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We are right around the corner for the Annual International Conference on ADHD!!!!! And this year, the conference will be hybrid! Which means you can attend from the comfort of your home and learn on your own schedule and pace online December 5-6, 2023. Sponsored by the ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO), ADDA and CHADD, this 3-day event brings together ADHD leaders, people with ADHD, vendors, speakers, teachers, psychologists, psychiatrists, parents, spouses --- basically anyone and everyone who has been connecting, learning and thriving with ADHD. So, excited this year to be attending in-person in Baltimore on November 30 - December 2 for face-to-face networking, deeper learning, and fun with your peers. If you can't join no worries please click above for the online option. So exciting! Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. As an ADHD, Twice-Exceptional, Highly Sensitive Person, she understands the struggles that come with being Neurodiverse. She wants to help you, your child or relationship experience the gifts that come with being Neurodiverse, reduce the intensity you have been living with, and help you navigate through life with more confidence, awareness, emotional strength and perspective.

The ADHD Couples Palooza is this weekend! November 10-12, 2023. This will be my third year attending the ADHD Couples Palooza online. Every year I walk away with a tremendous amount of information both personally and professionally. Some background. The ADHD Couples Palooza is for three days focused on romantic relationships. Each session is thoughtfully designed with your greatest challenges in mind. All presentations are FREE and given by experts in the field. If you’re ready to strengthen the connection and collaboration with your significant other, tuning into the ADHD Couples’ Palooza is a great step forward. Whether you’re currently in a relationship or hope to be, there is plenty to glean from this deep dive into partnering with neurodivergent people. Lastly, if you find that this weekend has way to many things going on to be able to give the Palooza the time and attention it deserves. No worries. You may want to consider purchasing the Encore package for $97 - less than $7 a session and half price this week only. That's 14 recorded sessions PLUS the 2 hour recording from the Couples Panel (the only way you have access to the replay of that event is via Encore). Disclosure. I myself have had to purchase the encore package each year. Sometimes because my time is limited and other times because there's just a wealth of information that I love returning back to for myself or to listen with my husband. Be sure to register. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. As an ADHD, Twice-Exceptional, Highly Sensitive Person, she understands the struggles that come with being Neurodiverse. She wants to help you, your child or relationship experience the gifts that come with being Neurodiverse, reduce the intensity you have been living with, and help you navigate through life with more confidence, awareness, emotional strength and perspective.

Living with ADHD brings unique challenges, but journaling can be a powerful tool to harness creativity, focus, and self-awareness. Here are some practical tips to make journaling a valuable and enjoyable practice for individuals with ADHD: Embrace Flexibility: Allow your journaling process to be flexible. There's no need for rigid structures or a set format. Embrace the freedom to jump between thoughts, doodle, or switch topics as your mind flows. Use Prompts and Lists: Overcome the challenge of a blank page by using prompts or creating lists. Prompts can provide direction, and lists are an effective way to organize thoughts, making the journaling process more structured and engaging. Short Bursts of Writing: Instead of committing to long writing sessions, opt for short and focused bursts. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and jot down thoughts, ideas, or reflections. This approach helps maintain attention and prevents overwhelm. Visual Elements and Mind Maps: Incorporate visual elements into your journal, such as drawings, mind maps, or diagrams. Visual representation can enhance understanding and make the journaling experience more interactive and stimulating. My favorite is Mind Meister. Check it out Experiment with Tools: Explore various writing tools, such as colored pens, markers, or digital apps. Experimenting with different tools can add a sensory aspect to journaling, making it more engaging for individuals with ADHD. I use an app within my I-Pad called Noteability. Establish Routine: Set a consistent time for journaling to create a routine. Whether it's in the morning or before bed, a regular journaling habit can provide structure and a sense of stability in the daily routine. Capture Ideas on the Go: Carry a small notebook or use a note-taking app to capture thoughts and ideas throughout the day. This allows you to harness the creative energy of spontaneous ideas, which can be revisited during dedicated journaling sessions. Celebrate Achievements: Use your journal to celebrate small victories and achievements. Acknowledging accomplishments, no matter how minor, can provide motivation and positive reinforcement. Reflect on Challenges: Take a moment to reflect on challenges and obstacles you encounter. Use your journal as a safe space to explore emotions and brainstorm potential solutions. This reflective process can aid in building resilience. Mindful Breathing Breaks: Integrate short mindful breathing breaks into your journaling routine. This can help reset your focus and bring a sense of calm to the journaling process. Create the space: Having a designated space for journaling helps make the act of journaling a habit. Have a comfortable, resting and rejuvenating space in which you can allow your mind to free fall into self exploration. Focus music in the background is a great addition. Check out Brain.fm which also works well with the ADHD brain. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to journal with ADHD. The goal is to make the process work for you, harnessing its therapeutic benefits while accommodating the unique aspects of ADHD. As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

