Faith.  For me my faith was pivotal in my healing.  I know for some that is not the case and no judgment here if it is or is not part of your healing story, but for me it was a non negotiable.  In order to experience true and lasting love and not get lost in the chaos of life I had a regular time sitting at Yahweh's feet before starting my day and on the really bad days I would do study twice. This time alone with him allowed me to take my head knowledge of who He was and have a heart knowledge. I came into a deeper, unexplainable relationship with Him like I never had before. Our time together allowed me to offload the pain of the day and renew my strength in order to take on another day with strength, courage and perservence. In addition to my daily times with him I did women studies from a local church and also found an online bible study from Proverbs 31 ministries (which I continue to participate to this day). Life has never been the same and honestly fast forward to now I’m glad it’s not! The life I experience now is richer, more intentional, more exciting, more life-giving and more blessed. I'm a better and wiser person, a better and wiser mom, a better and wiser daughter, a better and wiser wife (I got remarried to an amazing husband) and better and wiser counselor because of it all.  Your journey may not be the same as mine. Your end of me moment or end of me circumstances may be different then mine and that’s okay.  We all come to the end of self differently and journey through the process of change uniquely as it’s a state of becoming and doing little steps that keep us going in the direction of imperfect progress.  Don’t look at my story and think it just somehow ended up great, it wasn’t unicorns and gumdrops. There was a process to get where I’m at. Things I had to identify, learn and grow through along the way.  Hard work that had to be done. But having gotten to this part of my life was worth it all as I continue to grow and transform into the best version of myself daily and fall more in love with life, myself and my God. But this experience isn't unique to me, as I have enjoyed my travels alongside others as they’ve experienced a renewing of self and of life. And if your ready for the adventure as well I'd love to come alongside you! We are a work in progress! I am still a work in progress, as I feel that change is constant.  I know that I have quite the adventure to continue to live as do you and it’s more than either of us could imagine.  Believe the best days are yet to come and that the sun will always rise in the morning, giving birth to a better and brighter tomorrow and a chance to do and experience life differently. #newbeginings #travelinglightcouseling Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals helping them discover the person they were always meant to be as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. I'm passionate about helping individuals write a new chapter in their journey of life. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this point in your journey, please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

