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  • Writer's pictureYvette E. McDonald, LCSW-QS

Empowerment Through Expression: Defending Your Position Without Victimizing Yourself

In the intricate dance of interpersonal dynamics, defending your position can be a delicate balance.

It's crucial to assert yourself without falling into the trap of victimization. So how do we do that? Because to many times in the therapy room I see one person trying to explain their position and the other person quickly retorts with "stop victimizing yourself". Are they really victimizing their self or are the merely trying to assert themselves?

Let's explore effective strategies to express your thoughts and defend your position confidently, fostering empowerment rather than victimhood.

Own Your Narrative:

Take control of your narrative by clearly articulating your thoughts and feelings. Avoid framing your experiences solely through the lens of victimhood. Instead, emphasize your perspective, experiences, and the reasons behind your position.

Use "I" Statements:

Frame your communication using "I" statements to express your feelings, thoughts, and needs. This approach fosters ownership of your emotions and avoids projecting blame onto others, creating a more constructive dialogue.

Focus on Assertiveness, Not Aggressiveness:

Defending your position doesn't require aggression. Instead, cultivate assertiveness—a healthy expression of your needs and boundaries. Maintain a calm demeanor and strive for open communication, emphasizing understanding rather than confrontation.

Provide Concrete Examples:

Support your position with concrete examples or evidence. This not only strengthens your argument but also offers clarity to those involved. Specific examples lend weight to your perspective and help others better understand your position.

Express Emotions Responsibly (probably the hardest one to do):

Emotions are valid, but it's essential to express them responsibly. Avoid using emotions as a weapon or a shield. Acknowledge your feelings while maintaining a level of emotional intelligence that facilitates effective communication. Be mindful of your flooding. Take flooding breaks as necessary to self soothe.

Seek Common Ground:

Look for areas of agreement or common ground. Emphasize shared interests or mutual goals, showcasing your willingness to collaborate rather than creating an adversarial dynamic.

Be Solution-Oriented:

Shift the focus toward finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Presenting ideas for resolution demonstrates a proactive approach and reinforces your commitment to constructive dialogue.

Set Boundaries Clearly:

Clearly articulate your boundaries and expectations. Be firm but respectful in communicating the limits you've established, ensuring that others understand and respect your position.

Embrace Constructive Feedback:

Open yourself to constructive feedback and be willing to reassess your position if presented with valid points. This demonstrates a willingness to engage in a collaborative and open-minded discussion. This will be hard if you struggle with RSD. Learn more to be able to strengthen your muscles of receiving constructive feedback.

Cultivate Emotional Resilience:

Strengthen your emotional resilience by acknowledging challenges and setbacks. Resilience empowers you to face adversity without succumbing to victimization, fostering a mindset of growth and self-empowerment.

Defending your position doesn't necessitate adopting a victim mentality. By owning your narrative, expressing yourself assertively, and cultivating a solution-oriented approach, you can defend your position with confidence and empower yourself in the process. Remember, effective communication is a skill that can be honed, leading to more constructive interactions and relationships.

"In the art of self-expression, we wield the brush of assertiveness, painting our truths without victimizing ourselves. Each word becomes a stroke, creating a canvas of empowerment where defending our position is a masterpiece of strength, resilience, and unwavering authenticity."


As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.


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