In the vast world of books, there's a special kind that acts like a comforting friend, guiding you through life's twists and turns. These books aren't just stories; they're sources of wisdom, solace, and inspiration. Whether you're seeking knowledge, healing, or just a fresh perspective, the right book has the power to transform your journey. In this collection, I've gathered some gems that have touched my heart and soul, offering refuge, hope, and reassurance to those who need it most. So grab a cup of tea, cozy up, and let's explore together. In the realm of therapy and mental health, books serve as valuable supplements, providing additional support and guidance. Therapy offers a safe space to explore and address deep-seated issues, with the guidance of a trained professional. Books, on the other hand, offer wisdom, perspective, and inspiration that can complement the therapeutic journey. Together, they form a powerful combination, supporting individuals as they navigate the complexities of life and strive for growth and healing. It's essential to recognize that while books can be immensely helpful, they are not a replacement for professional therapy when dealing with serious mental health concerns. Therapy offers personalized guidance, tailored interventions, and a therapeutic relationship that fosters deep healing and growth. So while books can provide comfort and insight, it's important to prioritize seeking professional help when needed, ensuring comprehensive support on your journey towards holistic well-being. With that being said lets unpack my recommendations for Parenting this year. The Journey of Parenthood In the intricate tapestry of parenting, the wisdom found within the pages of books serves as a guiding light, offering insights, strategies, and encouragement to navigate the ever-changing landscape of raising children. Whether you're a seasoned parent seeking fresh perspectives or embarking on the thrilling journey of parenthood for the first time, this curated list of book recommendations is designed to support and empower you. From practical parenting guides to heartfelt memoirs and insightful research, each title offers a unique perspective and valuable resources to help you cultivate confidence, compassion, and connection in your role as a parent. So, join us on the Parenting Pathways as we explore the transformative power of literature in nurturing and enriching the journey of raising children. Book #1: Understanding Girls with ADHD Book #2: Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life Book #3: Have a New Kids by Friday/Have a New Teenager by Friday Book #4: Boundaries with Kids/Boundaries with Teens Book #5: Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting Understanding Girls with ADHD: How They Feel and Why They Do What They Do by  Kathleen Nadeau  (Author), Ellen Littman  (Author), Patricia Quinn  (Author) by  Tamara Rosier PhD  (Author) "Understanding Girls with ADHD: How They Feel and Why They Do What They Do" delves into the unique challenges and experiences of girls with ADHD, offering invaluable insights and guidance. As someone who has a stepdaughter with ADHD, this book resonates deeply with me, providing much-needed understanding and support in navigating her journey. With empathy and expertise, the author sheds light on the complexities of ADHD in girls, empowering parents and caregivers to better understand and support their daughters on the path to success and well-being. Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by  Dr. Stuart Shanker  (Author) "Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life" offers a compassionate and practical approach to understanding and managing stress for both children and parents. Parents find immense value in the strategies and insights provided, as they navigate the complexities of raising resilient and emotionally balanced children. With warmth and wisdom, the author guides readers through a journey of empowerment, offering tools to break the stress cycle and foster healthy coping mechanisms for the whole family. Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days by  Dr. Kevin Leman  (Author) "Have a New Kid by Friday" lays down foundational truths for effective parenting, offering practical strategies for addressing common behavioral challenges in children. While the book advocates for a structured approach to parenting, it's important to recognize that neurodiverse children may require more flexibility and creativity in implementation. Nevertheless, this book is included in the list for its valuable insights into parenting principles that can be adapted and tailored to meet the unique needs of neurodiverse children and their families. Have a New Teenager by Friday: From Mouthy and Moody to Respectful and Responsible in 5 Days by  Dr. Kevin Leman  (Author) "Have a New Teen by Friday" presents practical strategies for navigating the complexities of parenting teenagers, offering valuable insights into communication, discipline, and building positive relationships. While the book advocates for a structured approach, it's essential to recognize that parenting adolescents requires flexibility and adaptability. Nevertheless, this book is included in the list for its actionable advice and foundational principles that can help parents navigate the challenges of raising teens with confidence and grace. Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children by  Henry Cloud  (Author), John Townsend  (Author) "Boundaries with Kids" introduces fundamental principles for navigating parenting challenges, offering practical guidance for establishing healthy boundaries. While the book emphasizes a structured approach, it's crucial to acknowledge that parenting neurodiverse children may require flexibility and creative adaptation. Despite this, the book is included in the list for its timeless wisdom, providing a framework that can be adjusted to meet the unique needs of diverse families. Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by  John Townsend  (Author) "Boundaries with Teens" equips parents with essential tools for fostering healthy relationships and navigating the unique challenges of parenting adolescents. While the book emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, it acknowledges the need for flexibility and open communication, especially when dealing with the ever-changing dynamics of teenage years. With practical wisdom and insightful guidance, this book offers a roadmap for parents to establish clear boundaries while nurturing connection and understanding with their teens. As someone who has found both series of this book extremely helpful in my parenting journey, I can attest to the transformative impact it has had on fostering a harmonious and supportive relationship with my teenagers. Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting by  Ph.D. John Gottman  (Author), Joan Declaire  (Author), Daniel Goleman  (Foreword) "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" is a comprehensive guide for parents seeking to cultivate essential life skills in their children. Through practical strategies and insightful guidance, the book empowers parents to nurture emotional intelligence, resilience, and empathy in their children. With warmth and wisdom, the author provides invaluable tools for fostering healthy communication, managing emotions, and building strong, supportive relationships. As a parent who has benefited from the principles outlined in this book, I can attest to its transformative impact on fostering a deep connection and understanding with my child, laying the foundation for their future success and well-being. DISCLAIMER: Some links included in this blog posts may be affiliate links. This means that if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Your support is greatly appreciated as it allows me to continue creating and sharing educational content. Thank you!