These ideas will help improve the communication between your ex even if you are the only one implementing them. “Yvette, Help!  Ex-troubles! Communicating with my ex is a nightmare and down right draining!  How do I successfully navigate through the day to day communication with them and not lose my mind?” Ever scratch your head while trying to parent with your ex, thinking of it like a prison sentence that you just have to survive till the children are 18?  Well you are not alone. Many divorced parents feel this along with several other thoughts and feelings. Communicating with your ex can be difficult for some, but there’s hope.  I won’t sugar coat it in saying that the process will be easy and that it will magically happen overnight, as it will take time, energy, a change in negative patterns and a shift in perspective with regards to your why behind it.  You may be thinking I know, I know it’s for the kids. But, let me challenge you a little more. Do you really understand what the consequences of a conflictual communication style are on the children? I don’t want to spend much time having you thinking about it but I will say identifying your why’s early on in the game keeps you focused, actions aligned and prayers on point.  Here are some communication pointers to aid in the transitioning process from conflictual to parallel parenting in the area of communication. Have a plan for communication. There's nothing worse then sorting through numerous emails and texts. Create monthly meetings in order to cover the big topics and get on the same parenting page.  Creating monthly meetings helps to filter out the needless everyday or every week talking be it through text or emailing, as it allows you to keep the big stuff for the meetings which has a double purpose of allowing you to process your thoughts re: a situation, respond rather than react and successfully problem-solve. Set up systems. Systems allow for things such as, children’s events, performances, doctor visits, talks, and documents to be all in one place and everyone to have equal access to it.  A system could be a shared google calendar and shared google files such as google documents for keeping track of medical expenses. Family wizard is another option for staying on the same page and making communication less complicated.  If you homeschool there’s Planbook which allows you to communicate school related assignments, grades and school activities. Say no to the extras (At least for the time being). Meaning keep to the schedule and don’t make special arrangements for things or situations.  It takes cooperation and compromise to make schedule changes, something at this level of co-parenting everyone is not ready for. Separate your emotions. Name it, own it and work through your feelings.  Getting stuck in your feelings is not helpful for anyone.  It inhibits your ability to process the situation with a clear head and not having clear thinking can have you reacting to situations more times than not when the goal needs to be responding. Create clear boundaries. Boundaries helps you define where you begin and the other person ends.  The purpose of setting healthy boundaries is to protect and take good care of yourself.  So, as it pertains to communication between each other here are some boundaries to implement when communicating via, text or email. Set up out of bounds time for texting or receiving phone calls outside of emergencies. Emails and texting should be no more than once a week and then a small discussion at drop off or pick up as to bring the other parent up to speed with the week’s events. Be sensitive to the tone of your voice.  Do not sound overly anxious, aggressive or pushy. THINK through exactly what you plan to say and discuss BEFORE you place a call, a text or email. Jot down the items you want to discuss and questions you want answered.  Plan your message to be as direct and specific as possible, asking the person to respond to specific alternatives or questions. Pause. Purpose today to pause a little before you answer someone or before you make a statement. Use five brief seconds to shoot up a flash prayer to God asking for the right words to say. Choose well. I’m sure you have heard the saying Better over Bitter or Insight over Offense. When you are engaging with your ex one powerful tool you can utilize comes from leaning into choosing well.  Pausing and getting insight helps us get perspective on the situation. It causes us to take step back from the situation and to exercise “patience” and see if there is anything we are missing in our assumptions.  Patience also allows you to give others the benefit of the doubt and to believe the best before you assume the worst. If someone does something that angers you and you feel justified in lashing out, speak kindly and gently to them instead. Explore the concept of grace in your interactions and see how it invites peace into your interactions.   Don’t be upset if your text doesn’t get an immediate response—you can’t know for sure when the recipient will read the message, not to mention giving them time to process.  Limits are good but make sure they are realistic. Identify your “for me and my house” statements and values. Everyone runs their house differently and different doesn’t mean bad, so pick you battles wisely.  Each family will have a different way of doing things. Does it mean that you forgo being on the same page with your ex?  No, that’s not what I’m speaking to. What I’m speaking to is the little things, for example with my ex the kids are allowed to watch tv and eat dinner while at my house that’s a big no, no.  Agree on the big things like discipline, education and moral upbringing and it’s okay to be different on the little things. See situations as lessons. Co-parenting can be frustrating for some, as your ex will do things differently than you.  However, when you shift your mindset and think of situations as lessons it can be a positive learning and growth experience.  What do I mean by lessons? For example in my own life there was a time that my ex would put on what I deemed as inappropriate music when he drove with the boys.  The boys complained as well to me about what he was listening to and how they wanted him to change the music. I could have easily confronted him about it all but instead I choose to pick my battles and see this as an opportunity to teach a bigger life lesson to the boys. I processed with them the situation, their thoughts and feelings about being with someone that their choices be it music, language or going somewhere goes against their value system and they are not comfortable with it.  I strengthened the boys on how to navigate both through peer pressure and adversity setting them up for other situations that I would have less control over and that they would need the tools to work through. It was an awesome lesson and they grew from it. Create realistic expectations. No quicker way to disrupt and bring conflict into a relationship then through unrealistic expectations of what the other parent should or should not be doing.  Understanding the relationship you are in with your ex is key. As you are not friends or romantic partners, but parents and by parents you are not parenting the other parent, a habit far to many parents get trapped in. Parenting with your ex can be complicated, tricky and draining.  First off parenting in and of itself is a difficult and long adventure and now having to do it with an ex and a step (if there is one involved) can make it for an even bigger adventure.  If not done with intentionality it will not only negatively impact you but also your marriage relationship and most importantly your children. The upside is co-parenting doesn’t have to be this messy.  Sure you will have your difficult parts but that would have happened married or not cause you are both individuals. I have successfully worked with and experienced the levels of parenting with an ex, navigating from conflictual to parallel to co-parenting and you can too.  Intentionality goes a long way and it is so worth the effort when you consider what’s at stake…...your children. “Never speak from a place of hate, jealousy, anger, or insecurity.  Evaluate your words before you let them leave your lips. Sometimes it’s best to be quiet.” ~ Tony A. Jaskins Jr. Some good resources I have found helpful along my journey of co-parenting is “Keep it Shut” by Karen Ehman and "Let It Go" by Karen Ehman. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for divorced and blended families in Port Saint Lucie and Martin County. I'm passionate about helping blended families, parents and step parents become "drama free" in their co-parenting journey. If you're in the Saint Lucie or Martin County Area and co-parenting feels "chaotic", please give me a call at 772-361-8448 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

Smart Stepfamily Group Date: Thursdays Time: 7:00 – 8:15 PM Group Leader:  Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW Price: ONLY $520 for 8 week session Traveling Light Counseling is excited to start working with stepfamilies! Call 772-361-8448 ext 1 to inquire today! INQUIRE TODAY!

Summer Group Date: Tuesday, June 5th Location: Traveling Light Counseling, 1222 SE Port Saint Lucie Blvd, Port Saint Lucie FL 34952 Time: 5:30 – 6:30 PM Group Leader:  Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW Price: ONLY $50 per week/ per child *must pre-register Ages: 7-13 Traveling Light Counseling is excited to start our Summer Social Skills Group for school aged children (7-13). Call 772-361-8448 ext 1 to register today! REGISTER YOUR CHILD TODAY!