In the intricate dance of interpersonal dynamics, defending your position can be a delicate balance. It's crucial to assert yourself without falling into the trap of victimization. So how do we do that? Because to many times in the therapy room I see one person trying to explain their position and the other person quickly retorts with "stop victimizing yourself". Are they really victimizing their self or are the merely trying to assert themselves? Let's explore effective strategies to express your thoughts and defend your position confidently, fostering empowerment rather than victimhood. Own Your Narrative: Take control of your narrative by clearly articulating your thoughts and feelings. Avoid framing your experiences solely through the lens of victimhood. Instead, emphasize your perspective, experiences, and the reasons behind your position. Use "I" Statements: Frame your communication using "I" statements to express your feelings, thoughts, and needs. This approach fosters ownership of your emotions and avoids projecting blame onto others, creating a more constructive dialogue. Focus on Assertiveness, Not Aggressiveness: Defending your position doesn't require aggression. Instead, cultivate assertiveness—a healthy expression of your needs and boundaries. Maintain a calm demeanor and strive for open communication, emphasizing understanding rather than confrontation. Provide Concrete Examples: Support your position with concrete examples or evidence. This not only strengthens your argument but also offers clarity to those involved. Specific examples lend weight to your perspective and help others better understand your position. Express Emotions Responsibly (probably the hardest one to do): Emotions are valid, but it's essential to express them responsibly. Avoid using emotions as a weapon or a shield. Acknowledge your feelings while maintaining a level of emotional intelligence that facilitates effective communication. Be mindful of your flooding. Take flooding breaks as necessary to self soothe. Seek Common Ground: Look for areas of agreement or common ground. Emphasize shared interests or mutual goals, showcasing your willingness to collaborate rather than creating an adversarial dynamic. Be Solution-Oriented: Shift the focus toward finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Presenting ideas for resolution demonstrates a proactive approach and reinforces your commitment to constructive dialogue. Set Boundaries Clearly: Clearly articulate your boundaries and expectations. Be firm but respectful in communicating the limits you've established, ensuring that others understand and respect your position. Embrace Constructive Feedback: Open yourself to constructive feedback and be willing to reassess your position if presented with valid points. This demonstrates a willingness to engage in a collaborative and open-minded discussion. This will be hard if you struggle with RSD. Learn more to be able to strengthen your muscles of receiving constructive feedback. Cultivate Emotional Resilience: Strengthen your emotional resilience by acknowledging challenges and setbacks. Resilience empowers you to face adversity without succumbing to victimization, fostering a mindset of growth and self-empowerment. Defending your position doesn't necessitate adopting a victim mentality. By owning your narrative, expressing yourself assertively, and cultivating a solution-oriented approach, you can defend your position with confidence and empower yourself in the process. Remember, effective communication is a skill that can be honed, leading to more constructive interactions and relationships. "In the art of self-expression, we wield the brush of assertiveness, painting our truths without victimizing ourselves. Each word becomes a stroke, creating a canvas of empowerment where defending our position is a masterpiece of strength, resilience, and unwavering authenticity." Recommend book: The Assertiveness Workbook As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

Journaling is a personal and flexible practice that can take many forms. There are no strict rules, but here are some guidelines to help you make the most of your journaling experience: Be Honest and Authentic: Write openly and honestly about your thoughts and feelings. Your journal is a private space for self-reflection, so be true to yourself without judgment. No Right or Wrong: There are no rules or standards for how you should journal. It's a personal process, and what works for one person may not work for another. Embrace your unique style and approach. Consistency Over Perfection: Aim for consistency rather than perfection. You don't need to write lengthy entries every day. Regular, brief reflections can be just as valuable. The key is to make it a habit. Explore Different Styles: Experiment with various journaling styles. You can write free-form entries, use prompts, create lists, draw, or incorporate other creative elements. Find what resonates with you. Set Realistic Goals: Establish achievable goals for your journaling practice. Whether it's writing daily, weekly, or sporadically, set a realistic schedule that fits into your routine. Create a Safe Space: Your journal is a safe space for your thoughts and emotions. Feel free to explore your vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. This is a place for self-compassion. Reflect and Self-Discover: Use journaling as a tool for self-reflection and self-discovery. Explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences to gain insights into yourself and your life. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements and positive experiences in your journal. This fosters a positive mindset and encourages gratitude. Release Negativity: If you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed, use your journal as an outlet to release negative thoughts. This can be a therapeutic way to process challenging emotions. Be Patient and Compassionate: Journaling is a process, and personal growth takes time. Be patient with yourself and approach your reflections with self-compassion. Date Entries: Include the date in your entries. This allows you to track your progress, notice patterns, and provides context for your reflections. Review and Revisit: Periodically review past entries to observe your growth, identify recurring themes, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself over time. Remember, your journal is a personal space, and you have the freedom to adapt these guidelines to suit your preferences. The most important aspect is to make journaling a meaningful and supportive practice in your life. As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

In the complex tapestry of human connections, the role of therapy in relationships cannot be overstated. It serves as a beacon of understanding, a bridge to communication, and a path to resolution. However, a critical caveat arises when therapy is weaponized – turned into a tool of manipulation, control, or coercion within a relationship. Something I see happens to many times resulting in detrimental consequences both in and out of the therapy session. Let's explore together why it is paramount to preserve the sanctity of therapy and avoid its weaponization in the pursuit of healthier and more harmonious connections. 1. Therapy as a Collaborative Endeavor: Therapy, ideally, is a collaborative effort where individuals come together with a shared goal of mutual understanding and growth. Weaponizing therapy transforms this cooperative space into a battleground, where sessions become arenas for asserting dominance or settling scores. Such a distortion not only impedes progress but also undermines the very essence of therapeutic intervention – the shared journey towards healing and understanding. 2. Trust and Vulnerability: Central to any therapeutic relationship is the establishment of trust and the willingness to be vulnerable. Weaponizing therapy disrupts this delicate balance by introducing an element of distrust. When one partner feels the therapist is being utilized to validate personal narratives or undermine the other, the atmosphere of trust crumbles, impeding the therapeutic process. 3. Undermining the Therapeutic Alliance: A cornerstone of effective therapy is the alliance between the therapist and the individuals seeking guidance. Weaponization erodes this alliance by introducing external motives that compromise the therapist's impartiality and ability to facilitate genuine healing. Maintaining the therapeutic space as a neutral ground is pivotal for fostering an environment conducive to constructive introspection. 4. Manipulation and Control: Weaponizing therapy often involves using insights gained in sessions as leverage for manipulation or control. This can manifest as one partner wielding therapeutic revelations against the other during disagreements or power struggles. Such tactics not only violate the ethical boundaries of therapy but also exacerbate existing relationship dynamics. 5. Impact on Individual Well-Being: Ultimately, weaponizing therapy takes a toll on the mental and emotional well-being of those involved. Rather than serving as a source of support, therapy becomes a source of stress and anxiety. Individuals may feel hesitant to open up, fearing that their vulnerabilities will be exploited, leading to a breakdown in the therapeutic process and hindering personal growth. The sanctity of therapy in relationships lies in its ability to facilitate understanding, growth, and healing. Weaponizing this invaluable resource not only sabotages the therapeutic process but also jeopardizes the very foundation upon which healthy relationships are built. As we navigate the complexities of human connections, let us recognize the profound impact of therapy and commit to preserving its integrity as a tool for genuine transformation and connection. As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

The decision to disclose that you attend therapy is a personal one and depends on various factors, including your comfort level, the nature of your relationships, and your cultural or societal context. Here are some considerations to help you make an informed decision: Privacy and Comfort: Consider your own comfort level with sharing personal information. If you feel secure and confident in discussing your therapy journey, sharing this aspect of your life with family and friends might be more natural. Relationship Dynamics: Assess the dynamics of your relationships with family and friends. If you have close, supportive relationships where open communication is valued, sharing your therapy experience may deepen understanding and foster empathy. Stigma, Misconceptions and Weaponization: Be mindful of potential stigma or misconceptions surrounding mental health. In some cultures or communities, there might be a stigma associated with therapy. Consider whether disclosing this information might help break down stereotypes or contribute to a more open dialogue about mental health. In addition, some individuals within your relationship circles may use your therapy as a weapon against you. Support System: If you believe that sharing your therapy journey would strengthen your support system, it might be worth considering. Knowing that you attend therapy could help your loved ones better understand your needs and provide more effective support. Timing and Context: Choose an appropriate time and context for sharing this information. A one-on-one conversation might be more suitable than a group setting, allowing for a more personal and thoughtful discussion. Personal Boundaries: Respect your personal boundaries. You are not obligated to share more than you are comfortable with. If you prefer to keep your therapy journey private, that's entirely valid, and your decision should be respected. Educational Opportunity: Sharing your experience could also serve as an educational opportunity. Discussing therapy openly may help dispel myths, reduce stigma, and encourage others to prioritize their mental health. Professional Advice: If you're uncertain about whether or not to disclose, bring it up in there therapy room. Your therapist can provide guidance based on their understanding of your personal situation and the potential impact on your well-being. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, and you should prioritize what feels right for you. Whether you choose to share your therapy journey or keep it private, what matters most is that you prioritize your mental health and well-being. Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area. As an ADHD, Twice-Exceptional, Highly Sensitive Person, she understands the struggles that come with being Neurodiverse. She wants to help you, your child or relationship experience the gifts that come with being Neurodiverse, reduce the intensity you have been living with, and help you navigate through life with more confidence, awareness, emotional strength and perspective.

In the intricate dance of interpersonal relationships, the role of therapy as a sanctuary for self-discovery and mutual understanding is unparalleled. However, the misuse or weaponization of therapy is something seen to many times and can have profound repercussions, particularly on the individual well-being of those involved. Let's delve into why safeguarding individual mental and emotional health stands as a paramount reason to abstain from weaponizing therapy in relationships. Impact on Mental Health: Weaponizing therapy introduces an unsettling dynamic that directly impacts the mental health of individuals within the relationship. Instead of viewing therapy as a refuge for introspection and growth, it transforms into a source of stress and apprehension. The fear of vulnerabilities being exploited erodes the very foundation upon which therapy is built – the assurance of a safe space for self-exploration. Creating Hesitancy to Open Up: Individuals may become reluctant to share their innermost thoughts and emotions during therapy sessions. This hesitancy obstructs the therapeutic process, preventing the organic and sincere exploration of feelings that is necessary for growth and healing. Exacerbating Relationship Dynamics: The weaponization of therapy often spills over into broader relationship dynamics, exacerbating existing issues. Instead of serving as a neutral ground for shared understanding, therapy becomes entangled in power struggles and disputes. This not only impedes relationship progress but also contributes to a toxic cycle that can be challenging to break. Preserving the Integrity of Therapeutic Spaces: To maintain the efficacy of therapy and uphold individual well-being, it is crucial to preserve the integrity of therapeutic spaces. Therapy should be an environment where individuals feel secure in expressing their thoughts and feelings without the fear. Creating a therapeutic space that remains untainted by external motives, allowing individuals to embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing without compromising their mental health. In the pursuit of healthy and thriving relationships, let us recognize the pivotal role that unweaponized therapy plays in safeguarding the individual well-being of those involved. However, the question then arises when or should I let my friends or family know I am in therapy? As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

Neurodiversity encompasses a spectrum of neurological differences, including conditions like autism, ADHD, and various learning disabilities. In a supportive and understanding relationship, partners should be able to acknowledge and accommodate each other's unique traits and needs. Unfortunately, when a spouse doesn't accept or accommodate your neurodiversity, it can strain the relationship. Unfortunately, I've seen this way too many times within the therapy room and it's not sustainable. My hope is being able to provide you some practical steps and strategies today to navigate this challenging situation. I know personally if my husband and I weren't able to embrace our neurodiversities I don't know if we would be still married. I know it sounds grim but it's extremely difficult to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't want to work with you and your unique design. The following steps/strategies are one's I've used in either my personal or professional life. Open Communication: Initiate an open and honest conversation about your neurodiversity. Share your experiences, challenges, and strengths. This may require that you educate yourself on your neurodiversity first in order that you can clearly express how your neurodiversity shows up in your everyday and in the relationship. Encourage your spouse to express their thoughts and feelings, fostering a two-way dialogue. Educate Your Spouse: Provide educational resources and information about your neurodivergent condition. This can help dispel misconceptions and promote understanding. There are so many great books, and podcasts to share. See below for my recommendations. Share personal stories of individuals thriving with neurodiversity, showcasing the positive aspects of embracing differences. Set Clear Expectations: Clearly communicate your needs and expectations within the relationship. Discuss specific accommodations that could enhance your well-being. Encourage your spouse to express their expectations as well, fostering mutual understanding and compromise. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define and communicate personal boundaries. Discuss how certain behaviors or comments may be hurtful, and work together to find alternative approaches. Encourage respect for each other's need for space and time alone. Boundaries assists in avoiding the Parent-Child Dynamic as well. Focus on Strengths: Emphasize the unique strengths and talents associated with neurodiversity. Help your spouse recognize the positive aspects that contribute to the richness of the relationship. Share stories of successful individuals who have leveraged their neurodivergent traits in various fields. Take a strength assessment: https://www.viacharacter.org/account/register Encourage Empathy: Foster empathy by encouraging your spouse to put themselves in your shoes. Share anecdotes that illustrate your experiences, helping them gain a deeper understanding of your perspective. Consider engaging in activities that promote empathy and mutual support. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories, both individually and as a couple. Recognizing and appreciating efforts can contribute to a more positive and supportive atmosphere. Connect with Supportive Communities: Seek out neurodivergent communities and support groups where you can connect with others facing similar challenges. Encourage your spouse to join forums or attend events where they can gain insights from other partners of neurodivergent individuals. Seek Professional Guidance: Consider attending therapy or counseling together to navigate the challenges. A neutral third party can provide valuable insights and facilitate constructive communication. Connect with professionals who specialize in neurodiversity to gain a deeper understanding of how it impacts your relationship. Consider the Future: Assess the long-term compatibility of the relationship. If efforts to foster acceptance and accommodation are consistently met with resistance, it may be necessary to evaluate whether the relationship aligns with your well-being and goals. Navigating a relationship when your spouse doesn't accept or accommodate your neurodiversity requires patience, communication, and a willingness to learn and grow together. By fostering understanding, setting clear expectations, and celebrating the uniqueness neurodiversity brings to the relationship, couples can build a stronger foundation based on acceptance, empathy, and mutual support. In the tapestry of love, threads of acceptance and accommodation weave a bond that transcends neurodiversity. Communicate openly, educate with empathy, and celebrate the unique strengths, for in understanding lies the foundation of a relationship that thrives on acceptance and mutual growth. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) Next Step: Read: ADHD & Us: A Couple's Guide to Loving and Living With Adult ADHD Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.: Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD Listen: Love on Neurodiverse Lane: ADHD & Relationships As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

Embarking on a journey of self-discovery and healing through counseling is a brave and transformative endeavor. At times, however, the intensity of counseling sessions can catch individuals off guard. In this blog post, let's explore the reasons behind the occasional intensity of counseling sessions and shed light on how embracing these moments can contribute to profound personal growth. So, instead of being caught off guard you have a game plan to navigate those occasional intense sessions. 1. Unearthing Deep Emotions: Counseling serves as a space to explore and unpack deep-seated emotions and experiences. As individuals delve into their thoughts and feelings, it's natural for intense emotions to surface. These emotions, though challenging, are crucial in the therapeutic process, paving the way for healing and understanding. 2. Confronting Unresolved Issues: Many seek counseling to address unresolved issues or longstanding challenges. As these issues come to the forefront, the process of confronting them can be emotionally charged. Intensity often arises when individuals face aspects of their lives that have been avoided or overlooked. 3. Breaking Down Defense Mechanisms: Throughout life, individuals develop defense mechanisms to cope with stress and protect themselves emotionally. In counseling, these defense mechanisms are gradually dismantled to uncover underlying issues. This process can be intense as individuals face vulnerability without the protective shield of their usual coping strategies. 4. Navigating Change and Growth: Counseling is inherently a process of change and growth. Exploring new perspectives, challenging ingrained beliefs, and adopting healthier coping mechanisms can be uncomfortable and, at times, intense. This intensity often accompanies the transformative journey toward personal development. 5. Exploring Painful Memories: Delving into past experiences, especially those associated with pain, trauma or betrayal, can be emotionally charged. Counseling sessions provide a safe space to explore these memories and experiences, but the process can evoke intense emotions as individuals work towards resolution and healing. 6. Heightened Self-Awareness: Counseling fosters heightened self-awareness, encouraging individuals to examine their thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. The process of self-discovery can be intense as individuals gain a clearer understanding of themselves and their patterns. 7. Establishing Trust and Connection: Building a trusting relationship with a therapist takes time, and as trust deepens, individuals may feel more comfortable expressing intense emotions. This trust and connection are essential for the therapeutic process but can contribute to the intensity of sessions. While the intensity of counseling sessions may initially seem overwhelming, it is important to recognize these moments as integral to the therapeutic journey. Embracing the intensity allows individuals to navigate their emotional landscape, fostering healing, growth, and a profound understanding of themselves. As you embark on this transformative path, remember that the intensity of counseling sessions is a testament to your courage and commitment to personal well-being. Lastly, if you are struggling to recover after intense session bring it into the therapy room in order that you can game plan with your therapist an after care plan. "In the depth of vulnerability lies the strength to heal, and in the courage to explore the depths of our souls, we unearth the treasures of self-discovery and resilience." As a counselor and writer navigating the intricate landscape of neurodiversity with both autism and ADHD, my professional journey is a testament to the strength that comes from embracing diverse perspectives. Through the lens of my own experiences, I strive to illuminate the beauty and resilience inherent in neurodivergent individuals. As a counselor, I am committed to providing a safe and inclusive space, where the nuances of neurodiversity are not just understood but celebrated. In my writing, I aim to bridge gaps in understanding, fostering a broader dialogue that promotes acceptance and appreciation for the rich tapestry of human cognition. My dual roles as a counselor and writer converge in a passion for advocacy, championing the rights and unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals. In every word and session, I aspire to contribute to a world that recognizes and values the diverse ways we experience and navigate the world.

Effective ways to recover after an intense therapy session. Therapy has many potential benefits. Counseling is both a process and an experience. You are not only going to learn more about yourself but also how you interact with the world around you. Counseling takes on different forms in that you could be learning about a particular condition, transitioning through something, learning a behavioral skill, healing and so forth. However, despite the many benefits that come from therapy one thing is for sure somewhere in the mix of your healing, growth, rebuilding and learning you will have a heavy/intense session that has you feeling exhausted and what some have coined having a therapy hangover. In doing my research on this topic I came across an article by Therapist Bryan Nixon that describes a therapy hangover as "that time frame after a really meaningful session, typically lasting 1-4 hours in which you may have a slight bit of tunnel vision, your thoughts will be a bit hazy." It's an uncomfortable feeling and many question both on an individual level and within couples work if therapy is even working or if is worth the discomfort. It's easy to get stuck in your feelings at this point questioning everything and asking alot of why questions. Despite the session revealing some deep work is happening it also is the messy middle of growth or for those who filter life through faith they would know it as the valley's of life. The therapy hangover isn't a sign that you should stop your work in therapy. It should however signal you to create a suitable plan to manage the flooding in order that you can continue doing the work so that you can get to the other side of the bridge in which you experience the rewards of your hard work and dedication to the process of therapy and live your best life. Below are effective ways to recover after a difficult therapy session: Right after session: Leave it in the room. Some individuals report this as extremely beneifical in order that they don't lose a whole night or day to their emotions, wandering thoughts or overthinking. They identify the therapy room as a safe space to off load and when the session is done they take a couple of deep breaths and leave what was said, in the room. At times they will circle back later in the week and catch their journal some thoughts to bring up next session. Brain dump. Write everything down you think of and what you wanted to remember about the session. Write what you didn't get to say. Unfinished thoughts and feelings. Insights. Process what just happened. This helps your mind find closure to the session. Manage flooding: Flooding is a state of being. It occurs when a person feels deeply threatened or feels like there is no escape. A feeling of overwhelm. This can occur from either an individual or couple's sessions. The key is taking an effective break. Do something that helps you feel grounded (see grounding techniques below). Something that has you catching your breath and feeling recharged. Exercise Self Compassion: Reward and recognize yourself for getting through a difficult session and doing the heavy lifting that comes with therapy. Be gentle with yourself. Enlist mindfulness: getting grounded in the present. The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook" define it as "awareness of present-moment experience with acceptance." They continue to explain that "mindfulness gives us mental space, and with mental space comes the freedom to choose how we might like to respond to a situation." Practice grounding techniques. Create a post-therapy routine that involves any of the following grounding techniques. Find your rhythm in what helps you catch your breath. Walk the Dog Listen to music Play a video game Journaling about the experience you had Arts and crafts A favorite snack Read a book Rest to restore energy levels (especially for introverts) Prayer and Meditation Exercise & yoga Playing a musical instrument Getting a massage Breathing activities Going out for coffee/tea Gardening Bubble Bath or shower Green time: taking a walk in nature Watching a funny movie or anything entertaining Aromatherapy (make sure to find scents that elicit calm) Preparing a healthful meal and eating in a calm setting (read: The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living, is a good read for this sort of living) Etc., etc., the possibilities are endless and only limited by your imagination and location (at times) Ways to get ahead of it: Bring it up with your therapist. Make sure your therapist is aware of what's happening in order that you guys can come up with a plan together. If you can't wait till the next scheduled session give them a ring and bring them in to your pain and discuss some ways to recover. This is then followed up with a session to process the rules of engagement as a couple and the ground techniques as an individual. Practice regular self care: self-love is essential. It is crucial to you being the best version of you. Self-love is necessary for your happiness, your ability to thrive, and your confidence. Someone once told me, “An empty tank will take you nowhere. Take the time to refuel.” Today, and every day, I encourage you to take that time. Rules of engagement: Predetermine your rules of engagement for the remainder of the evening. The Post-therapy routine is a practice that couples find beneficial following their session in order that they can keep the therapy space safe to share their deepest processed/unprocessed thoughts and feelings but also not lose their sanity. Make sure that the plan in specific addressing length of break, how regular tasks are to completed, managing the children, maintaining basic communication and reengagement. Session planning: Process your agenda for session prior to session. If you know you'll be bringing up or discussing a difficult subject this would be the time to plan ahead. By coming up with a plan for recovery during session with your therapist, by treating yourself before session or by having extra self care following session. Reward yourself: Therapy can be hard some days. Some sessions you will use all our tissues (or virtually your own), other sessions we will go round and round with topics, there will be sessions we dig deep, others where you experience a game changing insight from either something I said or you said, some sessions will be heavy and others light. Whichever session you find yourself in on any given therapy session you should reward yourself for doing the work that has you healing, growing, learning and changing. Some ideas for rewards: Tangible Rewards: a new shirt (or, something else), a smartwatch, subscription boxes, a new audio book, a weighted blanket, a vintage record, wireless headphones Self-Care Rewards: Enjoy a bubble bath, take a nap, meditate, watch the game/movie, read a book, get a massage, turn your electronics off for a few hours, go to the beach, get outside, acupuncture, tea/smoothies, go for walk Social Rewards: Go to a comedy show, go to the farmers market, check out the food truck local events, watch live music, go for a picnic in the park, plan a nature walk, visit a state park, meet a friend for coffee/tea. Healthy Rewards: enjoy dinner at a healthy restaurant, sign up for a new workout class (online or in person), splurge on a personal training session, sign up for spartan race, try a healthy meal service, invest in at-home gym equipment, go paddle boarding Special note for parents. Children and teens don't always have the vocabulary to communicate the intensity of a session. For them you could see it manifest itself through behavior outburst or withdrawal. I've had some children/teens say they don't want to come to therapy anymore or they don't like therapy or it's a waste of time all the while in their situations it's because we were covering hard stuff and it was much easier to run then to bravely take it head on. In order to come alongside your child/teen during this journey it requires some of the steps listed above with regards to talking over with the therapist your concerns and creating a game plan for post-therapy. It can be exhausting at times what happens in the therapy room and it is imperative to create your process for recharging and grounding yourself in order that you can function again. This is a very personalized experience with regards to finding what works for you. For me personally I favored the before session prep. I made sure I practiced good self care, went over my agenda, recognized the hard work I was doing and the "why" behind my choice to engage in therapy. I also made sure not to have anything planned on those days that required alot of energy. Therapy is important work. It's prioritizing your emotional, mental and relational health. It won't always be pretty and something you want to run to your friends and share with. You are doing important, brave work. It's okay to take some time to yourself in order to recover from some of the heavier/intense sessions. Practice self compassion. Think about what you would tell a friend in this situation and then turn that inward treating yourself with that loving kindness. Your allowed to pull back and catch your breath. Word of caution. Be mindful of destructive impulses be it with words or actions that may invade your thought processes. I've had couples call the next day saying a partner threatened to leave the marriage after an intense session only to find it was a reactive response to the session and not something that he/she wanted to follow through with. The partner just felt so paralyzed by the session they began reacting off of their first impulses. Flooded reactions will take the relationship or interaction darker than you intended or wanted it to go once it's all said and done. It's your turn Different strategies works for different people. The purpose of this post is to start a discussion regarding a topic that isn't discussed enough, give you ideas of what you can do an and individual, with in a relationship and as a parent and relief and hope that you are not alone. Learn and determine what strategies work for you. Create your plan and be patient with yourself. Lean in to it, plan and grow! Yvette E. McDonald is the owner and counselor at Traveling Light Counseling, a practice for individuals, couples and families helping them discover the person/couple they were always meant to be, as they become the best version of self in their roles and relationships in the Port Saint Lucie and Martin County area.